Surviving Thanksgiving Air Travel

by ElGuapo - October 25, 2008

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Thanksgiving is right around the corner and that means long delays at the airport. So what do you do when your flight is delayed for six hours and you have nothing to do? This happened to El Guapo recently on a flight from Chicago to New York. Here are a few ideas on how to entertain yourself if you're in the same situation...

(1) Go Treasure Hunting

You’d be surprised at how much hidden treasure is in O’hare International Airport. And to be honest, most of it is not even that hidden. Here are a few of the things I found during my six hour layover.

100 Yen coin on the counter at Starbucks. Value: Not sure exactly how much this is worth. Probably like $6 dollars or so.

Atlantic Avenue McDonald’s Monopoly game piece on the floor by the men’s room in Terminal F. Value: $8,333. (Please note, if anyone has game pieces 266 and 267, send El Guapo an email and we can work out a deal to split the $25,000 cash prize)

$1,000,000 dollar bill sitting on top of a magazine at Hudson News Bookseller. This was an extremely exciting find until I turned it over and saw that the currency was issued by the “US Department of Everlasting Life,” and was only an advertisement for Jesus. Value: This one’s hard to value because you can’t really put a price on eternal salvation. Obviously it’s not really worth a million, but it does have some value. El Guapo estimates value is around $14,500.

Total estimated value of treasure: $22,839.

Just imagine if I had a twelve hour delay. I’d probably be like a billionaire right now.

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Crunch Fitness

38 E Grand Ave, Chicago, IL 60611

If exercising at the airport is inconvenient for you, sign up for a membership at this place. They have treadmills. You can walk on them.

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(3) Read a James Patterson Book

If you are a fan of author, James Patterson (and honestly, who isn’t), then you are in luck because the Hudson News Bookseller carries scores of titles by this literary giant.

If you do not like James Patterson, hopefully you like John Grisham as these are the only two authors that Hudson News carries at it’s chain of 600 US and Canadian airport bookstores.

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Barnes & Noble Booksellers

1130 N State St, Chicago, IL 60610

For more James Patterson titles, go here. They have more James Patterson than you can shake a stick at. Or just get a Kindle.

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(4) Sample the Best Yogurt the Country Has to Offer

Every airport has a TCBY and O’Hare is no exception.

Take some time out of your day to go visit this delicious frozen dairy treat retailer. If you ask nicely enough they will let you sample all four flavors (chocolate, vanilla, chocolate/vanilla swirl, and lowfat peanut butter) before purchasing.

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Tcby Treats and Blimpie Subs and Salads

1340 75th St, Downers Grove, IL 60516

If you can’t make it to the airport for ice cream, don’t fret. Head over to Downer’s Grove where you can still can get delicious frozen dairy treats/subs at TCBY’s only non-airport related location in Illinois.

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(5) Try to Talk Your Way Into Your Airline's Executive Lounge

Why deal with crying babies, sick people and the rest of the the hoi-polloi in the general seating area of the airport when you can be eating unlimited cashews and hob knobing with world leaders in the President’s Lounge?

Use persuasion to talk your way past the hostess and guards. If that doesn’t work, try bribing hostess with fake $1,000,000 bill.

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(6) Get Vaccinated

Flu shots are the new Airborn. Don’t get sick on the plane. After everyone finally realized that that Airborne stuff was just alka-seltzer + vitamin c, airports gifts shops stopped carrying it. Luckily you can get a flu shot at the terminal E security checkpoint lobby.

El Guapo thinks it is a bit weird to get flu shot at airport. Like getting oil change at dry cleaners. El Guapo decides to opt out of the system and takes his chances on the plane.

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(8) Take in Some Culture

Chicago is know for having some of the best cultural sites in the country. The O’hare Airport is no exception. There is a science museum right inside between Terminal B and C.

El Guapo decided to check it out. Unfortunately, it turns out that this “science museum” is really only a children’s museum, and when you go there it turns out that this “children’s museum” is actually just a play area for toddlers…El Guapo says, what a crock!

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(9) Toss One Back

When all else fails, do what pilots have done for last 50 years: get drunk at the airport bar.

At the end of hour four, El Guapo had had enough exercising, TCBY sampling, treasure hunting, reading of James Patterson books and museuming for one day. He was ready for a drink or five. While Chili’s Too in Terminal A has excellent margaritas, El Guapo recommends the Fox Sports Skybox in terminal E for best libations and live sports updates in the airport.

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