Kitchen Mishaps, Fires, Explosions, Catastrophes

by aliciak
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May 15, 2009
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Being a certified domestic goddess does not make one exempt from the occasional mishap. As someone who tends to lack common sense (I messed up the penny-counting machine at the bank...twice in a row), I am prone to stupid kitchen mistakes. Fires? Thrice over. Forgetting ingredients? Yep. Dropping things on the floor but still using them? You betcha. Some are more catastrophic than others. Perhaps you're no stranger to culinary chaos?

It began as an adorably cute, handmade hand warmer

I trust Martha Stewart. I know she spent time in the slammer, but when it comes to cooking and crafts (and not stocks), I trust here completely. When she says to sew up a little hand warmer with pie weights inside and throw it in the microwave for FIVE minutes, I do it.

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Use a Spoon Rest!

I was making scrambled eggs, and the spoon rest was in the dishwasher. I didn’t want to get the stove top all covered with scrambled egg juice, so I stuck the dirty spatula on a paper towel. This seemed like a good idea. Until the paper towel caught on fire.

added by Elijay 05/15/2009

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It ended up as a pile of charred-ness in a microwave fire

Me: Can you go check on the handwarmer?
Him: Um, it’s on fire.
Me: Hahahaha. No it isn’t.
Him: Um, yes it is. It’s on fire!
Me: Hahahahaha. Wait, really?

I laughed, he got out the fire extinguisher. I got sad, not at the thought of burning the apartment building down, but because my dainty handwarmer with embroidered heart DIED only hours after being born. A little piece of MY heart died with it. I cried for that handwarmer. CRIED.

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Sometimes I forget ingredients

I live in my own little head of books, poetry, smiling crochet creatures, dream-like frolics in enchanted forests. Which means, I can be a space cadet. Not exactly the quality you want in a cook, but I like to think it keeps me on my toes and adds to my creativity! I have forgotten:

the sugar in a berry pie recipe. Man it was tart!
the oil from a salad dressing recipe. Sort of necessary!
many more that I have blocked out for the purpose of being able to honestly say, “Yes, I am a superb cook and baker. Superb.”

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Burnt toast

This is by far my biggest problem. And here’s why: I’m too lazy to get out the toaster, and I end up throwing the bread under the broiler in the oven. And because I, too, am lost in a world of party dresses and flowers and butterfly kisses and Terry Francona, by the time I “remember” to take it out, it’s charred and black.

added by mswen 10/27/2008

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: by mswen 10/27/2008 Reply

“I live in my own little head of books, poetry, smiling crochet creatures, dream-like frolics in enchanted forests. Which means, I can be a space cadet.” Um, are you me?

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About The Author

aliciak

Tribeca

I like to: crochet, eat, read, write, go to museums, watch old movies, cook, bake, observe children, visit the library, travel, cut my own hair, explore New York, mix gin drinks, bike ride, take photographs, keep in touch with people, be crafty, swim in the ocean, make bets, and read blogs and ca...