"I'd Love To, But...": Your Favorite Excuses

by gillians
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February 06, 2009
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It's not that I'm irresponsible (I am) or misanthropic (I really am), but I often find myself in need of excuses. Whether it was faking a stomachache in 6th grade because I hadn't colored in my maps of Canada yet or faking a cold because I had four too many gin an tonics on a Tuesday night, it usually comes down to pretending to be sick. But, maybe yours are a little more creative? apple photo via flickr (frenchadmiralfreak10)

CRAMPS

This is excuse works great in a lot of scenarios. Gym class is the classic example, but it also works wonders if you ever have to make an excuse to a guy. For instance, you need to cancel a date because something better came along or call in sick to your male boss — you say the word “cramps” and chances are they are not going to ask any more questions.

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"Gillian is Stalking Me Again"

No matter where I travel to, this never ceases to be a viable excuse (not counting Singapore, where she is considered a national treasure). Although I almost feel bad using it some times, due to the genuine concern people show upon learning about my potentially disastrous situation.

added by JayFerris 10/31/2008

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Sick

“I cannot go to school today,”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay,
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash, and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more—that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue—
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke—
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is—what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is—-Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”

—Shel Silverstein

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gillians

Los Feliz

Favorite Food: Sashimi Favorite Cocktail: Old Fashioned Favorite Cheese: Brie Favorite Bar: Open Favorite Film/Dog: Annie Hall Favorite Pastime: Not Getting Pregnant Favorite Fake Band: Alison and the Autistic Lesbians Favorite Spot: G