Who Are Your Geek Crushes?

Layla Kayleigh

This British import hosts The Feed segment on G4’s daily geekfest Attack of The Show. She also does something on MTV with A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell, but in lieu of googling her name for more information on something I don’t care about, I’ve decided to ogle this picture for the next 2 minutes instead.

Seven of Nine

I can think of at least six women from Star Trek that could grace the increasingly sexy columns of this guide, but for me, Seven of Nine takes the cake. Still, I can’t help but wonder how many “assimilate me” pick-up lines the actress (Jeri Ryan) has had to endure over the years. More than that, I wonder if any of them actually have a chance in hell of working, because I literally have like 30 of them that could be ready at a moments notice.

Lara Croft

Lara has been part of gaming culture since the mid 90’s, and there’s no sign of her going away anytime soon. She’s been reimagined into comics, spun off into movies, and had horrible, dirty things done to her by aspiring Internet artists worldwide. In that respect, she’s kind of like a muse, using her wicked CGI sexuality to lure you in, just before finishing you off with her dual Hecklers. I can live with that.

Edward Cullen

I still don’t get this — most likely because I wouldn’t be caught dead reading any of the Twilight books — but God help me from the women of the Internet if I were to exclude this guy. My wife says it has little to do with him being a vampire, and more to do with him basically being the most sweet and perfect man ever. Oh, and she also said that she would leave me for him without a second of hesitation. Which might not have been so bad to hear had it not been written inside the Valentine’s Day card she gave me.

Slave Leia

Not Princess Leia, or Leia rocking the side buns — SLAVE Leia. As in she’s yours for the taking. Considering her current owner is a fat douchey giant slug, your odds are looking pretty damn good right about now. Even chaining her to the foosball table in your Mom’s basement has got to be considered a step up at this point.

Selene

From the vampire action porn series Underworld, I can only imagine that she would mess you up in the most fantastic ways imaginable. And yes, I realize that bad-ass girls appear to be a recurring theme, both in this guide and my life; something I wouldn’t trade for all the therapy in the world.

Steve Carell

Something about his persona tells me he is geek on the outside, animal in the sack on the inside. Yummy!

Mary Jane Watson

The #1 superhero girlfriend of all time. She may be a supermodel, but she doesn’t mind hand washing Spiderman’s threads from time-to-time. Loving, supportive, independent – oh wait, did I mention that she’s a supermodel? How do you sweeten the deal? Cast my uber-geek crush Kirsten Dunst as her in the Spiderman movies.

Tina Fey

Did you hear that? It was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor. Never mind that she’s got a kid, is married, and produces a hit TV show – there’s nothing to be intimidated about with her. Just hot, hot geek appeal.

Natalie Portman

Not only was she the geek babe in Star Wars, she also went to Harvard.

Silk Spectre II

If they need volunteers to watch the Watchmen by all means sign me up.

He may be a wee little Ginger, but he looks like he could handle things in the bedroom and make me laugh at the same time.

Opie's Daughter

Her name’s Bryce Dallas Howard, which makes her the daughter of Opie from The Andy Griffith Show and Ritchie from Happy Days; two outrageously dorky characters. I first saw her in Lars Von Trier’s Manderlay – the entirely sound stage-acted sequel to Dogville – which is an art geek overload. She was in Spiderman 3 and will soon be seen in Terminator Salvation – nerdy as hell. God damn she’s hot.

Oh, and she’s a ginger too. Except in Spiderman, which I did not appreciate.

Kevin Rose

He’s the founder of Digg.com and star of Diggnation. And he’s totally adorable. I love cute boys who do nerdy things. He likes good beer too, so how could I not love him??

Pete Cashmore

Seriously? No one has added Mr. Mashable yet?

Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Ladies, I totally get the appeal here: bald head, great accent, and lots of commanding power. The sweet, glorious POWER!

Jon Stewart

What is it about Jon Stewart that has women across the web declaring him their someday boyfriend? I’m inclined to say it’s all about the money, but it turns out that women really do think funny is sexy. Who knew?

Mike Rowe

Yes, he’s a dirty boy. Of course I had to say it. He’s also a geek brethren, and hosts one of my favorite shows (Dirty Jobs) on my favorite channel (Discovery). Not to mention that when I searched for a picture of him, it suggested “Mike Rowe shirtless.” Pretend all you want ladies, but Google tells no tall tales.

Seth Rogan

Furthering my theory that funny is indeed sexy is awkward stoner geek elite Seth Rogan. Even if funny and geeky isn’t enough for you ladies, word on the interwebs is that he’s beefing up for his upcoming role as The Green Hornet. Meaning not only is he funny, rich, and has an awesome jew-fro, he’s soon to be in better shape than I’ll ever come close to.

Shit.

Martian Manhunter

I know he doesn’t look like much. Then again, maybe you’re into green, bulbous-headed men from another planet. Oh, did I forget to remind you that he’s a shapeshifter, so he could essentially be any of the guys (or girls really) on this list? Take your pick; the face of Edward Cullen, the body of Mike Rowe, and the perfectly-enunciating accent of Jea-Luc Picard. Talk about a dream date.

Xander

Maybe I’m out-of-touch with today’s youth culture, but it was only a decade ago that this kid was the heartthrob of every geeky girl. Oh God, 1999… Jeez, I’m old.

Michael Cera

If he serenaded me with that song from Juno, I’d totally have his babies.

Trash

The pink-haired siren from Return of the Living Dead, Trash met an unfortunate and early demise at the hand of multiple zombie attackers. Thankfully that was after she fantasized about it while dancing naked atop a gravesite. As a bonus, Trash came back as a naked zombie… and I’m going to have to give that a big thumbs up.

Bear Grylls

I’m not sure if Bear is a nerd (he wrestles with alligators and eats bugs, which makes him crazy, but I don’t know about nerdy…), but I’m putting him on here because he has a show on the Discovery Channel. And because I love him.

Chris Gorham

Chris played Henry on Ugly Betty. He’s adorable! He cracks cheesy jokes, but he’s genuine. He could probably fix my Mac in a minute. Plus he’s pretty hot without the glasses. Hell…even with the glasses….

Colin Firth

He always seems to play awkward characters. But I still have a geek crush on him! BIG TIME!

Hal Sparks

I never thought I was the type of person to run up to a celebrity screaming and cooing, until I saw Hal Sparks at Mel’s Diner one night. “Ohmigod, Halsparks! I loved you on Talk Soup. You are a genius!” etc. etc. His girlfriend really loved me.

Christopher Hitchens

No, he is not the most handsome of men, but:

“Faith is the surrender of the mind; it’s the surrender of reason, it’s the surrender of the only thing that makes us different from other mammals. It’s our need to believe, and to surrender our skepticism and our reason, our yearning to discard that and put all our trust or faith in someone or something, that is the sinister thing to me. Of all the supposed virtues, faith must be the most overrated. "

That: is sooooo sexy.

Jamie Bamber

I could only find him in a towel. Oh well.