Everyday Mishaps in New York City

by Chelsea - October 24, 2008

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Some days I wonder WHERE on Earth the candid camera crew is, because I'm ready for them to come out and say, "don't worry, it was all a big joke!" I'm not sure if it's "waking up on the wrong side of the bed" or if it's written in the stars to be a complete disaster sometimes, but we all have those days where we feel like the jokes on us. It is true; when it rains it pours...you get pulled over and get a ticket, which then makes you late for work, which makes you run, which makes you break a heel and then spill coffee on your blouse. We've all bee there, here's how we can DEAL with the unavoidable mishaps.

Where are my glasses????

There are many times when my glasses are on my face and I still can’t seem to find them. I did this about five minutes ago actually. This is why I stick to contacts but for those people that are loyal “glasses” wearing people, they also have to deal with the inconvenient factors of wearing glasses; like losing them. Or breaking them. My own Mother is notorious for ALWAYS having a pair of glasses with one side missing. Though it’s quirky and cute, because she’s my Mother- it looks ridiculous.

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Artsee Eyewear

863 Washington St New York, NY 10014

Just because it’s spelled different, it’s more fun to say. Artsee eyewear is seariously, artsy. Eyeglasses are a form of expression just like clothing, so why not wear somethign totally outrageous to bring the attention to those baby blues or greens or..browns?

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You get caught IN THE ACT

“THE ACT” that you’re caught in may differ from person to person;

1. You get caught xeroxing your arse at your office.
2. You get caught cheating.
3. You get caught stealing someone else’s lunch from the lunch room.
4. You get caught watching porn.
5. You get caught…….YOU FILL IN THE BLANK, the list is endless.

Here are your options when “caught in the act”;

1.Denial, is really effective “IT WASN’T ME.” or “I DIDN’T DO IT.”

2. Admit it and feel like a tool.

Pretty sure those are your only options. Go with #1.

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The Innocence Project

100 5th Ave New York, NY 11217

Ok, on a more serious note….if you’re supposedly caught in an act a bit more serious than xeroxing your arse, and you really DIDN’T do it, The Innocence Project helps the wrongfully accused.

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I gotta RUN

Whenever television is trying to portray a woman as being “classless” or somewhat of a disaster they have her chewing gum and they give her a run in her tights. But, ANY woman can get a run in her pantyhose, snags happen! Once it’s done it’s done, though there are some things you can do like using clear nail polish to paint around the edges and avoid extra runnage. You can also kick them off and hope that you didn’t forget to shave your legs.

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Forget your money????

Sure, I’ve forgotten my wallet before or left my debit card in another purse and then realized I didn’t have any cash, but this is rare. Here are your options:

1. Roll up those sleeves and start scrubbing dishes in the back.
2. Offer to trade sexual favors for a free meal.
3. Ask for a piece of cardboard and some Magic markers for you can go stand on the street corner and beg for change.

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Floto Leather

345 W. 12th St. Suite 4 New York, NY 10014

Maybe having a fancy leather wallet will give you more incentive to take better care of it and NOT lose it.

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Backbone and Wingspan

115 W. 30th St. #1209 New York, NY 10001

Maybe you wouldn’t be tripping all over the place if you had better posture and GRACE? Eh? Maybe?

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Your clothes are fit for a child......damn dryer.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve shrunken my favorite sweater, pair of pants, etc. It makes you want to cry, I know I’ve been there. What I do now; DON’T DRY ANYTHING. You’ll just need a clothesline and if you can’t have one out doors you can always string one across your apartment, your roommates will love it.

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You get drunk on a date AND stain your shirt

Sometimes when you go on a “first date” or even a second date if you aren’t too comfortable with the person, we tend to have a drink or two to “take the edge off.” The problem with taking the edge off is that once the edge is taken, so if your judgment.

After a couple drinks you’re more likely to have a third/fourth (whatever your tolerance level + one too many) and that’s when the date can REALLY go down the drain. You start saying too much, you knock over a glass of wine on your date, you end up being a sloppy hot mess that your date has to take care of. It’s a terrible sight, really.

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Alpian's Garment Care

325 E. 48th St. New York, NY 11203

There really is nothing worse than spilling a glass of red wine on a brand new blouse. Alpian’s can work miracles when it comes to nasty stains.

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The chicken/turkey may be a bit "crispy"....

Cooking can be boring, especially when you have to cook something like a turkey that requires a lot of TIME and a lot of “watching the pot” so to speak. It isn’t as easy scraping off the burnt pieces of the chicken or turkey as it is on bread so sometimes you may to toss it in the trash and go out for dinner. Don’t feel bad, not everyone can be Betty Crocker.

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The Jive Turkey

441 Myrtle Ave Brooklyn, NY 11205

Your family may actually appreciate trying something different than your same old DRY TURKEY (sorry Mom) every year. How about peach bourbon fried turkey??? Mm mm.

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Do I have food in my teeth?

This is one thing that people with gaps in their teeth can be grateful for. I have braces twice and my teeth are super straight and close together, so they likeliness of me getting a piece of spinach JAMMED in my teeth is highly likely. The worst part? When someone just stares and doesn’t TELL YOU. Do a service to ALL people in the world by telling the next poor guy who has a piece of pepper on his chompers that he needs some floss!

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I SLICED MY FINGER!!!

It’s really easy to slice your finger, it happens. Especially with things like carrots…I mean, carrots look like a finger?….

Here’s what to do if you actually slice your ENTIRE finger off(like my Dad did once…they managed to save it because they took they proper precautions):

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I FACE PLANTED in public

It happens to the BEST of us, really. Now you must get yourself up and dust yourself off. The best thing to do? Laugh at yourself. When you fall and then try to act like it didn’t happen or act all flustered and serious, it’s even more hysterical and embarrassing for you to onlookers.

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Discussions

: by Andrea D 11/19/2008 Reply

The Candid Camera thing never occurred to me. I always assume that this is all a part of black ops psychological study to see how much it takes to make a modern woman crack and start killing infants or something.

: by AlexandraF 11/19/2008 Reply

Here is a funny oops… not really in NYC, but you know… So this friend at my office, I went looking for him on Facebook, because we were friends… I was going to post a funny link on his profile… Well, I couldn’t find him, so I said, “hey, did you delete me as a friend on facebook?” it was funny, he deleted all of his colleagues and I caught him… I could care less, but it was funny how I found out!

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About The Author

Chelsea

Manhattan, New York

Writer. Coast Hopper. Perpetual Dreamer and Achiever. Student of life and Manhattan adventuress... And just in case you're wondering, gangsta rap made me do it.