.jpg "Advice - It's Free and Totally Awesome")
.jpg "Asian Men are the New Black")
.jpg "MEN: The many varieties in New York City")
.jpg "I'm strangely attracted to, (FILL IN THE BLANK)")
.jpg "donnyc")
.jpg "Jokes About Men")
.jpg "Choice Hearing Center")
.jpg "Rejuvenating Healing Massage")
.jpg "Ray Schon State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Dan Tyler State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Awkward Family Portraits will make you say \"WTF?\"")
.jpg "Love is funny: Awesomely BAD engagement photos")
.jpg "Failbook")
.jpg "The Best iPhone Apps For Women")
SPONSORED LISTINGS
Politicians' Guide to Having a Secret Affair for Governor Sanford.
- by donnyc
- -
- June 26, 2009
(10)
.jpg)
Clandestine love-making. Adulterous romps. Top-secret boinking. Call it what you will. But most powerful men seem to feel it is an entitlement that goes with the profession. From Caesar to Kennedy, Napoleon to Clinton, the world's leaders have extramarital nookie as a fact of life.
How Were They So Stupid?
Obviously, most of the professed adulterers never thought they would get caught and subsequently watch their name be dragged through sludge by those nasty yellow journalist. Or they wouldn’t have done it.
The simple key is to, at all times, maintain some assemblance of plausible deniability.
Couple Simple Rules
1. Cash is King
Electronic money transfers are trackable. And when sent to an online brothel, you will raise a red flag. But do we even need to mention this?
Why not stamp on your forehead: "I Love Hookers"
Or wear a "She’s Not My Daughter, She’s my Whore" t-shirt.
2. Go Alone
Yes, bring the concubine. But that’s it. No bar buddies. No paparazzi. Just you and the lady (or man if you’re Joan of Arc, Queen Victoria or HIllary Clinton.)
3. And Certainly Don't Bring Your Kids
Kids love to gossip without knowing it.
“Mommy, why did Daddy fly that ’ho in from Vegas for a back rub?”
4. No Bragging
I don’t care how hot she is or about her amazing “pretzel” imitation, you tell none of your aids, friends or general hangers-on.
5. Choose Your Aid Wisely
You’re going to have to use at least one of your aids to coordinate things. That’s just the way it goes when you’re rich, powerful and oh-so-adored. Think Dwight Shrute to Michael Scott. Tonto to the Lone Ranger. Gilligan to Skipper. You will need to swear by this person.
One never knows who their “von Stauffenberg” is.
6. GMail, Hotmail and the smarts to use an alias
Anyone involved in technology knows nothing on the Internet is anonymous. It’s all trackable back to your IP address. However, even nitwits should know not to use your state government’s email servers and state email address.
And Now On to The....
Hotels play a large role in this, don’t they? And nothing says, “Politician” like a cheap, flea-bag hotel. Rise above! I mean, only your political career depends on how quiet your accomplice keeps. So splurge a little on the spot of the actual indiscretion.
Westin Tabor Center Denver
1672 Lawrence St, Denver, CO 80202
This place oozes class. Probably makes up for your lack of it. This Westin is located downtown and very close to the Pepsi Center. You may be able to squeeze ‘one’ in between super-delegates, ass-kissing and other political nonplus.
This place oozes class. Probably makes up for your lack of it. This Westin is located downtown and very close to the Pepsi Center. You may be able to squeeze ‘one’ in between super-delegates, ass-kissing and other political nonplus.
Brown Palace Hotel and Spa
321 17th St, Denver, CO 80202
Just like the Oval Office, every president since TR has been here! So you too can desecrate a historical landmark just as Bill Clinton did!
Do your dirty deed in the same room Teddy Roosevelt did. Schmooze and snooze in the same bed FDR slept. Let your buck stop where Truman did too. You’re really not a crook if you get nooky where Nixon did.
Just like the Oval Office, every president since TR has been here! So you too can desecrate a historical landmark just as Bill Clinton did!
Do your dirty deed in the same room Teddy Roosevelt did. Schmooze and snooze in the same bed FDR slept. Let your buck stop where Truman did too. You’re really not a crook if you get nooky where Nixon did.
And no adultery guide is complete without the obligatory Spitzer photo
Poster child of duplicity and a posturing small person.
Clandestine Dinner Dates (example:Denver)
You want a little romance over your sloppy joes? It’s possible but don’t take her/him to a Nuggets game. Try these dark, deep and secluded spots.
The Bar
Gabor's
1223 E 13th Ave, Denver, CO 80218
Big sexy red booths. Generous cocktails. Dark.
You can just feel the ghost of JFK about to walk into this keyhole into 1962. A grey suit, skinny black tie and arm around any one of many blondes.
Big sexy red booths. Generous cocktails. Dark.
You can just feel the ghost of JFK about to walk into this keyhole into 1962. A grey suit, skinny black tie and arm around any one of many blondes.
The Winner Is? Your Libido!
One more for the road, Johnny! A shot of the bar at The Horseshoe Lounge.
The Horseshoe Lounge
414 E 20th Ave, Denver, CO 80205
Honky Tonk bars and womanizing cowboys go together like leather and whips. Nobody cares who you’re with here, just keep swilling some whiskey and minding your little philly. And a simple nod of your ten-gallon and wink of your eye will let the other cowboys know, “Keep this on the down low, partner.”
Honky Tonk bars and womanizing cowboys go together like leather and whips. Nobody cares who you’re with here, just keep swilling some whiskey and minding your little philly. And a simple nod of your ten-gallon and wink of your eye will let the other cowboys know, “Keep this on the down low, partner.”
Herb's Hideout
2057 Larimer St, Denver, CO 80205
Jazz and booze. A martini, Coltrane and a petite brunette in a skirt so short, you wonder why she’s wearing it. THIS is why you went into politics.
Legendary Herb’s is perfect for those mid-afternoon get-aways with your soon-to-be-former campaign manager.
Jazz and booze. A martini, Coltrane and a petite brunette in a skirt so short, you wonder why she’s wearing it. THIS is why you went into politics.
Legendary Herb’s is perfect for those mid-afternoon get-aways with your soon-to-be-former campaign manager.
Rocky Flats Lounge
11229 Highway 93, Boulder, CO 80303
A very odd place where no one has seen or heard of that thing called “the Internet.”
Ah, you’ll be safe here.
A very odd place where no one has seen or heard of that thing called “the Internet.”
Ah, you’ll be safe here.
List is tragically long. Resembles Britain in the 1890's before its fall.
They say power corrupts. Don’t buy it. It’s that the easily corruptible seek power all too often.
Brains and Virtue have no correlation.
I hope he runs again. Fun to watch brainy arrogance in a self-fulfilling train wreck. Call it schadenfreude.
Hypocrisy meet Adultery
It’s the public’s absolute and justifiable prerogative to judge you and feel superior. Mainly because morally, most of them are.
- |
- |
- |
- |
- share this
.jpg "PhilHarding")
-
You forgot to mention avoiding airport bathroom hookups, no foot tapping in the stalls!
.jpg "HelenaHandbasket")
-
This is a great guide! I am sure it will be very helpful this week…
.jpg "Chelsea")
-
Most brilliant guide. ever.
Add Our Widget To Your Site
.jpg)
Discussions