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Guide to Getting Out of Doing Things
- by jordan_forrest
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- June 24, 2008
(3)
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Because No One Ever Falls for the "Washing My Hair" Line
Calling in Sick to Work
I have found that when “calling in sick” to work, it’s best to do so right when you wake up. Your scratchy, groggy morning-voice will sound like a typical “sick-voice”.
Car Troubles
Car troubles are a great excuse. Almost everyone can relate to having some sort of issue with their car. Be careful to make it into something that can’t be quickly fixed. Saying you have a flat tire is not wise, because a lot of people will try to come help you change your tire, or at least assume that you will get it fixed and just be a little late. Car accidents are good, as long as you won’t see the person anytime soon (when they see your car is magically fine, they will know what’s up).
Cover Your Tracks!
Be sly, be sneaky. Think “James Bond”. There is nothing worse than bailing on someone, only to run into them that same evening. You won’t be able to wiggle your way out of that one, kid. Avoid hot spots where you might run into whoever you are avoiding. If you do spot them, run. Run, Forrest, run.
A Little Does NOT Go A Long Way
If you’re calling in “sick” to work, don’t just leave it at that. You need to elaborate. People won’t question you if you can give them details about whatever illness you’ve suddenly come down with. But ah, young grasshopper, this can be tricky. While you want to go into specifics about why you can’t go to that wedding, or come into work, you also don’t want to go overboard. Too many details makes it very obvious that you are just practicing your improv skills.
Only A Really Big Jerk Will Question Your Family Emergency
Even a jerk of a reasonably large size wouldn’t question your family emergency. The more personal, the better. Make sure to sound distressed and emotional when you call whoever it is to tell them you won’t be coming because your “Aunt Gladys is in the hospital.”
Won't Be In Town
“I’m so sorry I can’t make it to your knitting party, I have to go out of town for my cousin’s wedding. Bummer!”
When using the “out of town” line, make sure you make it sound like you are obligated to go to this out of town event, and make it sound like you are so miserable about having to go. Whine a lot about how you would so much rather be at the in-town event. This really drives the point home, and it makes you seem like a victim instead of the bad guy who didn’t show up.
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.jpg "GillianS")
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One time an old boss actually thought my co-worker made up her grandmother dying. She was, in fact, a REALLY BIG – ahem – jerk. Though, that is not what we called her…
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Jordan is on a roll!
.jpg "Chelsea")
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COVER YOUR TRACKS. Yes, nice guide :) I know this one well.
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