Pathetic Marriage Proposals

Ring In Champagne Glass

When I worked in fine dining last year, I actually stood in horror and watched a man do this. Not only was the ring delivered to his future wife by some server named Roberto that she had never met before, but her man didn’t even verbally propose, much less kneel. The woman just squinted into the glass, squealing, “What’s that?!” and her thoughtful prince responded by folding his hands behind his head and nodding with a yep-I’m-awesome grin.

The Phone Proposal

My dad proposed to my mom over the phone back in the day. True this was in the 70s, when it cost a lot more to make a cross-country call, but still, there’s probably no greater anticlimax than this. A messenger pigeon, Morse code, a telegram…even a fax could have been a little bit better, but a phone call proposal shows no creativity whatsoever. Way to go, Dad!

Twitter Marriage Proposal

Really? Really? You’re asking me to marry you over Twitter? Yeah, probably not gonna get the answer you’re looking for. But he did! How ridiculous.

The Rainbow Room

With a history of working in fancy restaurants, I’ve seen my fair share of cliché proposals. This is why I hereby decree that all marriage proposals involving a restaurant suck. This includes hiding the ring under a silver platter dome (predictable), spelling it on a cake (cowardly), hiding the ring in a soufflé (choking hazard), or even asking her on a carriage ride after going to a restaurant (smells like horse poop). The resounding problem with restaurant proposals is merely that your touching moment will be watched and judged by a bunch of disenchanted service industry workers, some of whom probably cleaned off your water glass with their own spit. Trust me – steer clear!

RULE: If You Can Google It, It's A Bad Idea

Heather & Ed's Engagment

Check out this amazing wedding proposal that took place at Disney World. It couldn’t get any more perfect. The couple even brought their iPods so they could listen to Disney songs all weekend.

Glamour Shots FTW

I used this exact idea. I was turned down 11 times before finally getting a “Yes!”
Jabba and I have been happy ever since.