MUNI FOR DUMMIES: A Beginner's Guide To The San Francisco Muni System
Don't be shy: Hop on the bus! It's time to get up close and personal with every one of this city's 100-year-old Chinese women, and every pimp's purple velvet armpit. Here are some tips to help you manage the quirks and crowds of the SF Muni.
1) Bring $1.50 & Grab A Transfer
You didn’t hear it from me, but no one ever really seems to check those transfers too fastidiously. You could probably wave some Monopoly money around in the bus driver’s face, and you’d get on. But anyway, $1.50 will do the trick. (No change on buses).
HINT: Don’t get sneaky on the underground trains, though. I know a girl who got a $50 ticket. Salty!
2) ...Or Get A Monthly Pass - $45
I did the math: If you ride the bus twice a day during workweeks, you’ll save $15 a month by grabbing one of these passes. You can get them at Walgreen’s, Safeway, Trolley Kiosks, etc. You can even order them in the mail if you do it before the 22nd of the preceding month. And that’s more than you ever wanted to know about a bus pass.
Bored at work? Plan ahead, so you don’t ever have to leave your house to go buy one of these passes!
They sell passes at Rossi.
They sell passes at Rossi.
They’ve even got ’em at Ho Ho!
They’ve even got ’em at Ho Ho!
A Few Places To Buy Muni Passes
Though, the choices are endless…
6) And Request Your Stop!
Especially if you’re on an Express bus. Or you might accidentally end up in North Beach or something. And ain’t nobody want to go to North Beach.
7) Don't Be Afraid To Wing It, Yo!
San Francisco is a small city. Chances are, if you get on a bus going in the general direction you’re headed, you’ll get there, or pretty close. No need to look like a tourist with your little bus map if you get the gist of things. There are maps inside most kiosk walls, and often little time clocks that tell you when the next bus is arriving!
They’ll tell you to take five buses when you should probably take one, but hey, it’s a good way to start out.
9) Sometimes The Cables Just Stop Working
Especially when it rains. Ever see a young girl running through the puddles of Van Ness in heels with a rolling suitcase? That was me! Maybe I’ve just had bad luck, but I think the buses have a few issues in the rain. Don’t be surprised if you have to air-dry your socks at work a few times during rainy season.
Some other rainy day tips.
3) Approach The Bus's Odor Like You Would Chemical Warfare
Yes, friends, it’s true: The Muni can get smelly. People will cough on you, the window washer with Pigpen-like stink-waves radiating from him WILL sit right next to you and spill some bleach onto your jeans. Just prepare yourself mentally, and sit next to a window on hot days.
4) Sit Near Exits When Possible
Or you’ll feel like a big jerk when you totally miss your stop because you couldn’t squeeze through the mass of 13-year-olds showing each other their Tamagatchis.
5) Step Down To Open Back Doors
Some buses have the push-activated handles, but that step-down version is more common. Seriously, step down, or the driver will just pass by your stop.
8) Make Use Of The Little Bus Shelter Time Clocks
Rather than just sit on the hard folding chair with birdpoop on it, while staring at a poster for Josh Effron’s new movie, dart into a nearby store with remaining time. Those little time clocks can be wrong sometimes, but at least they give me hope!
10) Enjoy The Characters You'll Meet On The Bus
Like the Rat-Cat-Dog Guy. If you look at your kooky carpool mates through the eyes of an anthropologist, you probably won’t be so resentful when one of them accidentally smashes a paper bagged bottle of Fernet on your seat-back.
More on these characters here.
It’s nice to have the bus option, but usually it’s better to walk.
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I like to overdress, I don't understand musical theater, and I'm always the one who changes the message in a game of Telephone.
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