Hardcore Fried Chicken: A connoisseur's guide to the ultimate urban fried chicken experience

Canadian Fried Chicken

Nowadays, the place always seems to be shuttered with those pull-down metal gates. But in an idealized yesteryear, in days of yore, in a bygone era, you could get the best Canadian-style fried chicken in New Jersey, made by Colombians.

New York Fried Chicken & Pizza

Please try to ignore the “& Pizza” – it diminishes the proper respect due the fried chicken.

Their chicken is OK, but why would you eat there when you could eat at …

Big New York Fried Chicken & Pizza

Again, don’t let the “& Pizza” or the Plexiglas barrier at the order window concern or distract you from your mission. You are here for some damn good, hardcore fried chicken and they’ll even give you packets of hot sauce.

Crown Hot Sauce

This is one of the hot sauce packets you’ll get at Big New York. Truly, a hot sauce worthy of aristocracy. Or, you could go straight to the source, and head on over to …

Crown Fried Chicken & Pizza

Of course, if you happen, perchance, to be entertaining European royalty – such as a duchess, viscount or baronness – I suggest in that case you make sure the beer is cold, the hot sauce is hot and the fried chicken is from Crown.

Palace Fried Chicken #2

(Just for the record, I’m still trying to find PFC #1. As of yet, its whereabouts are unknown.)

But let us say you want to truly impress, and Crown Fried Chicken doesn’t have quite the caché you’re looking for. Your intention is to elevate your game. Then, Palace Fried Chicken #2 is the place for you. This is the domain of kings, queens and those directly in line for the throne. All hyperbole aside, when the House of Lords is upset and only the best will do, go with Palace.

Jersey Fried Chicken & Pizza

But let’s be honest. We live in a Republic, not a Constitutional Monarchy. And, particularly, if you find yourself in the state of New Jersey, why would you go anywhere but Jersey Fried Chicken & Pizza? It even has a drive-thru!

Lincoln Fried Chicken

Speaking of our Grand Old Republic, who held it together? Who sacrificed his very life so that “a house divided against itself” would not fall? Maybe there’s some good fried chicken down in Gettysburg. But if you find yourself in Newark, listen to “the better angels of your nature,” show some respect and patronize Lincoln Fried Chicken.

U.S. Fried Chicken

Conservative/liberal? Ohio State/Michigan? Mac/PC? Red state/Blue state? All these divisions will blend into a beautiful patriotic hue of purple. Be a uniter, not a divider. Eat at U.S. Fried Chicken.

American Fried Chicken

On the other hand, there’s American Fried Chicken. This used to confuse me greatly as a child. Should I go with the U.S. Fried Chicken or with American Fried Chicken? To this day, I experience a fried chicken cognitive dissonance, and the inner turmoil, at times, brings me to my knees. But there’s one thing I know for sure: That this guy …

Amerigo Vespucci

(March 9, 1454 – February 22, 1512)
the Italian cartographer, would have chosen American Fried Chicken. I mean, our whole hemisphere is named after this awesome dude.