.jpg "How to deal with cell phone and internet \"Interruption of Service\"")
.jpg "Want to know how to deal with fire damage?")
.jpg "Taken By The Sky, or How to Love Fleetwood Mac the Way that I Love Fleetwood Mac")
.jpg "TheKing")
.jpg "How to Live Life Like Hank Chinaski?")
.jpg "Ray Schon State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Dan Tyler State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Susan Terhune State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Ben Parsons State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Awkward Family Portraits will make you say \"WTF?\"")
.jpg "Love is funny: Awesomely BAD engagement photos")
.jpg "Failbook")
.jpg "How to Have Sex With Hot Women Even If You Don't Own the Three Wolf Moon Shirt")
SPONSORED LISTINGS
How to Deal With Heartache In a Negative way
- by theking
- -
- June 07, 2008
(3)
.jpg)
This is a guide of how men usually deal with heartbreak
1 - So You Just Got Dumped
Everyone seems to deal with heartbreak differently. Men, on the other hand, mostly seem to deal with it the same way, in a very negative manner. Now going down a negative route is a very positive thing to do. Because we go down a dark stormy road, but eventually end up in sunshine. That is if you don’t destroy yourself first, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I myself knocked off a good couple decade off of my life when I went through this ordeal
2 - The Bible
Some men will refer to this as their “High Fidelity Phase”. “High Fidelity” was a book written by Nick Hornby in 1995. It was also adapted into a film in 2000. Both the book and the movie will be your bible. Because this movie describes the typical phase a man goes through when his heart is broken.
3 - Conditions To Expect
Now, picture the lowest a human being can possibly go…. and dig deeper. While going through this ordeal, you will pack on some vices. One, expect a heavy amount of alcohol going into your body at one time, and frequently. Whiskey will be your best friend. If you are not a whiskey drinker, then I suggest Rumpleminze to make the tears taste less bitter. Be careful, it may taste sweet, but this drink is 100 proof alcohol. These peppermint schnapps do more than just freshen your breath. I myself drank a handle in 8 minutes while watching the movie “High Fidelity”. Not too much later, I was in the freezing cold for hours covered in myself. I could not see or stand-up. Expect this to be your nightly routine.
If you are not a smoker now, you will be a chain-smoke by the time your old lady ripped out your heart, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it until it was nothing. In case you are not familiar with this condition, you’ll be smoking 4-5 packs a day. I suggest the “Buy One, Get One Free!” deals.
This next phase varies from person to person. Some men when they go through heartbreak loose weight. Others, like myself, tend to gain a lot of weight. It all depends on what kind of person you are. Either way you’ll be throwing up a lot. If not from stress, then from the combination of different things in your system that should not be there.
The next phase in an important one: narcotics. This, like some of the others, varies from person to person. Some people like to smoke marijuana. Others like to do heavier stuff such as cocaine, heroine, LCD, meth, absinthe, crack-cocaine, and much more. Now I am not going to condone these illegal substances. I myself was a pill-popper, but everyone is different. All I am going to say about this is try not to kill yourself, at least not right away.
These lifestyles are very extreme. And we seem to do these things for one reason. That is to shorten our lives. When you lost the best thing that ever happened to you, and the only thing that ever made you happy, you really don’t want to live anymore. At least, you don’t want to live that much longer. Because of this Deathclock.com tells me I only have 15 years left to live. A good job well done I guess.
4 - Stages
Now you will go through the regular 5 Stages of Grief, which are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Once again, this all varies from person to person. The order may change, and some steps may be removed or added. The order for myself was: Denial, Bargaining, Depression, Anger, Acceptance, and Apathy. Now the apathy and acceptance may be the same thing, but acceptance wasn’t a positive step for me. Acceptance basically was me saying, “Okay, I get it. I am a pathetic piece of $#!&.”
But there are phases that are stuck in here and there that aren’t mention with your standard 5. One stage is seeing your ex everywhere you go. A 12-year-old one-legged Chinese boy with an eye patch will remind you of your ex. You will see her car everywhere. You will see her face everywhere. You will hear her voice everywhere. It is like the Stabbing Westward song “Haunting Me”:
Everywhere I go I see your face.
Every sound I hear, is the sound of your voice.
Why are you Haunting me?
Why are you Haunting me?
Why can’t I let you go?
Some of you, like myself, will be come emotionally numb. Some people may say that you are “dead inside”. Some may say that you are an "emotionally crippled narcissist. Either way, this stage may last a while. Your heart is no longer broken, it is gone. It has been stolen. It may be a while until you start to feel again. Just don’t get comfortable. Being “dead inside” isn’t as glamorous as it sounds.
(Bonus Tip): Stage 2 Booster
Nothing screams Stage2/Anger like Stabbing Westward. Stabbing Westward is one of the greatest angry heartbreak bands.
Specifically the album “Darkest Days”. This album is made of four acts explaining the emotional journey through heartache.
ACT 1 (Tracks 1-4): is about sabotaging the relationship.
ACT 2 (Tracks 5-9): is about lust, hope, and longing.
ACT 3 (Tracks 10-12): is about hitting rock bottom after it’s all over.
ACT 4 (13-16); is about recovery and self-respect.
Personally, I consider Stabbing Westward suicide music.
This next bit of information is very important: DO NOT mix Stabbing Westward with alcohol. If you choose to, be careful. This is most likely how a lot of suicides are caused.
Other Songs I suggest are:
Dead Inside by Widescreen Mode
The Stranger by Billy Joel
Love Stinks by J. Geils Band
You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette
5 - You did it.
Now, you’ve been to the darkest realms inside of yourself where your inner demons dwell. Be careful. Don’t come out of this as a serial killer, and don’t kill yourself.
When this is over: you are going to look different, you are going to dress different, you are going to feel different. Basically, you will be a whole new person. You’ll either gain or lose excessive amounts of weight. You’ll probably going to start dressing like a dark angry bad ass. You’ll either be full of hatred, or full of nothing.
No matter what happened during your ordeal, you got out a live. Now go live your life, and get your heartbroken by someone else so that you can go through all this again. At least next time you will know what to expect.
- |
- |
- |
- |
- share this
.jpg "Jessica H")
-
Excellent advice. Well played.
.jpg)
Discussions