Kokoro's guide to being snooty and a total tool in Los Angeles

by kokoro011
-
June 07, 2008

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Everything you wanted to know to be one of those Hollywood types.

Talk loudly and incessantly on your cell phone in public

Because you’re that important and special that you can totally zone out people in real life for shallow and catty conversations about who’s boning who. Double kudos if you happen to be one of those people that talk on the phone while interacting with cashiers in line and can’t be bothered to hang up for 15 seconds.

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Dress the part

All black, especially black turtleneck with gold chain over the shirt is always a good look, but in the end, you just want to have the sartorial equivalent of screaming “LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!” on and you’re gonna do fine in this town.

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Tell people you're in the entertainment field.

Even if you make a living running food at Dinah’s Chicken Shack, it’s tres chic to respond to the ever-present “What do you do?” questions with some sort of entertainment industry cliche. “Oh, I do a little acting, a little screenwriting… but my dream is to own a flock of seagulls, like Bugsy Seagle.”

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Drive a flashy car

Even though the lease payments on your car costs double the monthly rent on your shitty Koreatown apartment, it’s pretty much a necessity to drive the flashiest, most expensive car that your already strained credit will allow. Besides, people see you out on the road, but you don’t have to invite them to your house.

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