Great Last Minute Gifts

Christmas Condoms

Cuz nothing say “I Love You” this Christmas like safe sex.

Gum

I was on my way over, stopped at a 7-11, realized it was Christmas, and… well… Merry Christmas!

Coupons for...whatever

Remember as a kid, when you had no money to speak of? But needed a gift for your mom or dad? And drafted up those useless coupons that they could redeem for things like “Taking out the garbage” or “Washing the dishes” (which, by the way, were things you should have been doing anyway?)

Well, fast forward 20 years. You now have a computer (so said coupons won’t look so…primitive), and still are broke. But now, you actually have something to offer of value. Who WOULDN’T want to take you up on two hours of free babysitting? Or your mad blog-header-making-skillz? Or dog walking for a week? Yeah, time is money, people. And, these days, might just be the best gift yet.

A Mixtape

Sure, iTunes has the occasional $5.99 deal on JT’s first album, but that’s still spending money. Instead, why not mix it up – literally – with a special tape (or C.D.) of songs that express the words you can ever barely say. In that case, let Phil Collins do the talking.

Need some extra music bolstering for your playlist? But need to save money? Hey man, never forget the power of Facebook statuses and Twitter!

Homemade Breakfast

Nothing says “I care.” like a meal from the heart. Even if your kitchen is kind of thin on ingredients, you can still make something work. Take for example my place: a box of Goldfish crackers, half a bottle of Jameson, and some granola bars. Did somebody say “Matt Fried’s cheddar cheese granola whiskey treats”? Just use some butter to make it stick, and you’re good to go!

Hanukkah Socks

They keep you feet warm during those extra long pre-adolescent games of “Spin The Dreidel”.

Beer

Happy Holidays! Get drunk on me.

GAS STATION SNACK GIFT BASKET

I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t SERIOUSLY enjoy a bunch of Twinkies, beef jerky, cheeto puffs, travel size Advil, and Corn Nuts.