In the words of (sometimes) wise man Woody Allen: "Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college."
In the words of (rarely) wise chick, GillianS: "Who listens to their parents? Things that are bad for you are totally the most fun!"
Watch Television
There is probably nothing worse for you than watching television. Sometimes cable is ok but regular old lowest common denominator network television is jam packed full of reality shows and mind-numbing sitcoms that will turn your brain to strudel. Awesome.
Sleep Late
This needn’t be related to skipping work, but it is best done a cold or at least cloudy day. It could be on a weekend when you’re not even necessarily hungover, you just don’t feel like getting up so you sleep and sleep and then when you finally drag yourself out of bed and eat a slice of cold pizza (see below) you find that you have slept so much that you are actually tired from sleeping. You will accomplish nothing (though sometimes dreams give you good ideas for new businesses) but it will be awesome.
Don't Sleep at All
Keep yourself up for a few days with coffee and your friends’ ADD medication. I can’t recommend that you do this more than once a year since this one is really seriously not healthy. But a trip to Vegas is a perfect time to use it.
Skip Work
Take a “mental health” day and lounge around in bed sipping mimosas and cuddling (either boy or dog is acceptable for this purpose). You have a presentation or an important meeting? Even better. Nothing is more fun than procrastinating!
Eat a steak
Maybe some prime rib with au jus? A mere 1100 calories per 10 oz. Yum-o!
Buy New Shoes
Spend way too much money on some hot heels that are horrible for your back and even worse for your budget. Do you really want to eat Ramen for a month just so you can put a pair of purple platforms in the back of your closet 364.5 days a year?
Of course you do.
Eat Some Pizza
Who doesn’t love pizza? Especially big floppy gooey New York-style slices loaded with greasy goodness.
Eat Some Cake
Who doesn’t love cake? But even the ones with healthy-sounding names (carrot…apple…cheese…) are nothing more than a novel way to get sugar into your bloodstream.
But seriously, it’s so good. So who cares.
You'll probably be fat and tired by the end of this trek...
Get Drunk
One or two drinks is actually good for you, so be sure to completely overdo it. Trust me, at a certain point you’ll want to be completely sure you don’t remember the night.
Get a Tan
Not one of those gross orangey spray on things from a spa that’s going to put you on a reality show. No no no, a REAL tan. Lay out on the beach or even in your backyard or your roof if you’re feeling particularly adventurous. Wear something skimpy, read a trashy book, have a fruity cocktail and get a lightly bronzed. You will feel so sexy afterwards. Just don’t think about the premature aging and melanoma and stuff.
I really like to go to a Brookstone and sit in their massage chairs until I get kicked out. Does anyone actually own one of those? If so, please give them my number.
I really like to go to a Brookstone and sit in their massage chairs until I get kicked out. Does anyone actually own one of those? If so, please give them my number.
I used to be able to walk to this place, but walking is way too healthy. Now I can drive to get one of their mini red velvet cakes (Oprah loves them!) that have literally an inch of frosting on the top.
I used to be able to walk to this place, but walking is way too healthy. Now I can drive to get one of their mini red velvet cakes (Oprah loves them!) that have literally an inch of frosting on the top.
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