Let's Talk Money Making Schemes

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Everyone dreams of being filthy, stinking rich one day-- unless you're a nun or some kind of Buddhist monk. So assuming you haven't taken a vow of poverty, how would you make your millions?

Start a Ponzi Scheme!

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Sure, the feds may catch on and put your mug on America’s Most Wanted (is that show even still on?) And sure you might end up spending 150+ years in prison. But at least you’ll be able to fill up a bathtub with hundred bills before they come to take you away.

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by ethwiny  05/07/2009

I LOVE Ponzi Schemes! Not being involved, of course, just hearing about them.

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by elijay  05/07/2009

I know! They’re sort of fascinating!

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by elijay  05/08/2009

Ha! And who better than the United States government to implement the biggest con of them all…

Charles Ponzi

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The O.G. Bernie Madoff.

Start a Talk Show

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Oprah worked her way up from local radio to larger-than-life TV talk show stardom. Start your own talk show, and who knows, maybe you too may one day be richer and more popular than God.

Oprah, Obamas. Obamas, Oprah.

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Become a talk show host and you too might have the president in the palm of her hand. I mean, you too might be BFF with the president.

Sell Cutco Knives

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At least when this blows up in your face you’ll have something to defend yourself with!

added by JayFerris 05/07/2009
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by elijay  05/07/2009

This made me laugh out loud.

Gamble!

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Ok, so this is probably the riskiest of money making schemes, but it also requires the least amount of work, seeing that you could win big with just a few card games or a few slot machine pulls. And who wants to work hard to make lots of money? That’s what I thought.

She's a Winner

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You might see an old lady in this picture, but do you know what I see? A winner. Yes, that’s right, a winner.

Get a briefcase

It seems like having a briefcase can increase your chances of making a lot of money. I saw it on TV. But since I’m not really one for having jobs, I’m hoping Safety Cone can take the reigns on this one. Someone will just start throwing money at us, right?

added by aliciak 06/13/2009
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by elijay  06/13/2009

Aww…Safety Cone looks so professional!

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by aliciak  06/15/2009

Key word is “looks.” He was probably upside down in a wine bottle 5 minutes later.

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by elijay  06/15/2009

Safety Cone, you’re such a lush.

 

Turn Yourself into a Brand

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A former Wall Street exec who liked to cook and entertain, Martha turned her hobby into a multimillion dollar career. What started as a catering business turned into a magazine; talk show; lines for Sears, Kmart and Macys; and a cameo on Ugly Betty. Sure, she spent some time in prison, but who really remembers that now?

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by shawna  05/08/2009

They totally just went after Martha because she is a successful business woman – why don’t they put some real criminals in jail

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by elijay  05/08/2009

It’s so true! Some people (umm, men) just don’t want to see a woman rake in the big bucks!

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by elijay  05/13/2009

Do it! You too can have your own brand of sheets!

Martha Goes to Prison

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Much like an interior paint line, a short prison stay might be a good business strategy to experiment with.

Win the Lottery!

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Probably the most elusive of money making schemes, winning the lotto is a fine art. But it turns out keeping your money might actually be harder than winning it! Just remember, no, means no.

Start the Next Myspace, Facebook, Skype, Twitter...

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Despite the whole dot com collapse of the early ‘00s, tons, and I mean tons, of money can still be made on the internet— so much in fact it’s being hailed as the next dot com bubble. But here’s the catch. After making your new awesome site/search engine/social networking what have you, you’ve gotta sell it to the likes of Google, eBay or Rupert Murdoch.

And Now for the Eternal Question...

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How will Twitter Make Money?"

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by alexis  05/27/2009

well, it looks like TV land wants to make a reality TV show about twitter http://www.nydailynews.com/tech_…

And If That Doesn't Work...

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Set up a profile on seekingarrangement.com.

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Discussions

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I’m starting a ponzi scheme. Totally.

About The Author

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elijay Rss 

The SFV, Los Angeles
Likes: sweet pickles, English Bulldog puppies, jukeboxes, bicycles, and wheat beer. Dislikes: traffic jams, people who talk during yoga classes, murky swimming pools, excessively sweet frosting, and surly librarians.

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