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Oscar Mayer's Greatest Hits (Vol. 1)
- by karey_ann
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- July 08, 2009
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- 11 comments
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Farrah, Michael, and now . . . Oscar, too?? It's been a rough couple of weeks for American culture people. Let's take a look back at Oscar Mayer's accomplishments and why he'll always be remembered as the "King of Bologna". (I will do my best to avoid wiener puns and "That's what she said" lobs, but I'm not promising anything).
10 Best Oscar Mayer Commercials
Seriously. Dare you not to sing along.
His marketing campaigns were genius, and these commercials alone insured that Oscar Mayer was the most recognized brand of weiner.
This jingle topped the charts and changed jingle culture forever.
The Wiener Mobile
Then he comes out with this, another excellent marketing idea.
I certainly hope he got to ride around in it whenever he wanted, as the King of Bologna, he certainly deserved it.
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I still want to ride in one of these things. I remember seeing it “in the flesh” in Pittsburgh and drooling.
The wienermobile mini.
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What!? Why didn’t anyone tell me about this??
Just Plain Wieners
Oscar Mayer was the first to brand their weiners and move to national distribution.
I just don’t think they make ’em this long anymore . . . the trend seems more about girth these days.
Keeps Up With the Trends
That’s more like it.
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You like ’em jumbo? ;)
Get Your Sausage On In SF
Rosamunde Sausage Grill
545 Haight St, San Francisco, CA 94117
MMMMmmm. A constantly rotating offering of brats.
Walking by this place on my way home from work definitely has derailed me from many a health kick.
MMMMmmm. A constantly rotating offering of brats.
Walking by this place on my way home from work definitely has derailed me from many a health kick.
Gestalt Haus
3159 16th St. San Francisco CA
Beers and brats? What could be better?
Gestalt also has pool tables and plenty of racks inside for your bike.
It’s a “biker bar”. Get it??
Worked to Keep Americans Slim
Or at least gave them the option. This is the nutritional value of one piece of fat-free bologna.
Which makes us feel better about slathering on the mayo. I’m sure Best Foods is thankful for Mayer’s efforts . . .
Multi-Platinum Sale of Packaged Bologna
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True story: I have never eaten bologna. Does that make me un-American?
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Yes.
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Rice AND bologna would be too much for anyone to live without, but rice WITH bologna kinda just made me hungry..
Bologna Recipes
With these alternative uses for bologna:
* Catfish Bait * Hair pomade * Filler for casseroles * Lubricant for door hinges, bicycle chains, and squeaky cabinets * Shoe polish * Redneck perfume * And many more!One warning though, bologna grease has a strong odor. You might attract dogs, flies, and your cousin Earl if you wear it too long.
One-Upping Spam
One of Oscar’s triumphs.
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I’ve never actually tried this, but saying anything, at all, ever, in the history of the world as we know it could be better than Spam… That’s a tall claim :)
The Logo
Simple 60s genius, no?
Cheap Bacon
Which helped me get through college, because who doesn’t love bacon?
Oh, right, AliciaK doesn’t.
Making Franks Even Faster
Because if you can’t get a meal ready in 35 seconds, is it really worth it?
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They took all the work out of making hot dogs! My life is complete!
The Controversy - Oscar Mayer Up on Charges of Being Un-American
The all-American hot dog-maker doesn’t support our troops?
Wait, AND he’s German??
(One of these was a giant hoax. And I mean GIANT).
Hot Sandwich in a Box
Yeah, I didn’t know they made these either.
Lunchables
But I did know they made these.
I have a certain intimacy with them after eating them EVERY DAY for lunch 4th through 7th grade.
So I have a slightly higher risk of death from all causes. Thanks, Mom.
Pizza In A Box
OK, so pizza in a box by itself isn’t innovative, but how about pizza made from crackers and crappy limp cheese? Yeah! How ’bout that, huh?
Chavez (Cesar) Elementary
825 Shotwell St., San Francisco, CA 94110
They are definitely eating lunchables here.
They are definitely eating lunchables here.
S'mores in a Box
Wow! I’m sure it’s just as good as the real thing!
Safeway Food & Drug
2300 16th, San Francisco, CA 94102
Safeway is super convenient – they have hundreds of stores across the greater bay area.
Oscar Mayer is super-convenient – they have hundreds of varieties of cheap lunched in a box.
It’s a frickin love connection.
Safeway is super convenient – they have hundreds of stores across the greater bay area.
Oscar Mayer is super-convenient – they have hundreds of varieties of cheap lunched in a box.
It’s a frickin love connection.
Lucky Supermarket
1515 Sloat, San Francisco CA
I didn’t know there were still Lucky supermarkets still left out there until I ventured to this side of the city for the first time in a while.
They are guaranteed to have a full stock of Oscar Mayer products.
Meat!
Wienerland Ranch, Ojai CA
Oscar Mayer became increasingly eccentric in his old age and built a massive theme park on his property out in Ojai CA.
The theme park includes wiener rollercoasters, bologna saucers, and employees dressed up as hot dogs complete with buns.
Just kidding. Wouldn’t that have been awesome though?
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