How To Bomb As A New York Comedian

by Matt Fried - June 25, 2008

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"Dying is easy, comedy is hard." quipped actor/director Donald Wolfit before he shuffled off this mortal coil. Once again, common sense holds no candle to the last words of an old British guy. Two years ago, I signed up for my first improv class at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Since then, my comedy career has steadily mutated into sketch and stand-up as well. You would think having a wider range would make things easier - never the case. No matter how long you've been doing comedy, you can still do a bad show. In fact, you could turn bombing into an art form if you really wanted to. Hmm, career be damned - I just found a new summer project.

Be A Douchebag

Best defined by my cohort, Chelsea, it’s really easy to be the guy that everyone hates. You’re guided by one principle: you are the most important person in the room. If someone seeks out your advice on a set or an improv scene, don’t bother – they’re talentless hacks. You, on the other hand, are a brilliant human being who needs to be surrounded by everything: connections, money, women. In this dog-eat-dog world, you’re the guy at the grill; and everyone should know that.

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Gotham City Improv

158 W 23rd Street 2nd Fl, New York, NY 10011

A great little place to play improv. However every single time I’ve played there, it’s been during a thunderstorm, with no audience, or half of my improv group was sick. It’s my Bermuda Triangle.

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Don't Be Funny

Confidence on-stage is probably the most important thing of all. If you don’t believe in your material, then why are you even on-stage at all? Also, a tip: 18 year old girls (for some reason) are into the self-pitying trip, but not a bunch of like-minded guys. When you start playing open mikes, that’s your audience. The first key to humor is a belief that it’s funny and worth hearing at all.

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Think Tank 3

447 Hudson St, New York, NY 10014

I’ve bombed of a whole different variety at the Tank – like in front of an avant garde theater crowd.

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Don't Listen

Everyone else is an idiot. Nobody knows what they’re talking about. Who is this guy to give me advice about a set? How many jokes does he always make about his parents? Comedy can be tough because everyone can be territorial. Life can be even worse, sometimes. Yes, genuine, good advice can be hard to come by, but it can be even harder, if you’re so full of your own ego that you’ve already decided it’s wrong.

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Kabin

92 2nd Avenue New York, NY 10003

Another low-key venue where the working comics of New York come together to flex some muscle. If you can hold your own at this bar, consider yourself in good company.

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Don't Cut Your Ties

Show business is twenty percent talent, eighty percent who you know. If you just happen to work with people who a) have a substance problem, b) are completely unreliable, or c) just happen to be talentless with an ego, you may want to rethink your connections. It’s nothing personal, it’s just you want to be on Comedy Central one day, not playing the Assisted Living Center circuit for the rest of your life.

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Ignore Your Instincts

Performers in general can project their personality just by their stage presence. It’s a psychological fact: you get on-stage and everyone can figure you out by your appearance, how you carry yourself, etc. I think when you’re starting out, you should have your go-to material, but don’t ignore what you who you are. Everybody hates a guy who tries to be something he’s not. It psyches you out and no one really cares about what you have to say.

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Give Up

The easy out, like the text message break-up. No one is a genius overnight. If you really love making people laugh, then stick with it. Your first couple of performances are going to be horrendous. Surrender yourself to that fact, and then move on with your career. Things will click if you pay attention to what works and what doesn’t, and if you’re easy on yourself.

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"No really, I'm hilarious."

Oh, we all love this guy, don’t we? The guy who has to turn everything into a pissing contest. Did you know this guy is super-funny? What – you couldn’t tell by the way he beats his sense of humor into your head like a mafioso with a lead pipe? This guy is never happy with anything, because he honestly believes there is always a fight to be fought. His confidence comes making sure you know that he is in control. He’s right, you’re wrong. Just like God.

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Comix

351 W 14th St, New York, NY 10014

Comix is the new hotness in New York. Doing a bad set here isn’t the end of your career, but it sure doesn’t help either.

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Attack Your Audience

Uh… Kramer, anyone? Different kinds of comedy allow for a certain amount of audience interaction. Stand-up allows for you to stand your ground against a heckler, improv asks that you respect whatever the audience gives you, sketch… well, you get the point. Do some people who pay money to see you want to be the center of attention? Yes, unfortunately. However, while you are entitled to give what you get, you can’t forsake your performance for the entire audience. Don’t be so egotistical as to think the audience is on your side all the time.

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Acqua Beauty Bar Inc

7 E 14th Street, New York, NY 10003

The Beauty Bar’s stand-up night attracts some of the best up-and-comers in the city. Here, it’s about earning your cred in front of your peers.

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Box Yourself In

Gimmicks are the death of good comedy. Smart comedians either infuse everything they do with their own intelligence, or they just drop a bit from their set when the dead horse has been sufficiently beaten. Staying power comes from the ability to remain open-minded and relevant. Not to sound harsh, but there’s a reason why Carrot Top’s career began and ended in the mid-90’s.

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The WaMu Theater

Four Pennsylvania Plaza New York, NY 10001

Madison Square Garden’s arena theater. If you’re playing here, you’re a national headliner. Don’t drop the ball…

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Crash Mansion

199 Bowery New York, NY 10002

An awesome music venue, but an even awesome-er place to catch great stand-up and sketch. This is a step up on the ladder; try not to psyche yourself out.

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Listen Too Much

“I like to think of myself as Steve Martin meets Chris Rock meets Napoleon meets Andy Warhol with a splash of Goldie Hawn.” Did that sound ridiculous to read? Because it sure was ridiculous to write. It takes time to find your voice as a comedian. As you stretch yourself out over a few different types of performance, you have to learn what works and what doesn’t for you. It’s just as bad to listen too much to everyone’s opinion about what you should be doing, as it is to not listen at all. If you know you’re funny, that’s how to at least know you’re in the right business. Just take your time and try a few different things out.

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Discussions

: by chubbuni13 06/27/2008 Reply

A noble pursuit, Mattfried, although in my personal heterosexual opinion, you’re way too pretty to be in comedy… who’s going to relate with you with those dashing good looks? :)

: by Chelsea 06/27/2008 Reply

Dude awesome guide, I’d never have the balls to be a comedian.

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About The Author

Matt Fried

Brooklyn

I'm a writer and comedian living in Brooklyn. You may've seen me around town at The Peoples Improv Theater, Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and Under St. Marks. I write funny stuff and maintain the blog, IamMattFried. Sssh, don't tell anybody, but every single female Guidetripper and Maven is ...