The Greatest Fictional Rock Bands of All Time

By JoeB
updated 3 months ago

Everyone's got a favorite. Be they a one-off in some obscure episode of a television show, or the terrible band of a recurring character, fictional rock bands are a pop culture mainstay. Here are a handful that I think are pretty great. If there are any you think I missed, let me know.

Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman Menderchuk

The Kids in the Hall is my favorite sketch comedy show of all time, and Rod Torfulson’s Armada featuring Herman Menderchuk is exactly what I would expect out of them when it comes to fake bands. The gag is basically that they’re a bad band, but there’s something about Kevin Mcdonald’s vocal delivery in this skit that does it for me, I think.

The Beets

The Beets were just a few of several ancillary characters on Nickelodeon’s Doug, but the bizarre catchiness of their songs caused lots of people to remember them to this day. I’m skeptical that they were even slightly based on the Ramones (as the Wikipedia entry suggests), but they were good nonetheless.

The Blowholes

The Blowholes were Pete Wrigley from Pete & Pete’s band in the episode “A Hard Day’s Pete.” They featured Marshall Crenshaw and Syd Straw , so they would have also been a solid band in real life.

Pain

The episode of CHIPs in which Pain appear is an all-time television classic (summary here ), but the band itself is notable if only because the producers hired Black Flag roadies as creative consultants on this episode. It’s pretty clear that they did their fair share of taking the piss when giving CHIPs advice, but that only made the episode better.

The Paranoids

To me, the Paranoids are the end-all-be-all of literary rock bands. I’m not even sure I can think of another one that compares. Featuring prominently in Thomas Pynchon’s The Crying of Lot 49, they satirize the drugged-out psychedelic youth culture of the time. Thomas Pynchon being one of the best satirists ever, the Paranoids pretty much are what they are.

Mumblin' Jim

Mumblin’ Jim was Jack Nicholson’s fake psychedelic band in the 1968 classic Psych-Out . All of their songs were played by the almighty Strawberry Alarm Clock , but when Jack Nicholson calls in the form of a clip-on ponytail and one of the best b-movies of all time, you’ve got to accept the charges.

Barkley's Barnyard Critters

This is an admittedly esoteric choice. BBC are the product of a very small group of Providence-based artists. They’re part cartoon, part real-life. All of them are animals and they play fun, sloppy post-punk. Their music is better than lots of real, human bands.

The Sacred Cows

A true classic. The Sacred Cows’ appearance on Get Smart encapsulates everything I find great about fictional rock bands. I’ve probably watched this video a hundred times. “Make Trouble Not Love” indeed.

The Archies

The fictional band that started it all, The Archies were wildly popular. Which is kind of weird. “Sugar Sugar” is legitimately one of my favorite pop songs ever written, though, and there’s even a funny controversy about whether Reggie actually played bass or guitar:

The Archies are sometimes jokingly compared to the seminal 60s rock band The Doors, as the Doors also had no bass player. However, there is some controversy over whether Reggie played bass or not; in most drawings, his guitar looks identical to Archie’s, making him the band’s second (or co-lead) guitarist. On the other hand, the recordings of the Archies’ songs regularly featured a bass player, suggesting that Reggie’s instrument is bass.

The Carrie Nations

The Carrie Nations were featured prominently in Russ Meyer’s legendary 1970 feature Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. The Nations serve as a cautionary tale, being sucked into the seedy underbelly of the southern California party scene. I think I just have a soft spot for fake psychedelia.

The Riverbottom Nightmare Band

The unsung stars of the truly underrated muppet classic Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas, the Riverbottom Nightmare band are a group of gnarly guys looking to smash stuff up and take home that sweet, sweet talent show trophy. Who can disagree with that? Not I.

Smoosh

Mr. Show is well-known for featuring lots of excellent fake bands , but Smoosh takes the cake. They’re a take on the fey, annoying Brit bands of the early-to-mid-90’s (Oasis comes to mind, but there were others). It’s not on youtube, unfortunately, so I offer this , an MP3 of my other favorite Mr. Show musical project; 2001: A New Wave Godyssey.

Lancelot Link & the Evolution Revolution

Everyone will probably be better off if I leave this video to explain itself. I will say that I like this song a lot.

The Be Sharps

Considering the Be Sharps were introduced in one of the funniest half-hours ever aired on television , I’d feel like a fool if I didn’t give them the nod. “There was nothing in Al Capone’s vault!/But it wasn’t Geraldo’s fault!”