While USC has the current edge in football, UCLA’s record 11 NCAA championships (7 in a row) in men’s basketball elevates it to a higher plane. Recently, UCLA’s new coach Ben Howland has brought back some of the school’s former glory in three Final Four appearances in a row, and more importantly brings some class back to the basketball coaching staff. Look at Steve Lavin’s hair, it’s like it’s perpetually greasy. I don’t care who you are, if you have hair like that, I won’t trust a word that’s coming out of your mouth.

My father used to be business partners with Steve Garvey, and so for several years we were given the royal treatment at Dodger Stadium. After he left the team, we were still accorded special privileges like discounted tickets and preferential treatment. To this day, my father knows nothing of “uncle Steve’s” several extramarital affairs and children born out of wedlock and only remembers the good times when we would go to the stadium on someone else’s buck. When I asked who he was on the field, my father would invariably answer, “How the hell should I know? You going to finish that hot dog?” Like father like son.

As a dedicated Dodgers fan, I nevertheless attended several Angels game when one of my close friends was employed at the stadium. He ain’t Steve Garvey, but free ribs, hot dogs and Carl’s JR. plus all-you-can-drink beer makes it hard to maintain any sense of loyalty to my boys in blue. Didn’t I go over this being a mug’s game?

Given the huge success that USC football has had over the past half dozen years, I think many LA residents don’t lament the fact that we have no NFL presence in our fine city. Unfortunately for me, most of those residents aren’t UCLA alumni. I will give credit to head coach Pete Carroll as he is a true class act, but inter-school rivalries much like conflicts between street gangs usually do not stem from factual evidence. Unbridled emotions garnered through cheap pandering and groupthink mentality? Totally different story.

I’ve never been to an Arena football game, but I’ve been told by many attendees that they are extremely exciting. And although I am a bit put off by the abject lack of defense and second rate talent in the Arena Football League, my strong sense of chauvinistic pride regarding Los Angeles sports teams wins out in the end. GO AVENGERS!

Los Angeles has no shortage of rabid Kobe Bryant fans that wave MVP flags at every game and continually talk about his greatness. I am not one of those people. With the Lakers 6-0 in this year’s playoffs, many are getting back on the bandwagon. However, I remember the dark days of our organization and being the only fan in my group of friends when our lineup consisted of Sedale Threatt, Anthony Peeler and Sam “Big Smooth” Perkins. Which goes to prove another one of life’s bitter lessons that blind loyalty is a mug’s game.

The perpetual bane of Los Angeles sporting teams, The Clippers have this uncanny knack of signing decent players and having them underperform greatly as soon as they’re in uniform. God bless Elton Brand for deciding to stick with this sorry franchise, even though he’s an All-Star caliber player. About the only good thing the Clippers have going for them is their five packs of games against high quality teams for about half the price of their more successful Laker counterparts. That and they provide great comic relief for noted comedian Billy Crystal.