Naughty Christmas Habits

by stephaniedevine
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January 05, 2009
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As I de-cashewed yet another bowl of Holiday Chex Mix I got to thinking, what is it about the holiday season that makes me want to be so bad? I can’t be the only one out there with naughty Christmas habits. So what are yours?

Buying Gifts and Keeping Them for Yourself

I’m already on my fourth pair of earrings—but instead of wrapped and nestled under the Christmas tree with the tag “To: Mom” on them, these accessories dangle on my jewelry holder and wait to be worn on my head.
It cannot be helped.
Really, the only time it is better to give away these desired items is when it means not having to shop for presents anymore—which is really a gift to oneself anyway.

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Sloshed Santa Clause

Ever work the holiday circuit as an elf or Santa, himself? If so, you know that nothing will make you want to spike you egg nog more than catering to noisy, little children or worse, drunk adults at an employee Christmas party. It’s not that it’s abnormal to get a little toasted during the holiday season but when I’m dressed like a beloved Christmas character, I know I should know better.

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Weight Loss Center

5757 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90036

Don’t worry about it now. Worry about it on the 26th!

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Taking Sentimental Gift Wishes Seriously

All you want is me for Christmas?

Done.

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Santa’s Ho’s

Turning PG Christmas characters into “ho’s” has to be a crime against the holiday. I never understood the “Sexy Little Christmas” party considering if one wants to stand out from the slew of sleazy Mrs. Clauses it means befouling another beloved Christmas character. And yet, every year I find myself trying to be creative in my slut-wear, leaving me struggling with the timeless question, “How can I be Yukon Cornelius. . . but sexy?”

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Guilty Pleasures

Find yourself dancing around your room to NSYNC’s “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays” song for the 38th consecutive time this season? Don’t worry, I’ve been there.

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Re-gifting

By now I know better than to buy fruitcake in the first place, but that still doesn’t stop me from re-gifting any and every item wrapped in cellophane. It’s hard not to feel the judgmental eyes of Chris Cringle when I find myself dividing the large gift basket my next-door neighbor gave me into smaller gift baskets for my family friends.

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Multi-Gifting

There are way too many people out there that are expecting gifts from me this year. Ergo, I have devised a system of mass gift giving that is not hard at all provided most of your friends do not know each other. For example, all of my out of town friends this year are getting California sand in a glass jar with a hand-made hemp bracelet wrapped around it. It’s cheap, it’s thoughtful, it’s personal, and there’s plenty to go around for everyone! Consider my gifting finished.

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Kidnapping the Baby Jesus

If you live in a small town, or if you’re visiting one, with a life-sized nativity scene, it’s always fun to steal the baby from the manger and leave a ransom note. Prior to all those laws that allow you to leave an unwanted baby at a firehouse, it was fun to leave clues to a nearby shallow grave.

added by Vincente 12/23/2008

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