In these Big Apple with a Worm dive bars, tears are made of whiskey and any woman under the age of forty is probably lost or direly in need of a restroom. (And always leaves regretful that she used this one.) So why would one ever venture into one of these joints? Well, because some have their charm and may be worth the stale air for a coldish, cheap one with the right crew. As for the others, stay well away. You've been warned! And why does yours truly know so much about Lonely Old Man Bars? I'm afraid it's none of your business.
I’ve never stayed at the Hotel Pennsylvania, probably because I live in the City, so if I had that would probably make me a prostitute. What I can tell you is that its bar is as sad as they come, and as dives go, this one isn’t even cheap.
I went here for a drink with my friend, Jeffrey, who enjoys ridiculous adventure as much as I do, and we both ordered fairly straightforward martinis. Not only did the bartender manage to miss the mark with his pour, he also served us some questionable glasses, and even his union wages couldn’t keep his spirits above floor-level.
Seeing the lonely old men and women, whom I assumed to be regulars, made me think that perhaps they got some kind of discount. These were midtown prices for dive quality drinkage.
Subway Inn – a Lonely Old Man Bar
Rudy's Bar and Grill
627 9TH AVE NEW YORK, NY 10036
A big pig greets you when you enter Rudy’s Bar and Grill in midtown. This dive is located, more specifically, in Hell’s Kitchen, which – just as the name might suggest – used to be a really bad neighborhood. Probably a testament to its central location, affordable liquid, and a seating area in the back, Rudy’s has survived despite its otherwise unrecognizable surroundings.
Malachy’s. Where the jukebox rules, (not a bad one, actually) the regulars leer, and the underage students get away with pitcher after pitcher of lukewarm brew with either bad fake IDs or none at all. I won’t cop to anything, but yes, I did log a few hours in the dank booths of this West 72nd street establishment way back when.
The sad truth is, Doc Holliday’s, formerly one of Alphabet City’s most authentic lonely old man bars, has more tortured college student souls straight from their NYU dorms than actual lonely old men these days. This “cowboy” bar could be a convenient pit stop after an open-mike at The Sidewalk Cafe, or just a kitschy neighborhood destination for a pauper’s night out. And in downtown Manhattan, who isn’t grateful for an inexpensive sip?
This dive doesn’t seem to belong in its Upper East side location; in very close proximity to Bloomingdales, some of the City’s most expensive dwellings, and popular museums, the Subway Inn is definitely a bar that you either frequent or stumble into.
You kind of get that Old West feeling when you walk in and heads turn. You order a beer – stick to beer – and there’s a better than 50-50 chance you’ll have to dust off the cap before you crack it open. But if you’re not into the yuppie ambiance and prices to match of other Upper East Side establishments, this lonely old man bar might be just the ticket for you and yours. Cheers.
Man oh man. I went here as an outsider at a business function. Bumbling bankers and men and women in cheap business suits, trying to make the most of a Coors Light fest on the company’s dollar. Well, wouldn’t you? But if you do find yourself here for any reason (leave immediately), my recommendation is to stick to things that you can swallow without chewing. I used to think that you could fry almost anything and it would taste decent; Mulligan’s disproved this theory. And how!
Bellevue Bar
This is in memory of. R.I.P., the very appropriately-named Bellevue Bar! The “draw” of this dive was that it was dangerously close to Port Authority, and anyone who’s ever taken the shuttle bus to Atlantic City from Port Authority knows exactly what kind of a crowd can come teeming out of those doors. So dark inside the Bellevue Bar that patrons would have needed night vision goggles to see exactly whom or what they were stumbling into. Pale guts and unidentifiable stains were just a couple of its distinct charms.
Recounts my friend, Rob: “I’m havin’ a beer at Bellevue and some drunk lady – who turns out to be the bartender – gets up on the bar and starts dancing topless, then goes to the bathroom. She comes out of the bathroom and says, What’s with people pissing all over the floor? It’s like you’re always stepping in piss!” I’m sorry the city didn’t decree Bellevue a historical landmark worthy of exhibit so that you could view its splendor safely from behind museum ropes.
Musician Tim Young, a regular act at Bellevue Bar, formerly located in Hell’s Kitchen, New York City, plays a mean guitar and gives some of the dive’s former patrons a teary eye. Bellevue was truly on of the City’s most authentic Lonely Old Man bars.
It’s called the Raccoon Lodge…need I say more? No, of course I will because that’s really the whole point. The first impression of The Raccoon Lodge is that it you should, in theory, be able to see inside. But the store front windows are coated with decades of grease, smoke residue, and sad patronage that make the scene inside impossible to view, even by the most eagle-eyed lonely old man bar gawker. I did hear, however, that while I was throwing a mean game of darts across the street one night, John Corbett (aka Sex and the City’s Aidan Shaw) was actually hangin’ out there at the Raccoon Lodge. If you ask me, that’s the only reason in the world to ever take a gander there.
NYC Lonely Old Man Bars
This map will come in handy when you’re searching for New York City’s BEST Lonely Old Man Bars!
Brought to you by Guidespot.comCopyright 2008 - Local Matters Inc.
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