Warning: This guide may cause nightmares

Jedi Squirrels

Show me someone who’s never felt suspicious of those shifty-eyed tree-dwellers and I’ll show you a liar! They prance around judging you with their evil little eyes. More times than not they dart in front of your car just to piss you off. If they’re capable of this, just imagine what they’d be like if they got their little claws on some lightsabers.

The thing in the toilet

I always worry about something grabbing me from inside of a toilet. Like an alligator or dead person’s hand. You NEVER know! And of course this would only happen in a public bathroom when I’m completely alone – because you know, that happens SO often.

Peach Fuzz

I knew that my stepdad and I would share a weird bond some day. Well my Guidespot friends, that day has come. I am not the only one in my family with irrational fears! He’s afraid of peach fuzz. Yeah I don’t get it either, but I’ve learned not to question him.

Tsunami

If I didn’t live in Pennsylvania maybe it wouldn’t be so irrational. But. Well. I live in Pennsylvania.

Fireworks

Debbie-Downer here is terrified of the boom from fireowrks.

I used to live up the hill from AT&T Park in SF . . . every time the Giants won, I would end up underneath the coffee table thinking that Iran bombed us.

EVERY time.

Needless to say, this is even more embarrassing when you have four roommates.

Dentist Lamps

Now this might make me seem nuts. Going to the dentist is a terrifying experience, but not because of what’s going on in my mouth. No, no. Instead I’m terrified of the lamp falling on me. I mean look at it! Really look at it!!! That thing is hanging over my face and is supported by a thin neck. What if it cracks?

Buba

Buba is a very dark take on the tooth fairy. Supposedly you’re supposed to keep it around a it is a personal guardian against imaginary threats. Well those monsters under my bed ain’t got nothin’ on Buba! Do you see those teeth? Those are real teeth from children. Children!!! How is this stupid little statue supposed to make me less afraid of irrational fears?

And eggs!

He’s also afraid of eggs. Now I’m not sure if it’s all eggs or just sunnyside-up eggs.

MOTHS (yes, fragile & non-poisonous moths)

Don’t know why, but these harmless creatures scare me. They flock around the porch light on summer nights. I fear they will land on me or get stuck in my hair when I am trying to unlock the door and get in the house. Gives me goosebumps.

L Ron Hubbard

OK, this one is kinda rational. Dude’s straight freaky.

Pigeons

This is literally my worst fear. I fucking hate pigeons.