Love In New York City

Romantic Love

This is the stuff a million When Harry Met Sallys are born on. You know the story: she’s perfect, you’re a schmuck, chemistry is clicking, hearts are racing, and then… you never see her again after about a month of intense, unending obsession. That’s usually because, for all of its romance, romantic love is in fact “romantic.” More accurately meaning given to fantasy or an obscene amount of unreality. We all have these experiences – roughly 10 to 30 in a standard lifetime. It sucks to let it go, but you have to, it’s for the best. Otherwise, your attraction turns into another familiar euphemism: “stalking.”

One-Night Stand Love

Call it what you will: “Screw and Run,” “The Shaft,” “NSA,” “The East Village Rimbo,” whatever. One-nighters pretty much make the world-go-‘round for most twentysomethings in this city. The basic principle behind One-Night Stand Love is simple: “You will sleep with this person and have no intention of ever seeing them again.” It’s a fair transaction of goods and services – like buying cigarettes, except with sex.

Professional Love

The old saying “Don’t Dip Your Pen In The Company Ink” is completely out of place in this situation. The romance that is born in the office can usually go two ways: it can work out beautifully or end terribly. Some argue that meeting “your better half” through work is ideal, because you get to see the person at his best and worst. Others simply say that it’s a great way to live out that weird fantasy you have involving Powerpoint and four boxes of pens. One way or the other, tread lightly – it’s always a gamble.

Old-School Love

Another point that puts our grandparents in “The Great Generation”: their relationships. The kind of love and caring older citizens embody seems lost on us younger go-getters. Of course, we didn’t grow-up during wartime, in the wake of a national disaster, and when the economy was struggling to stay alive… um, never mind. Anyway, the point is this: maybe it’s a difference in values and expectations, but older New York couples have known how to stay together for decades. Ask any of them and they’ll tell you: it’s not about just romance, rather dependability and respect. Maybe that’s why Paris Hilton can’t find a good man.

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Puppy Love

Ah, to be young and stupid again. Not to be confused with “Romantic Love,” “Puppy Love” is something you can only experience once, i.e. as a teenager. It’s very easy to see spending the rest of your life with your high school sweetheart, summer crush, gratification fantasy, etc. But we all know where these relationships usually end. It’s never meant to last, but the memories will always be with you. Just hold onto those, and try to ignore the awkward motions that led up to them.

Real Love

So, what is “real love” in New York. My answer: “Nothing you really can expect it to be.” I don’t think you really fall in love with anyone until you’re in your thirties anymore. It just doesn’t make sense to me that anyone knows about anything until then. Often there needs to be something real underneath and that means an actual friendship. I’m not surprisef that there are so many divorces and burn-outs nowadays – or that there are as many unhappy couples.  “The Real Thing” seems to only come from two people who know one another and don’t have to make any excuses. Simply enough: respect, caring, and loving. That, and a decent-sized apartment.