Step 1: Shopping

Unless you can burn hair off your face like Superman, you’re going to need to buy a few things.

Your Razor

You have a couple of options for a razor. There are pros and cons to each, but it should be pretty clear which one I prefer using (hint, it’s number 2)

1. Disposable Razors: These are the plastic razors without removable cartridges that you can buy in a bag of fifty for less than a six pack of reusable cartridges. The pro to these is that they are cheap. You can shave every day and the cost will be pretty low. The con to these is that they are cheap. They are not well made, and typically will cut your face up like you’re shaving with a bag of glass.
2. Cartridge Razors: Offering a more solid handle and a sharper head, these razors are designed to be used multiple times, discarding the blades and keeping the handle. This leads to a more durable instrument that tends to shave smoother and closer without perforating your face. The downside is that they are absurdly expensive. You can get five or six good shaves out of a cartridge, and twelve cartridges can run you close to $30. That’s fine if you’re like me and you only shave once a week, but for those of you with a real person job this can get expensive quickly.
3. Safety Razors: These are those crazy razors you see with blades on either side. I’ve never used one of these, and I don’t know how it works. Why are there blades on either side? That doesn’t sound very safe at all. Maybe they’re being facetious. I know people who swear by safety razors and I am unsurprised. I’d swear too if I repeatedly cut myself on a double bladed razor.
4. Straight Razor: Next to shaving with a bowie knife or shaving with the aforementioned bag of glass, a more manly shave does not exist. Basically running a blade across your face without the artifice of wire and aloe strips, you take your life into your hands when you give yourself a straight razor shave. I’ve nicked myself enough times to know that if I was shaving with a single razor sharp blade that I’d be able to brush my teeth without opening my mouth.

A Special Note on Cartridge Razors

You may have noticed that the razor manufacturers are in a crazy race to see who can cram more blades on the cartridge. I tried using that crazy five blade monstrosity, and it nearly killed me. I’ve found that the closeness of the shave doesn’t improve much beyond three blades. However, the more blades you have the worse the cut will be if you mess up. Too many blades cutting at the same time and you’ll look like the Shredder after pre-ooze Splinter attacked him.

Shaving Cream

Once again, you have some options.

1. Shaving Cream: You can go a couple of ways with this. I use The Art of Shaving’s cream, which comes in a little plastic jar. It’s real thick, and you scoop it out with your fingers. Other people like to use shaving cream that comes shooting out of a can and smells like my father. To each his own, I guess.
2. Shaving Gel: I’m not entirely sure how I feel about shaving gel. It’s supposed to work better in the shower, which is a plus. It also seems like it provides a nice protective layer between face and blade. On the other hand, I feel like I’m getting more accomplished when I scrape lather off my face. I go from foam to no foam, and that’s getting something done. The transition from slimy to not slimy just doesn’t do it for me.
3. Conditioner: I kid you not. When I run out of shaving cream I fall back on conditioner. It’s designed to soften your hair anyway, and it provides enough of a lather to keep you from shredding skin off your face.
4. Soap: People who shave with soap scare me. There’s no way that’s good for you. It’s drying out your skin, and just generally making a mess of your face. Bad times all around.

Other Paraphernalia

Of course, shaving is just blades and shaving cream. You need some other stuff to get the smoothest shave will keeping all your blood inside your body.

• Shaving Brush: Before I started shaving in the shower, I used a shaving brush. It works really well to raise the hairs and evenly distribute the shaving cream. Really, it makes me feel like I’m doing some legitimate shaving. The more specialized tools I can use during a task, the better I feel about it.
• Shaving Oil: I am 99% sure I’m being scammed on this one, but I use it anyway. It’s basically face oil that you rub on your face before you rub the shaving cream on. Allegedly useful in reducing friction and making for a less irritaty shave, I have to wonder exactly how the oil helps under a thick layer of cream. Shave magic, I guess. I use the shaving oil from Origins, but I’m not crazy about it. It smells funny.
• Pre-Shave Face Wash: This is supposed to soften your beard and make it easy to shave. I have shaved without it and noticed a difference, but maybe it was just because I was expecting more irritation. In any case, giving your face a good wash in hot water opens pores and makes shaving easier. I use the preshave scrub from Bath and Body Works. If you rub it in and leave it on for a few seconds it makes your face tingle. I think that means it’s working.
• Aftershave: There’s a lot of leeway here. Many people go with the alcohol filling aftershave that burns like the fires of hell and makes you smell like a strip club. Others go for somethings designed to sooth. My choice is Firefighter Plus, from Origins. There’s something in there that actually cools razor burn, and supposedly thins new growth. I ran out a few weeks ago and haven’t replaced it yet (it’s a little bit on the expensive side), and I really have noticed a difference in both my hair growth and my comfort level.

What About Electric Shavers?

Electric Shavers are for little baby girls. Little baby girls with facial hair. I have never used one that works, and I have tried plenty. Ones with the floating heads, one that are just a single bar. I’ve tried the one that spurts lotion on your face, and I’ve tried that horrible ‘Lectric shave garbage that’s supposed to stiffen your hair. None of it works. If you can get an electric shaver to make you look less like a yeti, then good for you.

Step 2: Shaving

Now for the good stuff. There’s a lot of disagreement about where you should shave, when you should shave and in which direction you should shave. This is what works for me, your milage may vary.

1. I shave in the shower with a fog free mirror. I used to shave before taking the shower, but I find that cleanup is easier, and all the heat and steam softens your beard.
2. Start off with the face wash. I find that the longer you let it sit, the smoother the shave will be. I set the face wash on and then start getting the rest of my shaving gear together.
3. Rinse off the face wash and rub the shave oil into your face. Don’t wash the shave oil off of your face. I make this mistake all the time when I shave first thing in the morning.
4. Next add the shaving cream/lotion/gel/whatever. If you’re going to use a brush, scoop out a small amount of the cream into a bowl and build up a lather with the brush. This makes the lather thicker, and also warms it up so you’re not slapping cold cream on your face first thing in the morning.
5. Once you’re all lathered up, it’s time to start shaving. A lot of people recommend saving the mustache zone and the neck for last so that the product you’ve added has the maximum amount of time to work on the hardest areas. I personally find that I get the smoothest shave when I shave in uninterrupted strokes. I start at the top of my beard line and move all the way to the bottom of my beard line. This keeps the skin flat when you’re shaving and reduces the potential for cuts. I try to stretch my skin flat while I shave with the hand not holding the razor, but by this point my face is so slick that it’s next to impossible to get a good grip. Shave with the grain. For most people this is “down”, but feel around and see. You may be surprised. I have a small section of hair at my jawline that grows in a spiral.
6. Be extra careful with the area above your upper lip. It’s the narrowest area, and unless you’re shaving your nose it’s impossible to get a moving start down there. Several years ago I cut my lip badly with one of those four blade razors and it looked like I was attacked by a rat. I’ve worn a mustache ever since. I suspect Tom Selleck has a similar story.
7. Once you’ve finished the first run of shaving, it’s time to lather up a second time. This is where shaving advice wildly differs. Some people say you should never shave against the grain. Only shave with the grain and across the grain. I’ve tried this method and I always end up with a face like sandpaper. If you really want to get clean shaven, you have to shave against the grain. End of story. Use lots of shaving cream and take it slow and you’ll be just fine.
8. Once you wash all the gunk off your face, take another sweep over your face. All this lubrication can make it hard to tell you if you got it all. If you missed a spot, add a little more shaving cream and go to cleanup town. Nothing looks worse than a section of beard that’s left over.
9. Now, run the water as cold as you can stand. This will close up the pores, and also cut down on some of the burn.
10. After you’ve showered and dressed, add your aftershave. You’re all done!