The Gentleman's Guide To The New York Summer Hook-Up

Don't Go Looking For It

Listen up: Jason Biggs tried to make it happen once, and all he got was sweet action from a pie (no pun intended). It’s hot. People are irritated. The line at The Shake Shack is insanely long. DON’T BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS LOOKING FOR ACTION ALL SUMMER. You won’t get it. Or worse, you will get it, but the girl will keep showing up everywhere you go, wondering when she’s going to meet your parents. Just let it happen. I know: easier said than done, but it’s The Gods’ Honest Truth. 9 times out of 10, a summer hook-up will just happen. That isn’t to say you shouldn’t be polishing your A-game. But think of it this way: you’re a girl, it’s summer. Between playing “Hide The Grope” on the subway and listening to another frat boy douchebag recite from The Book of Mystery, the last thing she wants is you trying to not look like you’re not into her.

Be Spontanious

In a summer hook-up, anything can happen. Go with the flow. This isn’t like a typical relationship. Actually, it’s better: it’s all the good parts of a relationship and no real drama. By this, you can assume I’m talking about sex. If you honestly waste an opportunity to have mind-blowing, holy-$@!#-I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening sex, then you’re an idiot. It’s something about the heat – it just makes kids horny. But be wise: always carry protection. Remember that Swine Flu is not your only health concern this summer. And if you’re in a situation where you don’t have a condom, go for the next best thing (in terms of fooling around I mean; tree leaves will not help you out). That all said, if you two are out in a park, a museum, the uptown A train at 1 in the morning, and she gets that look in her eye, you’d be wise to follow her lead.

Check The Links

The Summer Hook-Up has a long and storied tradition. It seems like everyone can lay claim to at least one. Here’s the rundown: two (assumedly) young people find themselves making out. In any other given circumstance, it would never happen. But because of an internship, a summer beach house, or boredom, it does. And it’s magical. For a brief period of time, YOU can make it happen with a girl with whom – in any other case – it would NEVER happen. However, it can also go horribly wrong.

Let’s get something clear right now: The Summer Hook-Up is a limited time offer. After August, she’s going back to California – or her boyfriend returns from Europe – either way, it’s meant to end. Don’t kid yourself. Just let it be what it is and go from there.

Self-Defeatism Isn't Sexy

It seems odd that I have to bullet point this, but I’m also someone who believes Jamie Moyer could still be a starting pitcher for The Phillies when he’s 80 (presently, he’s 46). A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who wouldn’t shut up about a girl he had just met. She had given him her phone number and said “Let’s hang out sometime. I host an open mike. You should definitely come out to play it.” My friend then asked me, “Do you think she’s into me?” I stared at him, dumbfounded “Yes. She sounds pretty clear-cut to me.” However, he was still trying to play it safe (?) and still didn’t want to make any assumptions. He insisted this strategy was going to work. I met this girl a week later, and she was throwing herself at him. But, he ended up sending her home at the end of the night; because he “wasn’t feeling it.”

Let me save you a quandry: if she’s giving you her REAL number and not mentioning a boyfriend, all systems go. The only reason my friend wasn’t into this very cute girl was because, he was so busy trying to avoid rejection that he completely missed the boat. Do yourself a favor – if you’re worried about looking like an idiot, stop dating, and go get a shrink. In the meantime, TAKE. WHAT. YOU. CAN. GET.  

When It's Time To Let Go, Let Go

As I said at the top: The Summer Hook-Up has a limited shelf life. It’s sad, but true dude. When all is said and done, it’s best that you two just go your separate ways and let Fate decide if you’re getting back together. Not too long ago, I tried to make something from the summer last longer than it should have; suffice to say, it wasn’t meant to be that way. But I still think about that girl sometimes, and I’ll always remember that we did have some awesome times together. You would be best to do the same. Don’t be the uber-romantic who wants to believes that “Love Conquers All”. You’ve been watching too many Matthew McConaughey flicks if you are one. Let it go. Ler her go. And get on with your life. Believe me, all’s well that ends well.