A Proper British Guide to Proper British Tea.

Ingredients

You will need:

1. An Electric Kettle
2. Tea bags
3. A mug
4. Milk

Step Two

Put a tea bag in it.

True Brits don’t have time to fart around with tea leaves; we need to drink this stuff several times a day, or we dehydrate.

Any tea bag will do, to be honest, except Earl Grey. Earl Grey tastes like boiled socks, only weirdos and pretentious people drink it.

You may also add sugar or sweetner at this point (no, not honey, for God’s sake). However, a true Brit should be able to appreciate the bitter taste of tea without the need to sweeten it.

Step Four

Once the kettle has boiled, pour the water into the mug until it’s about an inch from the top. Strain the tea bag with a teaspoon until it’s as dark as possible.

Oh, and throw away the tea bag, don’t leave it in there, stupid.

Step Six

Drink it while it’s hot! Yum yum yum.

Once you’ve perfected making a British cuppa, you may add a few biscuits for dunking (as in cookies, my American friends). Digestives and rich tea biscuits are the usual accompaniment to a British tea break.

However, amateurs are not advised to attempt this fine art; many a tear has been shed upon the tragedy that is the soggy remnants of a biscuit at the bottom of an undrinkable cup of tea.

Step One

Find yourself a large mug. Preferably with a cutesy, tasteless image, as in the one above.

True Brits do not use tea cups; don’t commit this schoolboy error. You can’t fit nearly enough in one of those little things to quench the British thirst for tea.

Step Three

Put the kettle on.

(Remember to fill it with water first).

Step Five

Fill the rest of the cup with milk.

Don’t add too much milk, the tea should still be a tan colour.

Anyone who even mentions the word cream at this point will be shot.