How to stop the college you attended from asking you for donations.

by MidtownSurprise - January 13, 2009

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4 discussions

I figured out the way to stop my college from calling me every year to ask for donations. It worked for me, it can work for you too! (Well it almost worked for me)

S U Foundation

Shippensburg, PA 17257

The epicenter of the donation calls. Know your opponent. Mine was 18-20 year old kids who were working as call reps for 7 dollars an hour. All they want is some beer money.

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The moment is nigh

One might think that just letting them call and call again night after night would get them to stop calling after awhile, well it doesn’t. They want your money, and they will keep dialing until they get it.

Have a friend near for the last step, one who can keep calm and doesn’t laugh at any little thing. Figure out the time they usually call, and have the friend at hand.

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Time to answer that phone

Okay, have your friend answer the phone . . . but in a quite, sad voice. The donation expert will ask if Mr. Midtown is home, this is where your friend gets their acting points.
Friend: “Umm . . . no . . . uh. . . he died about 3 weeks ago.”
Donation hotline: “Oh my . . . I am so sorry.”
Friend: “Its okay, he died doing what he loved.”
Donation hotline: (this could go 2 ways depending on the caller, but they will most likely get off the phone at this point and never call you again.) “How did he die?” Or “I am so sorry. ”“> Tell the family that if they would like to make a donation in his name, we will accept it.”

During my donation relief call my friend and I were moving me to a new apartment, so he already sounded worn down and sad. If you are using a happy, always on the bright side friend as your call interceptor, try pointing out all the flaws in their life right before you get the donation call.

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Once your dead . . . only your mom can bring you back to life

I didn’t think of the repercussions. I didn’t think they would care besides they have one less person to call for donations, but they did care.

Later that week I got a phone call from my mom.

Mom: “Midtown . . . why does SU think you are dead.”
Midtown: “Because I told them I was.”
Mom: " They sent a letter here stating they are going to put it in the college newsletter as deceased."
Midtown: “Awesome! Talk to you later.”

Well the Mom just sent the letter back telling them I wasn’t dead. And now I get those phone calls again, but from my mistakes you can succeed!

The power is yours!

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Discussions

: by Elissa 01/15/2009 Reply

This is genius! I thought of telling my high school newsletter committee that I was slated to go on a NASA space mission or something, but this has turned my whole world upside-down.

: by ElGuapo 01/15/2009 Reply

Wow, great job! I’m going to try this with the D triple C. Those assholes never stop calling me

: by Shawna 01/14/2009 Reply

Wow – the last time they called me I told them I had given all my donation money away for the year. My school is a conservative, religious school so when I told them it went to Obama they got off the phone after all Ken Star works there.

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About The Author

MidtownSurprise

Midtown, Harrisburg

Lost in a sea of mindless geniuses I swam to the shore and some how made my way to the valley of eggplants. Being the most beautiful site I've ever seen, I stayed with the eggplants and they have filled me with their lovely parmesan. -Down with the corporate baby factories and up with hope ...