How to Know When the World Will End

by twocantango
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May 28, 2010
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With the many movies like 2012 and Knowing, I figured I could make a spiffy guide about the things when you will actually know you're toast. I like toast. These signs will let you realize when the world is going insane and we should just call up year 2012 to hurry the mother up.

Cosplay for Children...on a Daily Basis

This is almost as bad as prosti-tots. Those are the children in the mall who get to dress up like mini trollops with excessive make-up, hair extensions, tube tops, etc.

Now, they’ve got a better idea! Let’s dress up kids like anime characters! If you see a Sailor Moon baby or a miniature Goku walking around, you should run. Run quickly.

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Everyone strives to achieve Lady Gaga's fashion style

Rah rah ah ah ah, roma roma ah, Gaga ooh la la, want your bad romance

Lady Gaga can be as crazy as she chooses, but I will start praying each time I see someone wearing something that replicates her style. It’s not a style. Most of the time, there isn’t enough clothing to be called an outfit. Sure, she can express herself, but she is a role model to a lot of girls who will now refuse to wear pants.

I bet she uses stumble and uses the first thing she sees (bubbles, little red riding hood) and makes it cover at least two womanly parts of her body…or one manly…I’m not sure so I’ll let it go.

She will also be on Launch My Line, a fashion t.v. show on Bravo. Children will have nightmares. And I as well.

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When John Williams dies

Seriously, this man is a legend. LEGEND. That was for emphasis on his legendary…ness.

Anyway, we can’t keep trying to pop out baby virtuosos like Haydn, Bach, Liszt, Chopin, and Brahms. Someday, will be inspired by Britney Spears just as much as Beethoven would. Oh, the horror!

Thus, it is my proposal that shall save us all from corruption! If someone could make a Cryo-Freezer for John Williams, I, as well as the rest of the human race, would greatly appreciate it. This is Nobel Peace worthy.

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Someone other than Morgan Freeman plays God

Dear Morgan Freeman (aka God),

You pretty much play the best God ever. If I watch a movie and it’s somewhat religious, I wait for you to jump out on screen either wearing some snazzy zoot suit or mopping a floor as a janitor. So…don’t die. I’m sure you can work it out because you’re a divine being. Keep ruling the world.

Sincerely, Alyssa

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