How to be "European" in New York

Drink Espresso

American’s are all about their morning coffee but our “morning coffee” usually tends to be just plain BLACK, coffee. However, after traveling around Europe I found plain black coffee is really an American pleasure. The idea of “cafe” to Europeans is STRAIGHT ESPRESSO. In America people who drink espresso are hardcore. That is for advanced coffee drinkers only. If you go to a restaurant in Europe and order coffee, expect espresso to be sent ot your table. Latte’s? No, you’ll end up with a steaming cup of warm milk. Cappucino’s yes, but that’s only ONE of the many coffee drinks that Europeans have.

They key is: ORDER ESPRESSO A FEW TIMES A DAY, OR AFTER EVERY MEAL.

Carry Cash

American’s are all about the plastic. Almost everywhere takes a Visa card so what’s the point in carrying around a ton of cash. We charge even the smallest things like a cup of two dollar coffee. In Europe i’ts become more common to take credit cards and ATM’S aren’t hard to find, but it’s almost always a hassle and they’d prefer if you just had cash. Truthfully, especially when go out it is MUCH easier ot have cash on you. Next time you go to the bar maybe you’ll spend less money if you aren’t just “starting a tab.”

Wear Tacky Jeans

I swear that had I not figured out that rhinestoned jeans and acid wash was so popular I would have assumed most of the European men I saw were gay. In America European’s often stand out for this reason alone, you see them, then you see their jeans and that’s when you know they are most certainly foreign. American’s are quite obsessed with their jeans and will spend hundreds of dollars for a good pair, Europeans on the other hand don’t keep it simple. Their jeans SPARKLE. It isn’t uncommon to see embroidery and strange collar “Faded” jeans.

Drinker STRONG Liquor

The first time a tiny glass of Limoncello was set on my table I thought, " Wow, what a pretty colored little dessert drink. I’ll take a A HUGE gulp." This, was a mistake. European’s like their liquor, as they do their coffee; STRONG. Limoncello is supposed to be a “treat” but really it’s like sipping a shot of lemon gasoline. Not to mention this is usually a drink after you’ve already finished a bottle (or two) of wine. Whether it’s Campari, Limoncello or Vodka European’s like their liquor.

The key is: Build up a tolerance for this type of drinking.

Learn to walk in heels

Public transportation as in New York, is very common in most European countries. With public transportation also comes a lot of WALKING. American women, or New Yorkers usually carry a pair of heels in their purse and wear separate shoes on the subway or from place to place. It isn’t uncommon to see a woman in front of her subway stop kicking off her flip flips and stepping into some fierce heels to meet friends for lunch. You’d never see a European woman do this. European women wear the hottest, highest shoes and they walk on COBBLESTONE streets. How they don’t twist an ankle I have no idea? Not to mention, break a heel. I’m not even sure how to be go about practicing such a skill.

Travel by train

I’ve taken a Greyhound bus once in my life and the reaction I got from friends was complete horror when I told them. Train? Never. American’s are usually all about efficiency and would rather spend an extra couple hundred bucks on a plane ticket than spend a day on a train, which after traveling around Europe I do understand. Though, I also discovered that traveling by train can be quite beautiful and relaxing. You get to see more of the country that you wouldn’t have seen otherwise!

Men, WEAR V-NECK SHIRTS!

Most men who are sporting the V-neck in America are undoubtedly gay. That’s just the way it is. European men not only sport the v-neck proudly but in flashy colors like salmon and mauve.

Make ANY advertisement a SEXY advertisement

Europeans don’t have the same AVERSION to sex as American’s do. They aren’t nearly as prudish as we are and sex is a common, natural thing (as it is) so what’s the big deal is showing it? Rather than supporting violent adds and television as much as American’s do they like to show off anything sensual; women’s bodies, sexually provocative AD’S (which are everywhere and are advertising even random things like printers) and sexual innuendo is just a common thing.

The key is: MORE SKIN. Whether you’re your own walking advertisement or you’re trying hard to market something, when in doubt have a sexy woman with great cleavage.

EAT MORE BREAD

“Hm, what should I have for breakfast?” This is a common question American’s have every day; eggs? Yogurt? Cereal maybe? What do Europeans say when they wake up in the morning? Hm, time to have some bread. It isn’t uncommon to see someone walking down the street with a baguette or a crusty loaf of bread from the bakery and often, even at lunch, this is a meal for them. The Atkin’s diet would have been a complete joke and the idea of eating a meal that doesn’t include SOME TYPE or bread is really absurd. It took some getting used to when I was craving protein and when I noticed that my “figure” was starting look like, a loaf of bread.

The key is: Stay away from sliced bread, that isn’t European at all. Go to a local bakery and grab a few loaves of the crusty thick bread, don’t bother slicing it. Instead just eat is straight out of the bag. Croissants and rolls are a key choice for breakfast.

Obsess over soccer

American’s are obsessed with football, but not in the way that Europeans are obsessed with their soccer. Or to them, their “football.” Watching the game, praying over the game, being a loyal and devoted fan of the game is a lifestyle. You are never indifferent to the game, the GAME IS YOUR LIFE. Sporting your favorite jersey and getting into physical combat with opposing team isn’t uncommon either. The only thing we American’s even understand about their soccer is David Beckham and if that’s the case…..I’m all for obsessing.

Learn to LOVE techno music

Oh no, techno music is THEIR MUSIC. When I was in Switzerland a few Swiss girls wanted to show me around the city and take me out to one of the best bars in Zurich. When I walked in to find a DJ dancing and spinning this horrific sounding music I was shocked that people are actually EXCITED to sit through or dance through such torture. Techno, house, mixed with some foreign rap and then a splash of early 90’s music like or Donna Summer is a common sound in the clubs of Europe. To truly pull of being a European you have to love this almost as much as you love soccer. Which is a lot, and may take some serious ear training.

EAT DINNER WITH THE FAMILY

After a long train ride from Milan to Tuscany I sat in a cafe waiting for all of the restaurants to open at seven. It was only four. Needless to say i figured I’d order a bottle of wine and hope that it’d tide me over. While sitting there enjoying my drinks I was befriended by some charismatic Italian men, who spoke very little English but managed to buy me four glasses of Prosecco and have me laughing until seven o’clock. At about fifteen till, the forty year old man I’d been talking to said, “I’m so sorry….I must leave…..my Mama, has cooked and is waiting for me.” He jumped on his Vespa and off he went! Family is important, dinner with the family is EVEN MORE important.

The Key is: Never, ever miss a meal is Momma is cooking.

Drive smaller cars

The small cars in America look like GIANTS compared to the cars in Europe. A Prius is the equivalent of a twenty story building next to the European cars that zip around the corners of the small streets. Sure, they may not be very safe in New York City but they sure are environmentally friendly ;)

Shun the "Cheeseburger"

Funny, the first four European countries I went to I was asked about cheeseburgers. Why? I have no idea. After talking to some Europeans they expressed their concern for American’s LOVE for cheeseburgers. They really do think that that is all we eat and therefore, the source of all of our problems.