Most likely to be eaten by their hair...part I

by heatheradair
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October 27, 2008
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Move over Farrah...these celebs are one hot oil treatment away from disappearing forever into the hungry abyss of their own tresses. That said, I'd trade coifs with any of 'em...I'd just lay down a few ground rules first....I'd sleep with a pair of kitchen shears under my pillow and never, EVER be left unsupervised with a curling iron.

Vanessa Hudgens

The hair wears the girl here. A slight, little thing like Vanessa had better watch the volume, she’s in danger of disappearing completely under the crispy curls (ah, that must be what she’s wearing the lucky charm around her neck for – !)

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Lauren Conrad

Hers will be a slow death. It’s crept up on her, steadily gaining ground from around about the time Heidi became Hills Barbie. It’s LC’s counterinsurgency – one flip of her head and the tresses would swallow anyone on the runway alive. Run, Lauren. Run before we can’t tell which MTV Faux-Star is under that wig…

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Kim Kardashian

Unfortunately for Kim, her entire body threatens mutiny. If her hair doesn’t get her and her cleavage doesn’t decide to pull rank, she may very well suffer Death By Fake Eyelashes. Just wait – she may look relatively coiffed, but hair can only handle being curled into harmonious submission for so long before it decides it needs a midnight snack…

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Colin Farrell

I had a nightmare once, where Colin showed up and crashed our family vacation (which involved riding in a horse-drawn carriage through a shopping mall. eh, dreams) and my mother insulted my “poor flirting skills” and my “failure to properly entice the Colin.” Me, I find him terrifying. AND, he needs a girl to teach him how to properly construct the “half ponytail.” Otherwise, it’ll have him for dinner.

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Christina Aguilera

It’s just a wig….until somebody gets hurt – ! Hers will more likely be a “Starship Troopers” style invasion: the prickly bangs will suck her brains out through her eye sockets…the razor sharp ends will attack through the nose. Won’t be pretty. Her best defense: Fly-trap lipstick. Should stave off the carnage until her top can hypnotize the wig.

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Discussions

: by thinkbig 07/12/2009 Reply

Since when was long, thick hair unattractive? Leona Lewis, Geri Halliwell, Lauren Conrad etc etc all look extremely gorgeous. Would you seriously rather thin straggly hair? Weirdo.

: by elguapo 10/22/2008 Reply

one time when El Guapo was even poorer than he is now, he was almost eaten by his hair. He had a giant Jewfro and didnt have the cash to go to a barber so he decided to cut his own hair to save money. All he had were the tiny swiss army knife scissors. It took him two hours to do the front and the sides, at which point he realized he wasnt going to be able to cut the back at all. So El Guapo went to school the next day with a JewFro mullet (which was awesome by the way). I got my roommate to cut the back for me the next day, and promise that I would never try cutting my own hair again…

: by heatheradair 10/22/2008 Reply

Um, you’re completely right about Zac Efron…how can he even SEE from under that stuff? I don’t know a man on earth that would spend time getting his hair to do what that kid’s does.

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About The Author

heatheradair

Madison Park

Complete pop-culture junkie (no celebrity scandal too small to yak about)...Still have overblown dreams of being President...or winning an Oscar...or finding the perfect-fitting pair of jeans. Happiest when I've got a big bag of candy in one hand and a poorly-written crime novel in the other. Han...