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How to Irritate a New Yorker
- by chelsea
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- August 28, 2008
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- 2 discussions
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New Yorkers have sort of gotten a bad rap for sometimes being perceived as "rude" or brash, maybe a bit short tempered or pushy even? But when it comes down to it, they've got places to go, people to say AND a train to catch. It's difficult to avoid getting irritable when you have obnoxious tourists, or unaware inhabitants blocking your stoop. So whether you're looking to push someone's buttons or you'd simply like to understand that mystery that is, "The Abrasive New Yorker" let me outline it for you.
Send an intern to get the coffee:
I’ve been the intern.
Oh man, and the coffee runs are intense. For a few reason; one being that you’ll usually have an office full of fiends who would ALL like to refuel with some caffeine AND you’ll have a few very specific orders. i.e. Venti, half-caf, half soy with a “splash” of half and half, green tea….extra hot. um? what?
The other reason, the people sending you probably won’t want Starbucks. They’ll choose a “trendy” family owned coffee shop that is ten blocks away, then you’ll have to walk back with the 8 orders of large coffees, in heels.
HOW TO IRRITATE THE NEW YORKER:
Be in the intern in front of a guy ordering water.
Move at tortoise speed if you’d like to be loathed by all of New York City.
How to Irritate a New Yorker
Family tourists? THE WORST. EVER.
Inconvenient living situation
HOW TO IRRITATE A NEW YORKER WHO’S YOUR FRIEND:
Live in a walk up. And please, live on the sixth floor.
Then invite your friends over and ask if they don’t mind grabbing your laundry next door on their way up.
CAB COURTESY:
Hailing a cab in New York is, for some, a daily occurrence. So when something is a daily occurrence there are certain unspoken rules that apply so that everything can run smoothly. For instance, never. ever. try and steal someone else’s cab….there are plenty to go around. Below are examples of other common cab malpractice’s.
Hailing a cab isn’t a form of exercise. No need to flail.
Palace Theatre
1564 Broadway, New York, NY 10036
The answer to the Legally Blonde question; NO. But, I heard the show is AMAZING.
The answer to the Legally Blonde question; NO. But, I heard the show is AMAZING.
That smile alone could irritate me. No one is that excited about coffee.
DO THINGS. VERRRRY SLOWWWLLLLY.......
SLOW translates to laziness and “MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!” in the mind of a New Yorker.
First off, we don’t have TIME to LISTEN to slow, to SPEAK to slow, or to WALK with slow.
HOW TO IRRITATE THE NEW YORKER:
- Leave them a slow message
- Walk slowly in front of them, while text messaging.
- Place your order at the deli…very. slowly.
- Return their email and hour after they sent it.
- Tell your client you’ll send over the fax when you’re done meditating
- Take a break for TEA
Save “tea time” for when Grandma comes to visit. Even a cute teapot irritates a New Yorker.
BE A TOURIST
Do I really need to elaborate?
JUMP ON A BIG RED BUS, STRAP A CAMERA AROUND YOUR NECK AND ASK ME HOW TO GET TO THE 1 TRAIN.
Then….pull out your “pop up” map, point to where we are both standing on the map and ask….“Are we here?”
Get used to walking...
This guy walked EVERY. SINGLE. STREET. In New York City. Take some tips on how to walk the streets and briskly…Manhattan isn’t that small when you’re seeing it all on foot.
Cab competitions are ugly. Especially in that dress on the right,
Irritating Questions:
- Have you seen Legally Blonde the Musical?!
- Mets or Yankees?
- Do you have rats?
- Can I put you on hold?
- Do you have a reservation?
- You’re a writer? Oh, what burrow do you live in?
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You can irritate a New Yorker? I didn’t think it was possible until reading the guide, good job.
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Hysterical cab competition photos!
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