Baby Dust Mops & Other Fun Ways To Exploit Your Little Tot!

Get your little dustbunny involved with the housework!

Talk about pure asthma-attack fun!

...Or giant teacups?

Thanks, Anne Geddes!

Be sure to test your tyke's flexibility before carving leg holes.

Pretend to serve your baby for dinner.

As if Thanksgiving weren't stressful enough!

Dress your baby up as a fascist dictator.

Try out a novelty pacifier.

This stupid baby is none the wiser of his embarrassing appearance. What a loser.

For the most unruly babies: The baby cage is this year's hottest accessory.

Baby not sufficiently traumatized by mullet wig?

They don't have too much use for their legs, anyway...

They don't have the motor skills to remove dreadlock hats.

They're not developed enough to realize that Star Wars is totally boring.

Oops! Did I type that aloud?

They're slightly cuter than Yoda.

Even though I’m a Star Wars hater, I can’t bring myself to dislike cute little Yoda!

They are easily replaceable when lost.

Mom will never know.

They have a sense of humor about bird flu.

Allow Anne Geddes to sink her talons into her chubby little cheeks.

There’s nothing more demoralizing than getting poked in the eye by your brother’s fiant flower pedal hat.

Foam core sprinkles and paper towel roll candle hats always teach a lesson.

Administer Donald Trump wig.

Adhesive mohawks.

Green spandex straightjackets.

Place your baby in nebulous cavities not meant for human beings.

Like buckets. This is for when your floor needs a really deep cleaning.

Vegetable cavities are even better.

Produce hats are always a plus.

Don't forget to garnish the plate.

Part of your raw food diet.

Or George Jefferson.

Facial hair and premature balding are every baby’s favorite.

Or a cleverly disguised leashe.

Just enter him into a little boy pageant!

...There's an easy way to get them to stop kicking.

...Or their hands for that matter.

They don't understand the implications of evil.

You can enjoy beloved film characters w/o being freaked out by Gene Wilder.

Check out those kicks too. Pretty legit.

They can scare off intruders just as well as your average rotweiler.

Tell him that he looks good in this.

It’s all fun and games until you show this photo to his senior prom date.

Make her crawl in one of these.

Take away his Otter Pop.

Give him the "birds & the bees" talk via Pooh allegory.

“…When a bear and a donkey love each other very much…”

inundate him with love for piercings and screamo bands at early age.

…Perhaps a ying yang or sandskrit sleeve tattoo while you’re at it.