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Make a Cozy Winter Fire and Start Snuggling
- by improbable
- -
- February 19, 2009
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Home cuddling accidents claim hundreds of innocent lives every year. Educate yourself beforehand and don't let yourself become a statistic.
Cuddle preparations
It’s wintertime in Seattle. That means it’s time to exit the casual dating world, pick your winners, and seattle down with a snuggle partner for the season.
Cuddling is at its best on a cold night in front of a warm fire. Follow these tips and keep your own fires burning.
The Seattle Dating Cycle
Dating in Seattle is at its best during the summer. We venture out to experience our three or four months of sunshine, winter bouts of depression finally evaporate, we sit outside and drink, we’re wearing fewer clothes anyway, and things just happen.
Winter is the opposite. You spent the summer placing your bets, now pick your winners and simplify. Decide on the lucky winner who will keep your bed warm during those chilly midnight trips to the bathroom, and cut the others loose.
Remember, if you love something, set it free.
Intersection
How not to break up
If you’ve planned in advance, you’ll have some breaking up to do in autumn. And as long as you’re planning in advance, here’s where not to do it.
For the procrastinators
If your summer hunting season has been less than successful, then this is crunch time. If you can’t bag one and tag one by Thanksgiving, you’d better hope the groundhog doesn’t see his shadow, because those will be six more lonely weeks of winter.
Fortunately, we’ve got some advice for you.
In Call Escorts
1122 3rd Ave, Seattle, WA 98101
You’re not that desperate, are you?
You’re not that desperate, are you?
Gather supplies
Wood, matches, newspaper? Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of a big fluffy blanket. A fur throw rug (faux fur, of course – this is Seattle!) for the floor isn’t a bad idea either.
Oh, a corkscrew and bottle of wine within reaching distance would be a nice touch. But no two-buck Chuck, cheapskate.
A seasoned professional demonstrates.
Pike and Western Wine Merchants
1934 Pike Pl, Seattle, WA 98101
Avoid wine in boxes, no matter how space efficient it looks.
Avoid wine in boxes, no matter how space efficient it looks.
Cowboys and Indians
There are two competing theories on initial wood placement. While, the “teepee” method is certainly acceptable, the “log cabin” has become the defacto standard as a result of its simplicity and scalability.
Ready to burn.
Rei-Recreational Equipment Inc
222 Yale Ave N, Seattle, WA 98109
Camp stoves are available for the lazy, just know she won’t respect you in the morning.
Camp stoves are available for the lazy, just know she won’t respect you in the morning.
Just add cuddles.
Lighting techniques
There are several lighting techniques in common usage:
“The Boy Scout” – The minimalist approach. Nothing but a pair of sticks. Often bundled with an air of superiority. "The Pragmatist" – You’re done with that newspaper anyway, why not set it on fire? Favored by novices, the pragmatic approach often takes several attempts, but burning paper is so much fun that no one really cares.
“The Pyromanic” – Unsuitable for mixed company, this approach is commonly indulged in when groups of men gather outdoors to sear meat together. Iit is mentioned here only for the sake of completeness.
The Boyscout
The Pragmatist
The Pyromaniac
Snuggle snacks
Snacking while snuggling is usually a no-no, but is smiled upon when fire is involved. My recommendation is s’mores, but apples and cheese are also acceptable. And of course, strawberries and champagne are always a safe if unoriginal fallback.
Proper s’more technique involves placing the chocolate near the fire to melt over the graham cracker. Amateurs often forget this key step.
Seattle's Best Baked Goods
Trophy Cupcake’s s’more cupcakes are a more than acceptable alternative.
Cuddle Technique
You’ll want to practice this ahead of time – rearranging in the heat of the moment is never easy. Plan ahead for when your secondary arm (aka downside arm) falls asleep. In addition to the classic spoon, you’ll want to familiarize yourself with the butter knife, the Boston soup spoon, the over-under, and the inverse swizzle stick. Cuddle responsibly and remember that spooning often leads to forking.
Note the careful limb placement. An excellent spoon.
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