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15 Ways to Ruin Valentine's Day
- by elijay
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- February 16, 2009
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Ok, so most likely you want to have a good time with your special someone on Valentine's Day (unless you're a total jerk and you're planning on breaking up with your S.O. on V-day, which in that case you might want to continue reading anyway). So, here are few things NOT to do on Valentine's Day, unless you'd rather be making elaborate pancake breakfasts for yourself in the not-so-distant future.
Say Your Ex's Name
…in bed. And I guarantee that soon your bed will look like this: empty.
Forget to Make a Dinner Reservation
Unless you’re cooking dinner for your sweetie at home (we’ll get to that in a minute), then you’re probably planning on going out for dinner. But let’s not forget that ten million other people probably have the same idea as you do, so you might want to make reservation ahead of time. Nothing says angry like having to wait two hours for dinner or even worse, ending up at the local kid-friendly diner.
Forget to Buy a Present
Since money is tight for people nowadays, I definitely don’t advocate buying your honey that HD TV they’ve been eyeing. However, you should get them a little something (preferably something that won’t wilt or melt.)
Burn Dinner
Making dinner for your lover can be a very sweet gesture, but all the sweetness turns to bitterness if you burn dinner. So for heaven’s sake keep an eye on the oven, unless your S.O. happens to find Papa John’s romantic.
Don't Bring Flowers
This one is probably more for the guys than the gals (though I’m sure some guys out there might like to receive a bunch of flowers): It’s usually customary to give flowers on V-Day. So if you know what kind of flowers your honey digs, then that makes the task pretty easy. Otherwise, it’s a little more complicated. You’re usually safe with roses, and you might want to avoid carnations or lilies— unless you want her to feel like your mother.
Talk About Valentine's Days Past
So if this your first V-day with your new sweetheart, then it’s probably best not to mention past Valentine’s with ex-lovers. No one wants to hear about how your ex surprised you with a romantic trip to Paris.
Eat Too Much For Dinner
Nothing’s less sexy than overeating and a) having a bloated stomach and b) having indigestion and/or gas and then c) falling into a food coma. Ergo, you might want to avoid anything having to do with buffets.
Forget to Give Compliments
When you see your love bug on Valentine’s Day, ignore the fact that they have bags under the eyes or that they’re nose is running from the cold air, and tell them they look great. Because if you don’t there will probably be some hell to pay later.
Fail To Write A Good Card
In certain cases a touching card just might be enough for your Valentine (more often that not however a card is NOT enough, so you better have a back-up plan— i.e. a new iPod Nano in your pocket— just in case). But if you do go the “just the card” route, make sure it’s good one— if you’re planning on penning a few dirty limericks and calling it a day, you might want to set up a Match.com account now.
Say "I Love You" Via Sugar
So remember that episode of “Sex and the City” where Miranda’s BF says “I Love You” for the first time on a cookie? Well, don’t do that. If you’re going to buck up and finally say it, don’t say it with confectionery.
Show Up Late
Let’s say due to special circumstances (i.e. your day job), you have to meet your Valentine at the restaurant (or wherever else you happen to be celebrating). Try, try, try not to be late— nothing says scorn like someone who’s gorged themselves on Merlot and bar nuts while waiting for the likes of you.
Call/Email/Text During the Evening
Nothing says I’m a bitch/douchebag like Blackberrying during dinner or even worse— checking your messages while you’re getting it on. So resist the urge, or better yet turn the stupid thing off— unless you want to wake up alone on February 15.
Eat a Few Cloves of Garlic
If you and your special lady/man friend both decide to spring for the garlic chicken at dinner, then great, neither of you will realize how much the other one reeks. However, if garlic consumption for the evening is one-sided, then don’t surprised if you miss out on a goodnight kiss and/or a goodnight something-something.
Fail to Clean Up
Ok, this applies to pretty much everyone else there (single and not), so listen up. If you’re planning on bringing someone home to your place on February 14 (whether it’s your honey of six years or the bartender you met at 10:30pm) you better make sure it’s clean. Nothing turns someone off like squalor. Come to think of it, wasn’t there an episode of “Friends” about that?
Fall Asleep Early
Even if you work hard for the money, try not to konk out at 9:25pm on Valentine’s Day. Chances are your S.O. has something planned after dinner (and I’m not talking about dessert), and you don’t want to look in a gift horse in the mouth, right? Somehow that seems like the wrong kind of analogy to use here… but anyway, just drink a freaking cup of coffee.
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Valentine's Day in New York City
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Last year I got sick with a bad cold and fever, but I still made hot chocolate and heart sugar cookies for my loved one and myself. Sniffle sniffle sneeze cough, it was still fun!
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