Gawd, How Pretentious!

"The Market"

People who talk about the real estate or the financial market as if its some higher form of consciousness graspable only to someone with a real estate certificate or Ivy League education. Its simple really, these jerks throw higher and higher numbers at a wall to see if they stick, driving up prices until it all collapses under its own greedy weight.

Artistry

I understand what the word means and I actually kind of liked Kara DioGuard, but every time she said the word “artistry” I cringed.

"Flat"

Ok, so if you live in the United States (as opposed to the United Kingdom of England and Ireland), it is HIGHLY pretentious to refer to your apartment as a flat. If you want to make your studio sound chi-chi call it a condo, just don’t call it a flat for God’s sake.

"C.V."

In my opinion C.V. goes hand-in-hand with the word flat. We call them resumes here, people. Leave your fancy latin phrases at home.

"Po-Mo"

If you’re talking about postmodernism in the first place you’re venturing dangerously close into pretentious territory. But call it “po-mo,” and frankly you’ve just gone too far.

"My People"

As in, “Have your people call my people” I’m not sure anyone really says this seriously anymore, but if they do it NEEDS to stop. Unless you’re a tribal council elder you don’t “have” people.

"Gastropub"

While I love the idea of a gastropub (gourmet food and beer— what’s not to like?) I have to admit that the word “gastropub” is pretty high falutin’. Let’s call a spade a spade, people.

"Obviously"

I had an English teacher in high school who said that if something is obvious you don’t have to state that it is in fact “obvious.” And you know what? She was right!

Me in Fourth Grade

J/K.

"Moi"

I’m a bit of a Francophile, but have little tolerance for people who pepper their speech with French words (or any foreign words for that matter.) So unless you’re trying to communicate with a French taxi driver, don’t refer to yourself as “moi.”

Was having a perfectly good conversation with you until you ended it with “Ciao!”

This phrase was cute, then it was passe, then it was cute again, now it needs to go away.

Wait, did I just use a pretentious French term while explaining my disdain for a pretentious Italian one??

"Synergy"

When I used to have an office job pretentious words were flying ALL over the place. But if I had to pick just one, I’d have to go with “synergy.”

"Oeuvre"

I know we’ve already talked about French words, but “oeuvre” is so bad it needs its own entry. Unless you’re an 18th century French philosopher, referring to your body of work as your “oeuvre” is just too much.