If you've ever worked at a coffee shop
by Coffee Slut - July 29, 2008
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If you've ever worked at a coffee shop and served coffee to customers you should read this guide on how to deal with annoying people. IT'S JUST COFFEE! Yes, we need this beautiful magic liquid to keep us addicts up and running, but there is no need to treat this like a doctor's office. I am a coffee snob and I believe in 'good' coffee. However, there must be a line drawn between "I need a fresh cup" and "You are a horrible person, remake this now!" I currently work at Starbucks in New York but I've had my fair share in many places. In this guide I will classify the typical customers that venture into coffee shops to order a latte or a simple coffee. If you don't work at a coffee shop, please read carefully. You may be one of these people.
It's just coffee
Is it just coffee to these people? I beg to differ. They want coffee, an argument, and a back rub. I certainly do not get paid enough to do all three. Not all of these people put up an argument, but they certainly make my job difficult.
The Money Thrower
These people may have the dough, but don’t throw it at me! So he orders an Americano and I say, “$2.55” and extend my hand for payment. He counts his money and scrambles the exact change. Great, I think, exact change! As I stand with my palm open to receive his change, he tosses it on the counter directly beside my hand. Could he not have just placed the money into my extended hand? It would have made all of our lives easier. Now, however, I must scrape all of it from the counter when you could have just given it to me.
The Nothing Latte
Yes, I’d like a “Smallest size you’ve got decaf, sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, no foam latte.” Already skinny women always order these. What is in that? No caffeine, no sugar, and water milk. Ok, so maybe I’m being a snob but give me a break. You might as well order a cup of water with a packet of sween ’n low.
The Whisperer
This coffee whisperer does not quite work to my advantage as say, a horse whisperer would for a one who trains horses. The coffee whisperer does quite the opposite. She whispers, “sdghaslgha;f” Huh? As they whisper their desired drink, they look down or around at something they are obviously interested in, possibly more important than their drink. I ask them again what they’d like until I must lean in so close to them that my body is now placed on top of the counter.
Speak up please!
Rich Bitch
I think the name pretty much sums this one up.
She never looks at you when ordering and if her drink doesn’t taste correct, for whatever reason, she wants a refund.
How You Can Deal With These People (I mean it's what I do)
1. Throw money back at them.
2. Yell really loudly, “I can’t hear you!”
3. If the customer begins to point, give them the wrong pastry and say, “I don’t speak sign language.”
4. If they are on their cell phone, blackberry, or bluetooth, ignore them and they’ll go away.
5. When a customer begins to complain about something out of your control, (example might be the air conditioner broken or someone taking a dump in the bathroom), put your fingers in your ears and say, “lalalalalalalalalala.”
6. One day just make the ‘skinny’ latte with 5 shots of espresso, real syrup, and whole milk.
7. When the complaining customer asks how many calories are in the coffee cake smile and say, “Oh this one is the best! Only 25, can you believe it?”
8. You can always spit in their drink. Ok, maybe thats going too far.
9. Pretend you have a hearing aid and turn it up.
10. If all else fails just smile, nod, and do exactly what they say. I guess the customer is always right… so they say. Whoever they are.
This is all from my experience, truly works, ok
The Cheap Ass
He uses the same cup in for a refill that he’s been using for the past 2 months, asks for a medium drip in a large cup, or orders a doppio and uses the milk from the condiment bar to fill up his cup to make a cold latte. I am all about cutting corners to save money, but ya gotta draw the line somewhere.
Cheap ass orders a drink, and once it’s made he will request extra shots, then schmoozes his way into getting them for free. Next, he asks to sample the pastries because he just can’t decide which one he wants. Says he ‘forgot’ his wallet at his office. He will bring in a Starbucks coupon that has been photo copied and says that it was mailed to him (even though Starbucks would never do that). Coffee isn’t the only thing he’s cheap with, this applies to every aspect of his life.
Bluetooth, Blackberry Users
This person approaches the counter and carries on a conversation with themselves. During a morning rush “Hello, what can I get for you today?” I ask ready for their request. They do not hear me and there is a line out the door. Still, he continues to discuss something about papers, details, and… oh now he wants a latte.
Please, if you have a bluetooth take it off and quit looking ridiculous, or turn it off when ordering coffee.
Once he has placed his order, he realizes that he said the wrong drink order. “No, no I want it decaf and iced!” This is of course AFTER you’ve already made the drink and its waiting for him on the counter. Then he has the nerve to carry on his conversation and ask for an extra shot. Wow.
Starbucks
330 5th Avenue 2, New York, NY 10001
Any one of these will do in Midtown
Any one of these will do in Midtown
The Complainer
Everything you do for these people is never enough. “I want, I want, I want, give, give, give!”
It could be that they work very hard at their jobs and they need someone to wait on them. I actually had a guy ask me if I could wipe the milk off his chin. What?! Another one wanted no foam on his latte (understandable) and I took it off. “There is still foam there.” He replied after I handed it to him. So I “scooped” it off. Still, he complained about his foam. I remade him another. Now, he wanted it for free. Not only that, but he said the cafe smelled and we were a horrible staff.
The Pointers
These people are more than likely tourists. Let me set the scenario. A group of people walk into the cafe jabbering in their native language. They then proceed to the counter and all stare into the pastry case with excited eyes. One points at the case and says, “I want!” Another one points to the coffee board and says,“Cappuccino eh small.” Ok, that was ok. Then they all want pastries and I can’t quite see what they’re pointing at. So I walk out from behind the counter to see and after 20 minutes of pointing and sign language, I retrieve their order.
Asia Tui-Na Wholeness Inc
37 E 28th Street 800, New York, NY 10016
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Great guide! Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I don’t drink coffee, but one thing I have found that works with annoying people is if you pretend you can’t read.
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I’m not going to lie, I’ve been all of those things at one point.
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Haha! Great guide.
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