10 Blatant Lies, Excuses, & Alibis to Get you out of any Responsibility

10) You Went to the Wrong Place/Got Lost

Oops, you missed the whole event? Too bad that your phone was dead and/or didn’t get service (oh, yeah don’t forget that your phones dead and/or didn’t get service). Transportation pops up on this list a few times because it wasn’t like you didn’t want to BE there, it’s just that you couldn’t GET there.

If you got completely lost, then your night actually went pretty blyad and they need to cut you a little slack. “Get off my back already!!!”

7) Work

“I had to work” is effective for ditching parties and things of that sort, especially the “I had to work at the last minute” or “stay later” excuse.

Keep in mind that this will not get you out of work for obvious reasons. If the problem is with a job that wants you to work on a day that you wouldn’t normally work the, “I have to work at my other job” excuse will work, however.

’I’m not even supposed to be here today."

5) Had to take someone else to the Hospital

Taking someone else to the hospital still warrants an emergency important enough to bail out on an event or responsibility but it takes less follow up and effort than claiming that you had to go to the hospital yourself. You might have to answer future questions like, “How’s your friend doing” with simple answers like, “I haven’t talked to him lately but he’s doing better, I think.” but you won’t have to constantly remember not to use that wrist or to limp on that ankle.

3) Scabies

Look at the photo, it’s vile. If you use the excuse of having something contagious and especially, something as disgusting as scabies, no body even wants to talk about it. “Why would anyone lie about something like this anyway?” It’s true, most people wouldn’t admit to it. That’s what makes it work so well.

I used this one in combination with “lady problems”. First, I was pulled over without insurance and then I blew off the court date. I wrote a letter to the court explaining that the only reason I got into my car was to drive my girlfriend to the store because she was menstruating. I further explained that I had scabies and couldn’t make it to the court date. They rescheduled it and when I got to court and tried to talk about it, the judge was so grossed out that she just agreed to giving me the community service that I requested and which I later had written off through a friend’s non-profit.

2) Car Broke Down

Saying your car wouldn’t start is good but saying that your car broke down or that you locked the key inside is much better. This is because, when these things happen, you have a new responsibility. When it won’t start at home, there are still ways to get to the necessary location if it’s important enough. When it happens on the side of the road, however, you have a whole new set of problems to deal with.

Try stepping it up a notch by adding something like, “I know, it sucks. I was on my way to pick up my mom’s heart medication before coming by but I couldn’t even make it to the pharmacy in time.” Now you’ve missed something even more important at the same time. They should feel guilty pursuing their inquiry.

9) Food Poisoning

Being sick is a good excuse but having the flu or a cold is too generic. If you do have the flu or a cold, they can piss off, but if you are going to lie, then lie. Food poisoning is random and incapacitating enough that it works. It also puts the blame on someone else which is always great, especially if it’s a random unknown entity. You could have gotten sick any where.

Added benefits of the food poisoning excuse are that it can hit you without much of a warning and that it won’t take you out of the game for too long. This means that you can be caught hanging out somewhere else within a day or two and still look honest. Like anything on here, if you actually have had this excuse happen legitimately in the past, it’s easier to pull of by sprinkling it with little details from your memory.

8) Missed Bus/Ride Didn't Come Through

“I missed the bus” or “Steve never showed up until it was way too late” are other excuses that work. I’ve actually had a bus driver that would regularly drive right past me because he was a dick. In many situations it’s better not to show up at all if you can’t get there on time so, why not point out that you are aware of that and that you weren’t able to arrive in time for your attendance to still matter.

Not everyone rides the bus but you can still use the ride routine differently. Perhaps you got stuck somewhere with someone that needed to take you to the event directly from another location or that would have needed to drive you home first to get your own car. I’ve been stuck places that I wanted to leave but, based on the fact that I wasn’t driving, I got myself trapped there for way too long. It’s happened more times than I could count and it can be pretty frustrating. The good part is that it can also be utilized as a great fake excuse. It was completely out of your hands, man.

6) Threw Your Back Out

Like many of these, they’ve actually happened. That is why they make such believable excuses. I was on my way out the door to go to work and I froze up. I hadn’t been working there very long and needed money, so I tried to get back to work as soon as possible. It still took me a few days before I could do anything again and, when I did get back, I had to avoid going at certain tasks full-force.

The great thing about having it as an excuse is that there is no set time that throwing your back out is going to last, necessarily. Use the next few days to blow off some other responsibilities while your at it. Avoid the people that you’ve ditched out on during this time and, by the time you do see them, the event you ducked out on will be old news.

When it happened to me, it came out of no where. This also means that it is totally legitimate to use it as an excuse without having to come up with an elaborate situation behind it.

1) Someone Died

Being one of the oldest excuses ever used to dodge responsibility, “Someone Died” is such a messed up lie that people won’t call you out on it but they won’t necessarily believe you either. If you can sell it, you should be able to swing this one without any problem. The trouble is that you also lose a little bit of your soul along the way.

This card should only be pulled if completely necessary. If you’re planning to claim that the dead someone is you, the situation needs to be “serious” and the excuse “seriously” needs to be used as a last resort. Basically, what I’m saying is that it’s a “serious” move and you need to have some “serious” dedication to get away with it without getting caught. This isn’t one that people forgive when they find out you’ve lied. If they find out that you are still alive, they may actually try to kill you.