Categories: Fitness & Health; Geek

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Hiccups: A Guide on Banishing the Little Buggers.

By Chelsea
updated 3 months ago

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You may be wondering, what on Earth could be so bad about a case of hiccups??? Well, when you hiccup like I do, you'd understand. My hiccups are loud and irritating. If I weren't me, I'd want to Judo chop me in the throat, or threaten to cut off my air supply forever. For some people hiccups are silent little "nothings" and for others, like the girl on the last season of The Bachelor who gave her nervous twitch a nickname, "The Meeps", they can get you eliminated and leave you lonely and loveless forever. See, they're kind of a big deal.

What in the H are they????

Well my fellow hiccupers, a hiccup is a spasming of the diaphragm which then causes a rush of air to the epiglottis, thus creating A HICCUP.

My best friend in high school, Moises (no not Moses, but MOIses) used to tell me whenever I’d get hiccups, while doing my frequent underage drinking, that I needed to “regulate my breathing” .....which has been the most affective cure so far. However, if I can use an excuse to eat a spoon full of peanut butter to banish them, then I will.

THINK TWICE....

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not only will your bowels “feel the heat” but you may get end up with a hiccup fit, which is especially inconvenient on a date of before a speech.

As you can see.....

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SHE TRIED: Sugar, Peanut butter, water….apparently, they didn’t do the trick.

Tip #2

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Try drinking water upside down, or drink 20 sips in rapid succession. Oh, and all while holding your breathe.

Tip#4

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EAT SOME PICKLES. Suggestively of course.

Speaking of eating things....

I’m a big fan of any opportunity to EAT. Especially if it “for a cure.”

Some other hiccup reducing food (so they say) are:

  • Eat a Slim Jim
  • Eat some honey.
  • Eat a marshmallow
  • Eat several packets of Sweet & Lo
  • Eat sour candy
  • Chew on mint leaves

Tip #7

Close your eyes and say, “I AM NOT GOING TO HICCUP AGAIN. THAT WAS MY LAST HICCUP.”

You know, like The Secret.

The Secret

Tip #9

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Make yourself hyperventilate. For the record, this is also a REALLY great way to get attention, in case you’re feeling overlooked. Just so you know. Of if you’re reading this guide from work and would rather be at home in your jami’s, start hyperventilating….it’ll really freak everyone out.

Tip #11

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BALANCE SOMETHING ON YOUR NOSE. For instance….a beer bottle. Especially if you’re a kid. It’ll do a lot for your popularity in school. He’s wasted. I can tell.

MY PERSONAL CURE:

Making out babyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! Does it get better than that??? Thats some good distraction. However, make sure you’re really in it, otherwise…....


your could hiccup, and knock out a tooth. Which would give you a whole new set of problems.

Tip#13

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kissing!!!!

 

WHAT CAUSES THE HICCUPS?

A series of different things can lead to a hiccup induced FIT, for instance:

  • Drinking alcohol in excess (Here, here!)
  • Laughing vigorously- now I’ve never personally seen this, but I think it’d be hysterical. Which would cause more laughing and more hiccuping?
  • Eating too quickly
  • SOBBING- which causes air to the stomach. Oh, I’m sure this has happened to me. I’m a crier.
  • Taking a cold drink while eating a hot meal
  • Spicy food (which also may cause diarrhea)
  • Smoking and abnormal inhalation….(I know nothing about smoking anything….)
  • Talking too much.

GIRL HICCUPED FOR THREE WEEKS STRAIGHT

Is it really effed up that I find this HYSTERICAL? Please, watch it and tell me you’re not laughing. I’m an not an A-hole.

Tip #1

DISTRACTION.
Sometimes this means, singing a song, JOGGING IN PLACE, or maybe jogging to a place? Repeating nursery rhymes, singing the alphabet, etc. If you aren’t the one with hiccups attempt scaring the BEEJITS (its a new word. Don’t steal it) out of someone by:
Chasing them with a knife- I’m sure they’ll find other things to think about than their hiccups, perhaps, survival. Or you could go the more traditional route and just jump out from a bush, or something.

Tip #3

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Drink water upside down. Does anyone else want to be that this girl is drunk??

Tip #5

Uh, I can’t even take credit for this one but its GOOD:

“Think of the ugliest person you’ve ever seen. Now picture them naked, rolling
naked down a hill or riding a bike and slathered in A-1 steak sauce”

Tip #6 Make Yourself Burp

Take notes from this chick.

Tip #8

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BLOW ON YOUR THUMB. You could also techincally try blowing up balloons but a thumb is much more
handy….no pun intended.

Tip #10

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SAY “PINAPPLE.” Now, I’m assuming this little tale of getting rid of hiccups came from some punk kid in elementary school who was trying to get someone to slip up and say, “Pin-ass-le” You’ll do anything to get someone to say ass when you’re a kid.

Tip #12

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Stand on your head. Hopefully you have a super flat head, or it could get painful. Apparently being shirtless and wearing silk pants really enhances your chances of getting rid of them.

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