I'm not a PLAYA I just crush a lot- in New York City

FIRST, YOU MUST DECIDE!

The hardest part is DECIDING when you want to “dive back into the pool” so to speak. The dating pool. If you’ve just come off of a relationship that decision can be a tough one; you’re too wounded, you’re still not over the other person, you have “trust issues”….whatever, that book is endless. So, making the decision is the MOST important factor. Once you DECIDE to start, don’t do it half-assed, start saying YES, don’t completely lower your standards but….start SOMEWHERE.

Things to consider:
He’s not going to be “him” whoever your last “him” was, he’ll be different and different is GOOD.

STOP COMPARING. He doesn’t twirl his pasta the same way your old one did, so what!

You don’t know him yet, so don’t stress over trying to figure out what to wear, what he’ll like, etc. etc. You can’t guess for him.

WATCH FOR THE EMOTIONS

EASSSSSSYYYYYY on the butterflies.

Once you start to feel butterflies, you’re EFFED. You have now lost all of your player status and you’ve gotten all chick-y, which means you no longer have ANY cards in your hands……NOW, if you’re in this JUST for dating, this means you need to stop immediately and put your game face back on. If you’re in this for a relationship…..don’t come crying to me when you get your heart broken.

And no, I’m not cynical.

SCHEDULING......YOU MUST. BE. ORGANIZED.

This is a task that does not come by easily for me, at all. Organization is hell. When you decide you want to start dating, SERIOUSLY, you’re going to need to be organized.

These days most people have Blackberries that have everything down to their next gyno appointment scheduled, but when it comes to dating- I use a pen, and write it down. The real archaic way. This way I remember taking the time to write down the info and it sticks in my head better. It works.

When you start filling up the book you’ll see that had you not written down even the smallest half and hour coffee you’re having with “what’s his face” you would’ve forgotten, thus losing out on a potential second date and name to add to the little black book.

TIP:

Never say “yes” RIGHT AWAY. Maybe is better. Yes can be a bit too eager, plus you don’t want to overbook. Even a response like “yeah that might be fun” or “sure, i’ll give you a call” or…..basically, anything indirect. It’s irritating to the asker but PERFECT for you to decide if you’d ACTUALLY like to go on a date with this person.

PIMPS PLAY IT COOL

Don’t pull out any of your strange tricks that would be featured on David Lettermen….quirky does not equal PIMP, quirky equals; single with five cats for the rest of your life, and congrats it’s be so long you could be considered a virgin again.

STAY AWAY FROM:

Giving too much information
Talking about your parents
Talking about any type of doctors appointments
Singing the anything from Pinky and The Brain

My pimping counterpart:

Pick a a FUN date spot

The first date holds a lot of stress, so the best thing is to pick something that won’t be too serious but also won’t be too out there, like painting each others bodies with loving affirmations- or something. Don’t do that.

If he’s never had sushi, and he’s interested- suggest  a spot where you can both make faces and try strange things that taste like rubber….one of you may end up gagging but it sure will break the ice.

Comedy shows, restaraunts that aren’t too loud, ethnic food, ANYTHING that takes you both out of your element a little so that you have to be present and comfortable with each other right away is PERFECT for breaking the ice.

A GIRL HAS NEEDS.......

But that doesn’t mean being a trash bag either.

A woman can get “hers” just as well without being overtly slut-tastic while doing it. Your slut-tasticness can be downplayed with a dash of coyness, class, and innuendo. Please don’t go biting the earlobe of whatever poor man you decide to bait.

TIP: Know one when you SEE one

YOU MUST KNOW YOUR OWN KIND. If you are a lady playing the field you MUST be able to spot your counter in another.

• If his games are all too familiar, don’t be shocked when he doesn’t play along with yours. He’s a seasoned “player.”
• If his Myspace is full of only women commenters, you’ve got a live one on your hands.
• If he has a hard time answering questions directly and setting plans in stone, he isn’t new to this “dating rodeo.”
• Be wary when you start to get all emotional and neurotic, that means he’s winning. You may want to take a seat on the bench for a minute.

DON'T OBSESS!!!!

Pimps do not obsess. Women do, pimps don’t. Pimp-Women, definitely do NOT.

If you had a bad date, so what. If you don’t hear from one again, so what- you baited HIM to begin with, let it go and move on.

When in doubt:

If someone asks just say, “I’m not a playa, I just crush a lot.”