A Father's Simple Guide to Realizing You're No Longer Hip
By davidh
updated 19 days ago
It happens eventually. And with kids in your house, it's for good reason. You just grow out of hipness- that cognizant or sensible awareness of fashion, women, music and other concerns youthful. But the cold simple truth is sometimes jolting.
But it happens so slowly...
It starts with your fiance and the hiding of some of your beer nuts t-shirts. Then your wife fixes some of your age-appropriate clothing choices. After the kids, the music was too loud and your jokes, too filthy…
#1 That was Then: You Watched 120 Minutes Like a Religion
You knew every song by The Replacements. You knew what KMFDM really stands for. You remember the fat Bob Mould of Husker Du.
“When I say I love you you say you better. You better you better you bet” You wore out the tracks on AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. Your volume went to 11.
#3 Then: Twin Tone, Epitaph, Uplift Mofo Party Plan...
You had numerous CD’s/cassettes from small record labels.
The Cure was passe.
You heard of Fishbone in ‘86.
You owned Freaky Styley.
#4 Then: You Had to Be There.
I still have the shirt from The Joshua Tree Tour’s first leg. And it was worn daily back in ‘87. I remember seeing The Replacements with only 200 people. And I saw more than one Dead show in a row even though all the songs sounded the same to me. I even traveled once from show to show.
I remember this one time, see, we went to Vegas to celebrate my friend Steve C’s bachelor party… ...and we went to this place called Olympic Gardens and my friend, T.O., see he met this dancer…
I remember this one time, see, we went to Vegas to celebrate my friend Steve C’s bachelor party… ...and we went to this place called Olympic Gardens and my friend, T.O., see he met this dancer…
Yes, I was there, on Saturday June 9th, 2001. I saw the Cup being raised by Ray Bourque. In fact, I was in this building 38 times that season watching hockey at $128 per ticket. That was a good year. Yes, that was a very good year.
Yes, I was there, on Saturday June 9th, 2001. I saw the Cup being raised by Ray Bourque. In fact, I was in this building 38 times that season watching hockey at $128 per ticket. That was a good year. Yes, that was a very good year.
If I had a dollar for every dollar I spent at the Goose, I’d have a lot of dollars. The Goosetown is a good ‘ole fashion semi-dive bar in the sticky part of Colfax. Not too dive but not too nice. And the girls are pretty cute.
If I had a dollar for every dollar I spent at the Goose, I’d have a lot of dollars. The Goosetown is a good ‘ole fashion semi-dive bar in the sticky part of Colfax. Not too dive but not too nice. And the girls are pretty cute.
# 6 Then: Fashion! Turn to the left
We are the goon squad and we’re coming to town. Beep-beep.
Fashion in my younger days was an almost comic yet deliberate, cognitive black-infused sloppy. If that makes sense.
The hair: Messy styled just so.
The clothes: Black t-shirt to prove I am not into fashion and a bad-ass because it’s a black. Ya know.
The shoes: Vans. Even though I don’t own a skate board. Well I do. It’s plastic, about 14 inches long and from 1974.
And the Reason You Just Don't Miss the Old You
Not even one tiny iota bit.
It’s hip to be square.
This is Theodore Louis. He’s my youngest. He likes to eat, crawl, climb and, well, eat.
This is Ian David Winston. He’s a plucky almost 3-year old who dreams of being a ‘Monster Truck Driver’ when he’s older. Me too.
...and without knowing it
...you turn to NPR and leave it on the radio. You stop reading The Onion. You forget to check what bands are at The Ogden one week, then the next. You realize that having unique musical taste is not a badge of coolness.
#1 This is Now: You Watch The Backyardigans Twice Per Day.
The first episode comes on at 7 am. But you’ve probably been up an hour already. You think Tasha can really sing. You think Tyrone is a little cocky. Austin seems to get the short end of the stick script-wise. But your favorite is Pablo.
...of the world’s most irritating, over-joyed, smiling, god-forsaken wealthy band. And if you don’t get this song out of your head soon, you will end up at the post office with a glock.
#3 Now: Your DVD Collection Looks Shiny and Costly
And it’s full of Finding Nemo, Cinderella, The Letter Factory, Elmo’s New Playhouse, etc…
You are really starting to like that movie Cars. Heh. Heh. That funny Mater.
#4 Now: Itsy bitsy spider comes up the water spout....
And he can do the hand jesters as well! That’s so flippin’ cool. And to be only two and be able to sing the ABC Song is a true sign I have a prodigy on my hands.
And he counts! Yah, yah, he misses 6 or 7 every time and sometimes skips to 10 if he’s sick of his dad telling him to count.
They cringe when I show up with my two boys. You see, one eats with his hands and the other ain’t so good with a fork. And I just get up and leave the mess to them. Ha!
They cringe when I show up with my two boys. You see, one eats with his hands and the other ain’t so good with a fork. And I just get up and leave the mess to them. Ha!
Yep, every darn day with Ian. This pool or the other ‘kiddy’ pool. And it’s just starting again with Ted. On a side note, swim diapers keep the poops from floating all over the pool. Did you know that?
Yep, every darn day with Ian. This pool or the other ‘kiddy’ pool. And it’s just starting again with Ted. On a side note, swim diapers keep the poops from floating all over the pool. Did you know that?
My ‘tattoo’ phase resulted in some tattoos. They led to the following conversation. My son: What’s that? Me: That’s Daddy’s tattoo. My son: That’s ugly. Can I draw on you too?
My ‘tattoo’ phase resulted in some tattoos. They led to the following conversation. My son: What’s that? Me: That’s Daddy’s tattoo. My son: That’s ugly. Can I draw on you too?
And this is me as Dad. Had I known fatherhood could bring this overwhelming wonderfulness, unconditional joyfulness and altogether happiness to my life, I would’ve left any hope of hipness to the doofuses of the world many years ago.
Brought to you by Guidespot.comCopyright 2008 - Local Matters Inc.
.jpg)
.jpg "I Probably Shouldn't have been allowed to Watch This as a Kid")
.jpg "Your Guide to Dad Shirts")
.jpg "Father's Day: Your Boston Gift Guide")
.jpg "Animals Riding Things: It's That Simple")
.jpg "Living \"THE SECRET\" Part TWO")
.jpg "How Cute Is Your Grandpa?")
.jpg "davidh")
.jpg "15 Forgotten 80’s Tunes That We All Still Love")
.jpg "Guidespud's Excellent (albeit short) Cape Cod Family Vacation")
.jpg "Mini Cooper Road tripping Denver to Vegas Via Steamboat. Ha!")
.jpg "A Guide about Something. Something Very Important.")
.gif "9 Best Blends of 80’s Music and Hair")
.jpg "A Guide to Theodore's Baptism")
.jpg)
