The Minor Details of Dating In New York

First Contact

Obviously, this is the most important effort you will make after actually securing viable contact information from her. Let me just say right now: if she tells you “Look me up on Facebook.”, you might as well just throw her in the memory bank for personal use. Any interested party will give you direct contact info. Sorry, but I just don’t believe in the power of Superpoke. Anyway, so it’s now on you to make something of yourself. What are your options? Good question. There are three basic ways to follow-up with a potential life partner. Study these with care.

The Phone Call – The old stand-by. This was the same way your grandparents met, and also how you can mess something up before it started. When you call her, I actually advocate calling within 24 to 48 hours of first meeting her. First off, it shows you’re interested. Second, it keeps your memory fresh in her head. Do you honestly think she’ll remember you three days later? Women traditionally always have the advantage when meeting people, and in New York – with an over 8 million person head count – you need to make staying in contact with her a priority. That said, call once, leave a thirty second voicemail, and then don’t do anything. If she doesn’t get back to you in two days, you could try again, but my guess is she’s too nice to tell you “bug off.”

The E-mail - There are many psychos in this town. Don’t take it personally if she opts to give you her e-mail address over a phone number. Not only is it more practical, but there’s always escape of the SPAM folder. That all said, the advent of AIM speak and short attention spans really do have a tendency to suck all the romance out of the written word. Your first e-mail should be within a day – it’s just common sense. Everybody has internet access in 2008. Keep it short, to the point, and don’t pose anything as a question. Present the first date as a possibility, like “It would be cool to check out The Bell House together.” Confidence is key. Also, if your signature is an Insane Clown Posse lyric, you may want to delete that.

The Text Message – Huh. Okay, I guess that’s a way to get in touch with her. Texting should really only be used for specific purposes.

1. When a call seems impratical, or overzealous.
2. After the date actually happens.
3. To figure out if she even likes you.

AHEM!

Sometimes, you meet a girl who is just aggressive. She knows what she wants and she makes the first move. But most of the time, it’s because you’re just an idiot and can’t take a hint. I should mention that I can sympathize with this kind of ignorance. You’re reading a guide written by a former fat kid, a Star Wars fan, and the perennial “nice guy” for eight years of high school and college. I used to joke that if women would just start wearing signs around their necks, that would make life so easy. Anyway, it does get easy to misinterpret mixed signals; especially when you have a penchant in your early twenties for women who… send mixed signals. Women like the idea of being sought after, so flirting can be a dangerous art. However, if she’s actually trying to broadcast an attraction to you, she’ll often do things to catch your attention, she’ll find ways to stand out in a crowd, or she may just simply beat you over the head with the obvious. Here’re five sure-fire signs that all you need to do is just ask for her number:

1. She takes time to, regularly (as in “daily”), seek you out and talk.
2. She will spend a whole hour doing nothing but having an e-mail conversation with you.
3. Do you blog? Does she always comment? Hint-HINT.
4. She asks your advice on clothing that makes her body look good.
5. She will find an excuse to spend time with you, even if she has plans or work.

Check The Links

An argument for chivalry

Welcome to dating in New York – it’s not about you. Seriously. What gets tough about being single here, after a while, is that so many people are hung-up on fantasy. Don’t get me wrong: When Harry Met Sally is a great movie; I love the music of Frank Sinatra; who wouldn’t want to end up with Mary Jane Watson? But too many people seem to buy into the idea that life somehow imitates art. So we all build these completely unrealistic expectations of what falling in love should be like. Truthfully, most guys in this town are going to spend their lives chasing after Nico, and women actually expect Mr. Big to just show up at their front door. Until then, everybody has their guard up. So, you would be surprised how a little chivalry goes a long way. Open a door. Mention that she looks beautiful when she’s made no effort. Actually walk her home, if you can help it. You can’t change any unreality she may have, but you can get her thinking that you are different from the rest.

The Brooklyn Promenade

A long sought-after favorite among couples and smooth operators alike. The Promenade offers amazing views of lower Manhattan, the Statue of Liberty, and The Brooklyn Bridge. For a nice spot that is clearly no-cost and scenic, nice choice. Just make sure that if you’re keeping the expenses low, that you’re paying for everything.

Dressed to impress... kinda

Everybody wants to make a good first impression. In dating, it’s no exception. Of course, making too much of an effort can hurt you just as much as no effort. What? Yup, that’s right, I said the greatest contradiction in all of dating. There’s always the old saying “Just be yourself”. But “yourself” may the guy who likes to only do laundry when necessary. Or, the guy who’s got Papa John’s on his “Favorites” in his phone book. What you want to shoot for in this case is actually an upgrade of “yourself”. A “greatest hits” version of you. Let me put it to you this way: she’s going to get a sense of you the minute you two lay eyes on one another. It’s best to be comfortable with you are, but also to put the best of your appearance out there. No ties. No designer jeans. If your sneakers are in desperate need of replacements, you may want to do that and then break the new ones in a bit. Remember that you are meeting someone for the first time. They’re going to want to know you. Just don’t think that includes you boasting your resume.

Gum vs. Mint

Gum. Yes, you have to chew gum, but you can control that to the point it doesn’t look obnoxious. Plus, mints can explode on you – as I’ve found with Altoids.