Halloween: Better Than Candy in New York City

Shamelessly making fun of people

Mainly, politicians. One of the great things about Halloween is being able to express your opinions on people; celebrities, politicians, characters, etc. and you can take your own spin on it and make them the type of person you see them as. Every year you’ll see a few people dressed as Britney Spears at one of her lowest moments with a Kevin Federline date, trailer trash outfit and a few babies hanging from her purse. Obviously, it’s a bit dramatized but hysterical nonetheless. You can shamelessly make fun of people and show everyone how YOU see them. Something tells me this year there will be a lot of Sarah Palin’s running around.

Not getting in trouble for poking fun at religion

This is an obvious one. I mean, I’ve considered being a nun every year….because when else will I get to wear the habit, unless I’m in the play Agnes of God. For men I’d assume it’d be tempting to want to play Jesus, because who doesn’t want to be addressed at Lord? I know I do. With all of the controversy in the Catholic church, this one is brilliant….regardless of your religious beliefs Halloween is one time where everyone sets that aside for a minute and can have a good laugh. Who doesn’t find a pregnant nun funny?

Getting your significant other to wear tights

Does this even need an explanation?? I’m sorry, there is nothing funnier than seeing your boyfriend/husband/whatever dressed in tights (especially colored tights, which is actually comical on anyone) or doing a cartwheel. Pair the two together and you’ll have a barrel of laughs. Whenever I’m really down in the dumps I make whoever I’m dating skip around, if I could get them to skip while wearing tights….oh man. Plus, if your man i Peter Pan you can go as Tinkerbell and you’ll still get to look cute.

Being overtly sexual in public

Everyone’s dated or known that person that thinks its imperative that they grab their significant other’s ass, inappropriately while out in public. Well, those people are the ones that will love costumes like these. Instead of going as the cute couple dressed as Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers, you’re the “keyhole” couple. Usually you can figure out which couple this will be before you have the party, since you’ve previously seen them having full on foreplay while having a night on the town. Classy. This is the one time that they’re allowed to be all “sexual innuendo-y” and disgusting, so let them.

Scaring little children

This is sort of like when I used to terrify little kids while picking up my sister from school by blowing kisses at them. I found it very amusing. When I was a kid my Mother used to hide around corners, under desks, or my bed just to scare the living daylights out me….she still does it to this day. Even when i was five she liked to pull this one, with a creepy look on her face, “I am NOT YOUR MOTHER………” then she’d stare at me glassy eyed until I started to cry and she burst into uncontrollable laughter. Nice Mother, nice.

I do understand the pleasure though, when I pulled that one on my little sister a few weeks ago I laughed for days.

Dressing your children in stupid outfits

Parents can usually get away with putting their kids in stupid clothing until they’re about 11. After all they are buying the clothes and when I say that I wore periwinkle nylon bell bottoms to school, because my Mother convinced me they were cool….I’m not lying. What better time to take advantage of “owning your children” than on Halloween?? The first year parents usually make their kids a piece of fruit or a pumpkin, the second some sort of animal; monkey, bear, chicken, etc. Car freshner?? Now that’s brilliant.

Finally fulfilling your dream to be a superhero

Every little boy has a dream to fly, to save the world, to scale skyscrapers and save Lois Lane…..as they grow up that dream morphs into, being Super Beer Man? Either way, whatever superhero you have the dream of being, Halloween gives you the freedom to be Super (fill in the blank) you can go the traditional route and be Superman or Batman, but then you also run the risk of running into the Joker or Kryptonite and then you may have a rough evening.

Exploring roleplay

A lot of people may be to shy to admit that they’d like to see their object of desire dressed as Princess Lea or Naughty Nurse. Luckily, on Halloween you don’t even have to approach the subject, you can just take you naughty half-dressed cop, firefighter, French maid, cowgirl, or any other cliched half-naked costume home and BAM instant role play, you didn’t even have to bring up the topic.

Halloween PUB CRAWLS!

It’s one thing to go on a pub crawl without a reason, still fun, but maybe headed for AA….when there’s a reason to celebrate and pub crawl, take advantage of the opportunity!

Pre-gameing with scary movies

This is not only the best way to get whoever you like to cuddle with you, but also a great way to reallly freak yourself out and inducing serious paranoia before going to sleep at night. You have to do it around Halloween, that’s the whole point of the holiday….right?
I suggest renting the classics; Halloween, The Changeling, Friday the 13th….etc. You know the ones. Oh, and Scream.

Turning innocent characters into hoochie mama's

This may be more for the men than it actually is for the women. I personally have never had any fantasy’s of Alice in Wonderland in her underwear, or looking like she lost half of her clothing while searching for the rabbit. You can almost guarantee that you’ll see at least a few whore-y princesses, Disney characters and school teachers. Good for you men.