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Wait, You Hate TSA Too?
- by seattle_cameron
- 3 contributors
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- December 15, 2009
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- 5 discussions
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Well, no shit. And why stop at TSA? I hate airports, flying, airport food, plane food, flight attendants and just about every single airline-- they all suck. My last airport experience consisted of losing my luggage and throwing away my $60 face creme because why? Terrorists combine that with foot exfoliator to create explosives. Right. Only McGiver can do that. This is just the tip of the iceburg, friends. What are your TSA/Airport horror stories?
Oh Yeah, I Feel Safe
Hello, grandpa? Don’t you have innocent foreigners to harass? Get to it!
Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendants
Flight attendants are actually required to be a clinicly diagnosed passive-aggressive schizos. It makes sense, they have to be able to go from derrogatory to ass-kissing within seconds, alternating from Coach to First Class.
She wants to strangle us all with that thing. Just look at her.
Stuck Behind the Cart When you've Gotta Pee
It happens to the best of us. It’s not our fault. We just have bad timing. So if we’re gonna be stuck behind the food cart, can we at least have some Cheese-its? That’d be great.
Dude, Where the F is my Car?
This is the funnest part. After a 14 hour flight next to screaming brats and bad-breath hillbillies, all I want to do is wander around the parking lot looking for one of 2,000 silver Hondas.
And Where are my Damn Peanuts?
Good job airlines, you saved .35 cents on hording the peanuts. Nice work.
Sitting Next to the Fat Guy Who Snorggles
What is snorggling, you ask? It’s when you sniff (instead of blowing your nose) and swallow. Hot.
Guide for JFK Airport
You know, for when TSA cancels your flight and you have a 9 hour layover and are out of pain killers.
Luggage Limits
Okay, if you’re gonna slap me with another $15 fee per luggage, you’re the only one to blame for this right here. Shame on you.
Quit Stealin' my Weapons
Seriously… I got shit to do in Mexico City.
The Ever-Changing, Obsurd Protocol that is TSA
Did you know that the TSA has adopted the Dummies Security Screening guide as their official protocol? Each TSA staff member gets a free copy but they’re not required to read it.
Everyone Hates Seniors, but Seriously, WTF?
Nope, nothing in his socks, but I say check his diapers. Old people are sneaky AND disgusting.
They Stole My Digital Camera!!!
I flew to Mexico a couple summers ago and stupidly, I put my camera in my suitcase. Our bags were searched by TSA prior to getting checked in, and whoever was looking through my bag took my camera as well as my iPod wall charger!!!! I was so mad. I wrote to TSA to get compensation for my goods, but nothing could compensate for going on vacation without a camera!
added by Elijay 03/23/2009
Stupid Flying Kids
On my way to Vegas last week I got the luck of the brats sitting in front of me. How did I know they were there? They kept standing in the chairs peeking over the top with their buggery noses trying to get my attention. I kept giving them what my adult daughter calls the “mean face”. Seriously, I really don’t like anyone’s kids but my own. Stow those beasts in the cargo area!
added by rashedout 03/25/2009
They Ruin Your Pretty Cupcakes
Yup. I was just thinking about how much I hate TSA the other day. I was returning from Chicago and had a bag of pretty cupcakes all nicely placed in pretty boxes. Security took the bag of cupcakes and put it through the x-ray, and when it came out on the other end, the cupcakes were no longer in the bag and were all a huge mess in their pretty boxes. How dare you, TSA?!? Mess with cupcakes and you mess with me!!
added by Susie 03/26/2009
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I HATE snorggling. HATE IT!!!!
.jpg "The Mean Bean")
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They never seem qualified to give me such a hard time. I swear, every single time I go to the airport I get pulled asid and interrogated. They want to feel my boobs, I’m sure of it.
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What an entertaining guide! You do bring up very logical points – but I must admit I LOVE airports and flying. Mainly just the idea of flying (TSA checkpoints aside). Kudos :-)
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