Guide for the Many, the Brave, the Uninsured in New York City

I have always found the flavors at Zen Palate to be a bit bland; I’ve just never been able to get excited about tofu. But those who love Zen Palate (particularly vegans and vegetarians) stand proudly by it. I will dine here when I feel my body needs to recover from a stretch of undernourishment. I never doubt that what I’m eating here would make Popeye proud.

There is a reason the tradition of steam baths is centuries old. The health benefits should far outweigh any trepidation at the thought of partially disrobing among strangers in a city like New York. After a tough day at the gym, an epic night out, or a cold winter’s day, sweating in public is a great way to relax your muscles, expel unwanted toxins, and increasing circulation.

To stock up on really fresh foods that are guaranteed to be full of the good things your body needs and not full of preservatives and other unhelpful fillers, visit the Amish Market on Ninth Avenue. And if the prices seem steep, just think of the doctor’s bill you’re avoiding with all of this healthy living. You can justify the expense by collecting at least two meals in delectable samples alone.

A tad overpriced? Eh. Delicious? Yeah. This Guidespotter recommends Josie’s Warm Macadamia-crusted Natural Chicken Breast Salad. It’s as if someone stood in the “build your own salad” line and happened to pick out all of your favorite things. (Plus, you got to avoid passive-aggressive glances from that woman who thought you were trying to infiltrate the sandwich line.) Bravo.

From children’s chewables to Kava Kava Root, the Vitamin Shoppe has all of the right tablets to supplement your sub-par eating habits.

There’s no sugar coating this one; your planned visit to Planned Parenthood is not going to lift your spirits. First, you will be reminded of just how many psychos there are in the world when you enter the building, proving in every way possible that you are not traveling with any explosives on your person. Then you will sit amongst teenagers who are skipping school for the very reason there is such extensive security in this building. The doctors here have honed a different kind of bedside manner that comes with running the McDonald’s version of an OBGYN practice, but their patience and acumen is a testament to their dedication.

Central Park is your very own free playground, with the Great Lawn and Sheep’s Meadow to play pickup games in, baseball fields, and plenty of road to run on. You can really feel like Marathon Man if you take advantage of the park’s reservoir, located approximately between 86th and 96th Streets. The track surrounding the water is 1.58 miles, and you’ll feel great about sprinting past that guy in a fancy runner’s getup until you realize this poor bastard’s on his seventh lap! Don’t worry, you’ll get there.

This place is so packed after work hours you’d think they were giving the food away for free. But Whole Foods is the chain we’ve come to know and trust for all of our healthy household needs. This location is particularly convenient for those in midtown or coming down from upper Manhattan on an express train.

The American Lung Association has plenty of free tips and resources to help New Yorkers kick this nasty habit to the curb.