.jpg "How NOT to Get Laid on Valentine's Day")
.jpg "The Gentleman's Guide To Rejection in New York")
.jpg "10 Ways, Real ways, to get women")
.jpg "10 Real Ways to get a Woman (Pt. 2)")
.jpg "Matt Fried")
.jpg "So, Your Girlfriend Is A Lesbian...")
.jpg "The Yuppie Cesspools of New York City")
.jpg "Obama Predictions for 2009")
.jpg "Ray Schon State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Dan Tyler State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Susan Terhune State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Ben Parsons State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Awkward Family Portraits will make you say \"WTF?\"")
.jpg "Love is funny: Awesomely BAD engagement photos")
.jpg "The Super Sexy 70's Ads")
.jpg "Can't Refinance - Mortgage Upside Down? Modify Loan Into Lower Mortgage Payment")
SPONSORED LISTINGS
The Gentleman's Guide To Getting Laid In College
- by matt_fried
- -
- September 18, 2009
(2)
- 2 discussions
- |
- 1 comment
- -
- expand all
.jpg)
Okay boys: school is in session. Welcome to college, where you can be anyone, and do anyone. That's right - it's time for all those crazy hi-jinks that years of Hollywood frat comedies have prepared you for: having sex. Contrary to popular belief, most college sex is regrettable and/or decent at best. That is, of course, unless you take active measure to improve over time. Look, maybe things are different from when I was an undergrad, but I highly doubt it. Let me put it to you this way: if your name, plus sexual prowess, is going to be showing up on anyone's Twitter status - you better pray it's high praise. Or, at least the always congenial "He's a really nice guy". Anyway, step away from the internet porn and take notes. There's more than one to skin - um, "do your thing" in this town.
Don't Be A Douchebag
It’s all pretty straightforward: just as there’s THAT girl, there’s also THAT guy. Don’t be THAT guy. I’m referring to the guy who looks like something out of an American Eagle catalogue. The guy who lives and dies by Dave Matthews, or whatever other generic, world jam band the kids love these days. The guy who’s a business finance major, is a beer pong champion, LOVES the movie Old School, and whose bombastic, grating, immature behavior is often a half-assed cover for more than one biological… um, shortcomings. Look, she’s a human being, too. Just treat her with some respect through-out the night.
Happy Ending
302 Broome St, New York, NY 10002
One of the most popular lounges to emerge in the last year, Happy Ending unfortunately attracts its fair share of douchebaggery. If you really don’t understand what I’m saying, splash on some AXE and a polo shirt with a popped collar and do some in-field research.
One of the most popular lounges to emerge in the last year, Happy Ending unfortunately attracts its fair share of douchebaggery. If you really don’t understand what I’m saying, splash on some AXE and a polo shirt with a popped collar and do some in-field research.
Be Confident
Love comic books? Awesome – own up to it. Don’t be needy, don’t be apologetic, and don’t try to pull off any of that “Yeah, I’m totally a geek” act that boring people have made popular. We all have our hobbies and interests. She’s going to be way more interested if you can talk honestly and passionately about what gives your life a purpose. That being said, don’t nerd out on her, either. There’s a reason why we all fall into certain social circles. She’ll want to hear about why you love The Watchmen. She’ll become uninterested when you don’t shut-up about the influence of John Romita, Jr.
The "Lolita In America" Conference
Saturday, September 27th, 2008 at The New School
New School University
66 W 12 St, New York, NY 10011
Listen up, lit nerds – The New School hosts The “Lolita in America” Conference on September 27th. It’s a day-long symposium on the cultural impact of the famous novel by Vladimir Nabokov. Dare I say take a date here? Maybe. Either way, you could definitely score some points with a Woman’s Studies major.
Listen up, lit nerds – The New School hosts The “Lolita in America” Conference on September 27th. It’s a day-long symposium on the cultural impact of the famous novel by Vladimir Nabokov. Dare I say take a date here? Maybe. Either way, you could definitely score some points with a Woman’s Studies major.
Some Classy Pick-Up Lines
No, seriously. College (especially the underclassmen years) is the only excuse you have to use the pick-up line. Once you hit your mid-twenties – boy, you better have it together. Anyway, here’re a few from the more clever side of the male libido.
In reaction to a wildly popular/raucous gathering
“I thought it was just going to be you, me, and like three other people.”
In complement to her cultural taste
“You know, <insert name of famous person here> actually owes me fifty bucks.”
Along with funny, awkward gesture
“Huh, all those cotillion classes paid off.”
Hipster pick-up line
“Well, Color Me Badd.”
Have Something Else To Say
How do you balance out not nerding out on her? Easy; have something else to talk about. Channel your inner Joe Strummer and talk about philosophy, politics, movies, music – hell, I don’t care, your favorite Muppet. Whatever it is, just don’t look like some craft idiot. Granted, we are talking about first impressions in this line of work, but it looks good for you, either way.
The Jewish Museum
1109 5th Ave, Manhattan, NY 10128
There’s the Action/Abstraction exhibit, spotlighting the work of Pollock and de Kooning at The Jewish Museum until September 21st. Hop the 6 train and take notes. Your conversation points will sky-rocket, I promise
There’s the Action/Abstraction exhibit, spotlighting the work of Pollock and de Kooning at The Jewish Museum until September 21st. Hop the 6 train and take notes. Your conversation points will sky-rocket, I promise
Play Hard To Get
Yeah, I know I once said “Don’t Play Hard To Get”, but we’re talking about young, impressionable people here. Intensity and cautiousness don’t exactly trade-off with great ease. Once you find your in, leave off. Don’t follow her around like a puppy. If you are at a party, give her signs that she’s not the only priority in the room. That being said, don’t abandon her, either. Remember: there are many horny dudes in undergrad. Once it’s clear she’s into you and wants to stay in close proximity, get a little territorial. It’s warranted… just don’t start any bar fights.
Other Gentleman Titles
Let Her Talk
That all being said about being confident and seeming passionate: when she starts to talk, shut-up. Shut-upshut-upshut-upshut-up. Don’t say anything to her that doesn’t seem like: a) you’re not listening, b) it’s not going to be funny, or c) the opportunity presents itself for you to say anything. When option c does present itself, don’t talk for long. The key is to say just enough that’ll make her want to talk more and get a good impression of you. In other words, talk about your major and why you love it. Don’t go into any tedious details. You care about what you’re studying – that’s all she needs to know.
wikiHow's "How To Talk To A Woman"
Where would I be without you Wiki?
East Village Radio Music Festival on Saturday, September 6th
Now in it’s fifth year, the internet-based radio station, East Village Radio, kicks off it’s up-and-coming one-day music fest at South Street Seaport. Want to discover the next Belle & Sebastian? This would be a good place to start. It’s Saturday, September 6th at 1:00 p.m. KRS-One hosts the entire event.
South Street Seaport
Fulton St & South St, Manhattan, NY 10038
Indie rock on the waterfront.
Indie rock on the waterfront.
Buy Her A Drink
This obviously violates my “Don’t Buy Her A Drink” Rule. But also – that’s the real world, this is college; things are a bit simpler. With all the “awesome” specials bars seem to roll out for students (plus the simple fact that the house party has made a comeback), it’s a standard act of chivalry to make sure the lady remains well-soused. Just do it. It’s expected of you when you’re both in your early twenties and don’t know any better.
"Oh, uh... thank you?"
When you are going out of your way to buy her something from the bar, be careful with your choice. You’d be surprised what it says about you.
PBR
“Here, drink this – it’ll get you drunker.”
Bud Light
“Here, drink this – it’ll get you drunker, but at a slower pace.”
Cranberry and Vodka
“Esquire magazine told me that sexy people drink this.”
Martini
“My sister told me the girls on Sex and The City love this thing.”
Bucket of Everclear
“Let’s get this party started – woot!”
BarVespa
1609 Second Avenue New York, NY 10028
Want to really impress your co-ed conquest? Take her to BarVespa. This wine bar offers a lounge atmosphere, live DJs, and an extensive wine menu. Look, it’s not your forte – I know – but it can’t hurt to pretend like you know something. You’d be surprised the kind of impression you can make when, y’know, try.
From One Bed To Another...
Take What You Can Get Sometimes (Sleep With At Least One Crazy Girl)
I’m only imparting this advice to you, because if you don’t sleep with a crazy girl now; you will at some point in the future. Better that it happen now, and you learn early. Is she hot? Oh my God, yes. But she’s got daddy issues. Or she likes to play with fire (literally). Or – the worse – she won’t leave you alone. Look, it’s not pretty, but it happens to all of us. I purposefully posted this picture of Courtney Love to prove that even the craziest of crazy girls can look drop-dead gorgeous to anybody. Just make sure you fall off the face of the planet as soon as possible.
1849
183 Bleecker St, New York, NY 10012
With this being an NYU undergrad cesspool, you’re bound to land with a certified hottie nutjob. Just remember, like Nancy Regan said: be smart, don’t start.
With this being an NYU undergrad cesspool, you’re bound to land with a certified hottie nutjob. Just remember, like Nancy Regan said: be smart, don’t start.
1849
Let the hedonism begin.
New York's Village Halloween Parade, Friday, October 31st
The one night that all of Greenwich Village truly turns into a hellpit: Halloween. The Halloween Parade is famous for bringing out the crazy in everybody. That being said, it’s still quite a bit of debauched fun. Experience at least once… and then make your own call after that.
- |
- |
- |
- |
- share this
.jpg "PaulT")
-
Oh, thank you Gspot. You’ve saved me. No more unwanted leg-humping from me, no no.
.jpg "Chelsea")
-
This guide is outstanding. I think the ladies need their own version as well. :)
Add Our Widget To Your Site
.jpg)
Discussions