Let's Talk Money Making Schemes
Everyone dreams of being filthy, stinking rich one day-- unless you're a nun or some kind of Buddhist monk. So assuming you haven't taken a vow of poverty, how would you make your millions?
Start a Ponzi Scheme!
Sure, the feds may catch on and put your mug on America’s Most Wanted (is that show even still on?) And sure you might end up spending 150+ years in prison. But at least you’ll be able to fill up a bathtub with hundred bills before they come to take you away.
Charles Ponzi
The O.G. Bernie Madoff.
Start a Talk Show
Oprah worked her way up from local radio to larger-than-life TV talk show stardom. Start your own talk show, and who knows, maybe you too may one day be richer and more popular than God.
Oprah, Obamas. Obamas, Oprah.
Become a talk show host and you too might have the president in the palm of her hand. I mean, you too might be BFF with the president.
Sell Cutco Knives
At least when this blows up in your face you’ll have something to defend yourself with!
Gamble!
Ok, so this is probably the riskiest of money making schemes, but it also requires the least amount of work, seeing that you could win big with just a few card games or a few slot machine pulls. And who wants to work hard to make lots of money? That’s what I thought.
She's a Winner
You might see an old lady in this picture, but do you know what I see? A winner. Yes, that’s right, a winner.
Get a briefcase
It seems like having a briefcase can increase your chances of making a lot of money. I saw it on TV. But since I’m not really one for having jobs, I’m hoping Safety Cone can take the reigns on this one. Someone will just start throwing money at us, right?
Turn Yourself into a Brand
A former Wall Street exec who liked to cook and entertain, Martha turned her hobby into a multimillion dollar career. What started as a catering business turned into a magazine; talk show; lines for Sears, Kmart and Macys; and a cameo on Ugly Betty. Sure, she spent some time in prison, but who really remembers that now?
Martha Goes to Prison
Much like an interior paint line, a short prison stay might be a good business strategy to experiment with.
Win the Lottery!
Probably the most elusive of money making schemes, winning the lotto is a fine art. But it turns out keeping your money might actually be harder than winning it! Just remember, no, means no.
Start the Next Myspace, Facebook, Skype, Twitter...
Despite the whole dot com collapse of the early ‘00s, tons, and I mean tons, of money can still be made on the internet— so much in fact it’s being hailed as the next dot com bubble. But here’s the catch. After making your new awesome site/search engine/social networking what have you, you’ve gotta sell it to the likes of Google, eBay or Rupert Murdoch.
And Now for the Eternal Question...
How will Twitter Make Money?"
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About The Author
The SFV, Los Angeles
Likes: sweet pickles, English Bulldog puppies, jukeboxes, bicycles, and wheat beer.
Dislikes: traffic jams, people who talk during yoga classes, murky swimming pools, excessively sweet frosting, and surly librarians.
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