Meatstravaganza: Carnivore Heaven in the Bay Area

I’ve mentioned this place before, in reference to their delicious “Chris Combo” mystery sandwich. I’d like to bring them up for a different meatgasam: The Death Sandwich. This monstrosity is made up of 2 lbs. of meatballs, spread over two quarter loaves of garlic bread. This is one of those sandwiches that requires a full day’s fast to really dig into. While we’re on the subject of La Villa, I would like to remind readers of the Chris Combo. It’s great for the less discerning meat lovers, because I’m not fully sure what’s in it. The contents are a closely guarded secret (they keep the meats and cheeses preassembled in the fridge, part to keep the secret, part to speed up the production process), but Turkey and some kind of Italian prepared pork product are definitely a part of the combo. Beyond that? I dunno…

Fast, reliable barbecue that is hard to beat. While you can easily just go to pick up individual meals, Armadillo Willy’s understands that true barbecue was meant to be shared family style. To that end, they offer several family packs to go. The end all be all of these packs is the “Belly Buster.” This is two kinds of ribs, a whole chicken, brisket, pork roast, sausage and more sides than you can shake your bloated, fat filled arm at. They say it serves four, but that’s really more of a suggestion than a requirement.

Producing authentic cheesesteaks and hogies, Amato’s is a mainstay for my visits when I want to cheat on my diet. They have chopped steak sizzling on the grill non-stop and offer three cheese choices: American, Provelone, Wiz. Like I said: Authentic. They serve three sizes: Shorty, Half, Whole. Don’t let the names fool you. While it sounds like you’re looking at “tiny”, “small” and “large”, it’d be more accurate to call them “Large”, “Supersized” and “Party Sub.” The whole is 24" long. That’s two solid feet of melted cheese and grilled beef. They also do Pizza Subs where they pour pizza sauce over the sandwiches. Amato’s is also one of the few places around here where I can find a decent order of cheese fries. Not too soggy, not to "nacho"y. Perfecto!

Sometimes you just want some meat, and you’re not going to be too picky about where it comes from. When that craving hits, you can just roll down to your local steakhouse and get settled. However, sometimes no ordinary steak will do. You can’t just be happy with ANY steak, and even a “regular” filet mignon isn’t going to satisfy the craving. No no, when you get “the urge”, only one thing is going to do it for you: Wagyu. Cut from magical cows from Japan, Wagyu is both amazingly delicious and remarkably expensive. It’s tender and well marbled and maybe the most tasty steak you will ever eat. However, the deliciousness of the base meat is only half the battle. You can find a great many restaurants that will cook Wagyu, but if you’re going to be paying this much money, you’ll want a place that will do it right. Enter Harris’s Restaurant. Widely agreed to be the best steakhouse in San Francisco, Harris’s will cook Wagyu to perfection, combining the greatest preparation with the greatest beef for a combination that will rock your world.

Oh Chicken Fried Steak. So much potential for greatness, so much potential for disappointment. For those of you who are not “hip” to the wonders and magics that come together to form Chicken Fried Steak, I’ll fill you in. You take a steak, pound it thin, coat it in batter and fry it. It’s food for people who enjoy fried chicken but have heard disturbing rumors that chicken might be good for you. I used to love to go to the Whaling Station in Monterrey, because they served an amazing Chicken Fried Steak. Tragically, they’ve taken it off the menu, which has led me on a lonely and challenging quest to find another Chicken Fried Steak of equal or lesser value. Until recently, I’ve had no luck. There are lots of places that serve Chicken Fried Steak, but many of them are divey diner places that make it greasy and soggy. This is a cardinal sin in the world of Chicken Fried Steak (which is always capitalized, because it is magic). One day, a friend mentioned that he had been to BJ’s Brewhouse and noticed they served CFS. I’d always been pretty OK with the food at BJ’s. They do a decent burger and a fantastic rootbeer. I’m not much of a beer drinker or a sports watcher, so trips there tended to be only alright. However, once I discovered that they make the holy grail of fried foods, I had to visit right away. I’m pleased to report that they did not disappoint. The coating was crisp and never soggy, the gravy was smooth and creamy, the mashed potatoes were cheddary. It was a dream come true. Even better? It’s big enough to cut in half and box up right away. Half of that is too much for me to eat in one sitting (but I do it anyway, because I’m bad, and I love Chicken Fried Steak). The next morning, you get to have cold Chicken Fried Steak for breakfast, which is the only possible way to improve on Chicken Fried Steak. Yum yum!

Nothing says “Big Ol’ Meat Eater” like eating an animal whole. Chicken is the easiest critter to quarter up and dig into, and Sonoma Chicken Coop (not Co-Op as Guidespot seems to believe) is one of the best places to get yourself some roast chicken. Picking meat directly off the carcass is hard to beat. They also serve margaritas from a soft serve machine, which ups their awesomeness quotient by a million.