She's gone. It's over. Just deal with it. What went wrong? I dunno - she wasn't my girlfriend. Every guy in New York has had "a break-up" and "The New York break-up." It's no joke. This is the break-up that leaves a man devastated; sobbing in the corner of his apartment with a bottle of Maker's while Joy Division plays in the background. You have to understand, the New York City he and his ex shared is now officially dead. He might as well move to Denver. For the next three weeks, he will actually contemplate going home with that really desperate chick at work. You know: the kinda cute one who's super-clingy? There's good news that comes with a New York break-up, though: it's fate's way of saying "Time for change." There's more to living in New York than loving a psycho. I mean, have you seen the other women in this city recently? No? Dude...
Ease The Pain
You’re not the only guy who’s been down this path. Books, movies, music, and mayorial campaigns have been created in this city to deal with heartbreak. Your only job right now is to be able to look at her Facebook status without crying.
Things I've Learned...
From The Women Who’ve Dumped Me. Edited by the creator of The Daily Show, Ben Karlin, It features plenty of tales of being hung out to dry in the Big Apple from David Wain (The State), A.J. Jacobs, and even Karlin himself. Read, laugh, and drink conservatively.
Go hunting for Things… at The Strand, NY’s home for 18 miles of new and used literature. Looking to broaden your horizons? Pick up Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman and A Hundred Years Of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. You’ll thank me later.
Go hunting for Things… at The Strand, NY’s home for 18 miles of new and used literature. Looking to broaden your horizons? Pick up Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman and A Hundred Years Of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. You’ll thank me later.
The pain always gets bad before it gets better, and misery loves company. Cloister yourself away in the library and scour the lovelorn texts of Shelley, Houseman, even Ginsberg. Make sure you upload some Morrissey albums to your iPod before you head over.
The pain always gets bad before it gets better, and misery loves company. Cloister yourself away in the library and scour the lovelorn texts of Shelley, Houseman, even Ginsberg. Make sure you upload some Morrissey albums to your iPod before you head over.
Annie Hall
The definitive New York break-up movie, Woody Allen’s Annie Hall will get you through the night. Just remember, it’s a comedy; feel free to laugh.
The Rebound Playlist
It’s been two weeks, time to rebound. Try this playlist to fuel the urge to purge.
“Alison” by Elvis Costello & The Attractions “Without Panasos” by The Anniversary “The Con” by Tegan & Sara “The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room” by Flight of The Conchords “Chips Ahoy!” by The Hold Steady “Cheated Hearts” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Song For The Dumped” by Ben Folds Five “Jaws Theme Swimming” by Brand New “You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Only Think You Do)” by The White Stripes “Quarter To Three” by Bishop Allen “Soft & Warm” by Voxtrot “Deathly” by Aimee Mann “Impossible Germany” by Wilco “The Dress Looks Nice On You” by Sufjan Stevens “Dead Right” by Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin “The K.K.K. Took My Baby Away” by The Ramones “Kissability” by Sonic Youth “Debra” by Beck “Walking To Do” By Ted Leo & The Pharmacists
My New York Break-Up
I met “Emily” in college. It was awesome for the first six months – we stayed together for two years. Suffice to say, you never meet “the one” in college – unless it’s one of those rare chances. As time passed, “Em” and I grew apart but we failed to acknowledge it out of fear. I graduated in 2006 and moved to New York to live in a ratty basement apartment in Queens. Her being from Long Island, we saw each other every weekend and fought constantly. The truth was we had become two very different people and had made too many sacrifices to be with one another. When we did break-up, it was a harrowing aftermath. My girlfriend was gone, all of my friends were out-of-town, and I didn’t want to go running home to my family in South Jersey. For the first two weeks after, I was completely alone in New York City. I missed her, very much so. But I had wanted to live in New York ever since I was fifteen and, by week three, I refused to sit in my apartment and continue feel sorry for myself. There is a period of re-entry into dating that is incredibly frightening. Couple that with learning the inherent politics of dating in New York, and you’re talking about a Sisyphian tragedy. But I assure you, gentlemen, time heals old wounds. I can’t think of any better place to do it than New York City. Where else do you get a ready opportunity to grow and reinvent yourself than here? When I think about my time with “Emily” now, I can’t help but smile. Yes, I was dying inside with her, and I was on life support without her. But New York City was always there to check my charts and change my I.V. Don’t consider loss in this city a failure; consider it permanent life insurance.
Don't Be A Stalker
Time to step back and figure out what you need to do for proper ex-girlfriend detox.
Start with the simplest thing: your morning cup of coffee. The staff at your local Starbucks was probably painfully used to you two canoodling to the sounds of John Mayer at 8:00 in the morning. It’ll be safe to say you and the baristas need to part ways. So try Joe The Art of Coffee, a local Mom and Pop franchise. With five different locations making the best latte in Manhattan, you’ll forget her favorite drink order pretty quick. Did you even really know it to begin with?
Start with the simplest thing: your morning cup of coffee. The staff at your local Starbucks was probably painfully used to you two canoodling to the sounds of John Mayer at 8:00 in the morning. It’ll be safe to say you and the baristas need to part ways. So try Joe The Art of Coffee, a local Mom and Pop franchise. With five different locations making the best latte in Manhattan, you’ll forget her favorite drink order pretty quick. Did you even really know it to begin with?
Next is your night life. When you hang out with your girlfriend 24/7, New York becomes a pretty small scene, so try barhopping in Brooklyn. Get your crew together and hit up Barcade in Williamsburg – home to 20 different microbrews on tap and just as many classic stand-alone arcade games. In between rounds of Spy Hunter, allow your friends to air their grievances about your ex. That’s what friends are for… when they’re not destroying your high score in Donkey Kong.
Next is your night life. When you hang out with your girlfriend 24/7, New York becomes a pretty small scene, so try barhopping in Brooklyn. Get your crew together and hit up Barcade in Williamsburg – home to 20 different microbrews on tap and just as many classic stand-alone arcade games. In between rounds of Spy Hunter, allow your friends to air their grievances about your ex. That’s what friends are for… when they’re not destroying your high score in Donkey Kong.
If intellectual pursuits and indie rock are more of your thing, try Union Hall in Park Slope. Known across the city for its indoor Bocce ball courts and awesome concerts, Michael Showalter and Eugene Mirman also host the immensely popular drop-in comedy show Tearing the Veil From Maya on Sunday nights. Either way, if you ever fantasized about picking up a Columbia post-grad, this is the place for it.
Everybody needs to get back in the saddle eventually, but you got to have training wheels before the two-wheeler. Thank God for college girls. Work out your dating rust with with the equally inexperienced. Which college girl is the right one? Take a look:
The NYU Girl: “So, like, last week my cousin had a bat mitzvah in the Hamptons that was ridiculous. OMG, I could not stop taking pictures with my iPhone. I can’t wait to get out there next summer to party with Jared Leto.”
The Columbia Girl: “I’m voting for Barack Obama because I believe in change, this country needs change. We were all talking about it at the Bright Eyes concert last night.”
The New School Girl: “Right now, I’m working on my thesis in journalism – but what I really want to do is get a job city planning with the Mayor’s Office. Do you like this semi-ironic dive bar?”
The F.I.T. Girl: “Yeah, I do fashion, but I also play bass in a Japanese sub-pop band. It’s a metaphor.”
Everything In Between
The Museum of Modern Art (MoMA)
11 W 53RD ST NEW YORK, NY 10019
Do yourself a favor on a Friday night, instead of hitting up the bar at 5:00, swing by MoMA and get in for FREE. Everyone knows the real party doesn’t start until 10:30 anyway. Now that you’re socializing again and your swagger is coming back, learn about something new. Become the guy your ex wishes she was still with.
Don’t freak out. Iron Man will still be in the multiplexes next week. But classics like Goddard’s Contempt, or Charlie Chaplin’s City Lights, won’t be. Film Forum has been New York’s home for independent and classic film screenings for almost forty years. Anybody can talk about why The Taxi Driver is amazing, but what really impresses people is knowing the difference between new wave and neo-realism.
Don’t freak out. Iron Man will still be in the multiplexes next week. But classics like Goddard’s Contempt, or Charlie Chaplin’s City Lights, won’t be. Film Forum has been New York’s home for independent and classic film screenings for almost forty years. Anybody can talk about why The Taxi Driver is amazing, but what really impresses people is knowing the difference between new wave and neo-realism.
Brought to you by Guidespot.comCopyright 2008 - Local Matters Inc.
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