Men’s guide to getting out of the doghouse – Westminster, CO

A quick note about the “doghouse” severity. You forget to call and tell your girl you’re going to be 20 minutes late coming home from work that’s about a 1 on the doghouse scale. You forget to call your girl to tell her your going to be 12 hours late coming home from the bars that’s about a 10 on the scale. It’s very important to match the solution to the severity. If you mismatch a solution with it’s severity, you risk getting yourself in the doghouse further or worse… you may set the bar WAY too high for next time you screw up (BTW a “next time” is probably inevitable… think death and taxes).

Cards (severity 1-2)

I’ve heard that A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. While you don’t really “hear” a card the point is women love sweet talk whether it’s written or verbal. The right card will patch up most all rough spots in the relationship road. Some good cards can be found at the local grocery but for an extra special card on fine cardstock go here:

Massage / spa day (severity 6-9)

Last year I forgot my fiancé’s birthday. Normally you’d think this would rate about a 5 or so on the doghouse scale but birthday’s for my girl are very special days indeed. They are NOT to be forgotten. Last year was a particularly significant birthday (the big three- oh) and we’d talked about making it a very special day for her. A few months before her day we talked about it, a few weeks before we talked about it, a few days before we talked about it. Her mom even called and reminded me not to forget. The big day came and NOTHING! I completely forgot. No card, no gift… not even a “happy birthday sweetheart”. What’s worse is she thought I’d been trying to trick her all day that I’d forgot her birthday and then surprise her with something special… you can imagine her disappointment when she found out my idiocy was genuine. I gave new meaning to the word “obtuse” on that day. At any rate… a mistake this egregious meant I needed to bring out the big guns… flowers weren’t going to cut it this time. I needed to get her a spa day! Anyway… next day I made an appointment at the spa in this hotel, I drove her down and there dropped her off with my credit card and I said to the lady “whatever she wants”. A couple $10 mimosas, a “signature” massage, an “escape” facial and something called a “body polish” later she was feeling better about me. I won’t lie to you… it was an expensive day my friend, but in the end she loved it and all was forgiven. Now who can put a price on that kind of magic?

Flowers (severity 2-6)

Flowers are God’s gift to oblivious men. They are almost universally appreciated by the fairer sex and I ask you… what says “I’m sorry” better than flowers? I’ve messed up many times throughout my relationship “career” and as a result have bought thousands of flowers over the years. The best flowers in terms of quality and price that I’ve found can be bought here:

HINT: if you’re really in trouble, don’t go for just plain roses… no no. You need to get her a basket arraignment or an arrangement centered around something called a “stargazer lily”. Nothing says “it was all my fault” more than a unique and expensive bouquet of flowers just for her.

Jewelry (severity 9 – 10)

Dude… if you screwed up this bad you might also think about relationship counseling. Seriously… when you’re in this deep… there is no easy way out of the doghouse. You’re going to need to suck-up some hurt and put yourself in some serious debt. Jewelry is your only way out my friend. As much as I hate to give them a plug of any kind because of their irritating radio commercials, the Shane company has great stuff at pretty reasonable prices.

If jewelry doesn’t work…