Go Before The Hipsters Take It Over: Los Angeles Edition

It might be around the corner from the chic, minimalist bar Air Conditioned, but don’t think that any of that’s run off on the Joker. This place doesn’t want to know what you heard on KCRW the other day, and it doesn’t want to hear what a great bottle of Cab you had over dinner. It’s gritty, sort of seedy, and doesn’t wear ironic t-shirts.

Let’s say you live in West LA, and you don’t want to get your drink on with a bunch of UCLA engineering students. Where to go? Why Philly West of course! This bar thinks it’s on the East coast (silly bar), so don’t be surprised if you have an identity crisis when you go in. This bar is dedicated to fatty food and drink. And just to prove it’s not trying to be cool the only game around is a video golf game—no foosball, no Pac-Man, no kitschy pinball machine.

This bowling alley is open 24/7 and the drinks are CHEAP, two factors that make it seem more like a trashy strip club than a bowling alley—not to mention the fact there’s a motel attached to the bowling alley, need we say more? Just don’t throw your ball in someone else’s lane by accident after you’ve knocked back a few drinks, you don’t want to mess with this crowd.

This bar is chock full of repeat offenders, but don’t think it’s the type of place where everyone knows your name—it’s not the friendliest of places. But they have beer on tap, the prices are cheap, and the food isn’t bad either. Just don’t get involved in any bar fights while you’re here.

This place is probably older than Methuselah, the decor is INSANE (we just have one word: taxidermy), and the restaurant is cafeteria style, so you can pretend like your in elementary school again, only you don’t have to worry about someone stealing your lunch money ( well, maybe you do, you never know with Downtown LA…) And just beware, Jell-O is king here.

This divey Valley bar offers a ton of distractions: trivia, free popcorn, shuffleboard, karaoke and pool. Why so many distractions? Could be because it’s dumpy. Or it could be because its clientele is prone to fisticuffs. Either way, it’s cheap, and offers umm… interesting people watching.

This bar is regular central, so you might feel like you don’t belong at first, but just stick it out, you big baby. Plus, the regulars will try to make you feel right at home, even if it is in a creepy sort of way. They’ve got karaoke going on pretty much all the time, so get your pipes ready.

It’s Saturday morning, you’re near the Beverly Center, and you’re in the mood for some brunch. Joan’s, Toast, King’s Road Cafe, Quality Food & Beverage, and Swingers are overcrowded and overpriced. But what’s that in the distance? It’s Jan’s! There are no chocolate chip pancakes or vegan chorizo and the people wearing oversized sunglasses and Member’s Only jackets are not doing so to make a fashion statement. They’re doing it because they’re 75.

Located on strip of Pico populated by mattress stores and strip clubs, the Saloon does its best to contribute to the overall seediness of the area directly west of the 405. The crowd here doesn’t look like they hang out in Brentwood, rather, they look like they could eat Brentwood for breakfast. But what sets this place apart, is that the food is actually really good. In fact, some say it’s the best burger in LA.

This Mexican restaurant looks like it hasn’t been touched since the ‘70s and most of the clientele look like they’ve been hanging around there since the ’70s too. The atmosphere is cheesy (just like the food), so expect to see some twinkle lights shaped like chili peppers and a pinata or two.

The food here is sub-par, the after-hours crowd is seedy, while the daytime regulars hover on the geriatric side. They don’t take credit cards and there’s no service with a smile, but if you want to eat your pancakes and bacon in peace at 2am, this is your place.

Dark and dank, this restaurant hasn’t been updated since fondue was at the height of its popularity in the ‘70s. The fondue here is VERY hit or miss and the prices aren’t cheap, BUT you get to walk away feeling totally cool that you just had some fondue, even if it did make you feel a little sick.