There is only ONE rule!

RULE ONE:

If “she” is happy, then everyone is happy.

Let me repeat for effectiveness:
If “she” is happy, then everyone is happy.

Lets look at it this way:
If “insert name of significant other here” is happy, then everyone is happy.

And one more time for those of you who just still can’t get it:
If “the person I love” is happy, then everyone is happy.

Explaination of the Rule:

If your woman is happy, you will be happy.

Can it be any simpler?

You see, as you may or may not know, women are wired a bit differently than men. Men, you might get mad, angry, upset, grumpy, pissy, bad mood, whatever…. but you’ll get over it sooner or later. After all, you are a man. Now women on the other hand, might get just as mad, angry, upset, grumpy, pissy, bad mood, whatever….but the difference is that we won’t get over it, we won’t forget…we may forgive, but dare piss us off again, and it’s amazing how that long forgotten thing will jump right up and slap you in the face.

I kid you not!

Now some men and some women may disagree about how our species is wired, but then those people are more than likely not so normal and probably shouldn’t be reading this. You’ve been warned. For those who are still interested in this theory, well why not give it a try? After all, you may enjoy dinner or sex more than once a month.

Guidelines for the clueless

Ok, ok, ok, so you’re still having a little trouble understanding exactly how you can live by the rule and not break it; no problem.

Here are ten simple guidelines that will help to keep you from getting stabbed in the eye with a knife…or a pitchfork to your head…you get the idea (joke again for those of you with no humor):

1. Every time you look at her, smile, never scowl at her. (you’ll regret it as that scowl is permanently ingrained in that simmering pot)
2. When she catches you being an idiot, admit it and apologize. (lying makes it worse because we are not as stupid as you’d like to think and we won’t believe you anyway)
3. Never get caught checking out other women. (just how stupid are you?)
4. Bring her gifts frequently. Flowers, jewelry, spa certificates, dinner, etc. (this helps to keep her happy)
5. Do chores for her, especially the ones she hates. (you’ll earn big points here)
6. Thank her and acknowledge her hard work (she does more in 5 minutes than you can do in an hour…you just don’t see it because you can’t…you’re a man)
7. Always tell her how “hot” she is, so she can hear it from you and not all the other men she comes in contact with. (that just makes you look bad)
8. Every woman enjoys a little romance so try some candles, soft music, full body massages, dancing, basically anything she likes. (If you do, she can brag to her girlfriends and if you don’t you’re just an ass because then she has nothing to brag about besides your lack of attentiveness)
9. Take time to share your day with her, unless she is not interested. (in that case your day is just as boring to her as it was to you, so why should you bore her with it and risk making her unhappy?)
10. If you are wrong about something, fix it quick! If she is wrong but thinks she is right, agree with her anyway. (remember the rule)

Why and How this rule works:

The Why:

Very simply, because when the woman isn’t happy, well guess what? No one around her is going to be either! If she has to be miserable, so will you! She will not, I REPEAT will not be pleasurable if she is upset in any way. That alone right there should be enough for you to follow the simple rule. You see, when the woman is not in peace and harmony in her world, she is off-kilter and not just you, but everyone around her will take the brunt of her outbursts or actions. If you are in her vicinity, you’ll get creamed. Thus, by adhering to rule number one (the only rule you need), your life can and will be heaven! That is WHY the rule will work for you. You keep her happy and your life will be great.

The How:

So how does this rule work you ask? Simply….you keep her happy and in a good mood and she won’t have any need to thrash you. In fact, she might even give you that extra dinner or sex you’ve been wanting. It’s amazing how loving and admiring a woman can be when she is happy. Don’t forget though…there is always ammunition that has been brewing (unbeknownst to the happy woman) as just a simmer in the back of her mind where it will stay safely tucked away unless you break the rule. At this time, all hell will break loose and all that crap you thought was dead and buried will fly out of her mouth leaving you shocked, stunned, surprised,  making your own dinner, and not getting any. This is HOW the rule works.

Guidlines for the clueless cont...

Here are ten more guidelines just in case the first ten weren’t enough:

1. Do everything her way and you’ll have no problems. (this is a no-brainer)
   
2. Don’t forget ever that her way is the right way always and no matter how you try to convince her that your way is right, she just won’t see it that way, so why waste your breath. (again…read rule #1)
   
3. If you break the rule and pissed her off and she is out of control, realize that you are to blame, accept responsibility for your lack of consciousness, get down on your knees and beg her forgiveness. Kiss her and hold her and when she is sated, go out and get her some flowers and do a bit more groveling.
   
4. When she asks how she looks, always tell her she looks great, is hot, smokin’ hot, and how you are so lucky to have her. (in reality, you are lucky you have her)
   
5. Stand up and be a man. Fix that crap around the house that she has only asked you a hundred times to take care of. (if you’re too late and she had to do it herself, then slacker, lazy ass and good for nothing is added to the simmering pot)
   
6. Help with the kids, the pets, the house, etc.. By taking over some of her regular responsibilities, you allow her the extra time she needs to take care of all the stuff you never get around to doing. (see 5 above)
   
7. Make sure she has alone and/or personal time every day. Just like you, she has interests of her own and should have enough time to pursue some of those interests. (or she may simply not want to be around you, in which case it’s better that she is not – you probably broke THE RULE and only bad can come of keeping her company when she doesn’t want it).
   
8. In times of breakdown (hers not yours), hold her, caress her, sooth her and don’t try to make it about you. (It probably already is and you will only make it worse)
   
9. If she doesn’t like what you are wearing out in public, change! (you seriously don’t want to look like a dork do you?...after all she has to be seen with you)
   
10. Last: When out in public together, hold her hand or put your arm around her or show some affection. (this keeps her interested in you and keeps other men at bay…remember SHE IS HOT!)